More Offensive Than Your Mom!
by Michele Christopher
And we continue to roll with the offensive songs list.
See. This is the part of the page I have a few issues on. Most of my songs never offended me, but would offend someone like my mother sitting back in a lazy boy recliner. So these reviews really, really have to make me think. So we need contributions from readers like you. Like PBS, this site needs readers like you. That's funny. I can picture Bert asking Ernie "What song offends you, Ernie" and Ernie saying "Fuck you! You one eyebrow yellow motherfucker!"
Well, that was a weird thought. But, we need your help. Keep thinking of song that would turn people around to wonder "Are they saying "fuck my dead Gramma?" Well not those exact words, but you get the point. How long will this list go? As long as you want it too.
But, for now, here are tonight's offerings.
Butt Trumpet - I've Been So Mad Lately
Ok. Someone got dumped and used. This is pretty obvious here. She got taken over and left in the dust to pick up the pieces. So she wanted to make a song of it. So she was pissed. So she wanted everyone to know. So she likes to use bad words. Can you blame her? "Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you." I think this was Bianci Butthole singing but it's been so long you can't quote me on that. The funniest part about this song is that she was so cute. Seeing her scream "You can eat the corn out of my shit" was really like watching a comedy. Like a kitten playing with a mouse before she eats it. A tall bass player with legs running up to her neck screaming to the crowd "Hell damn shit damn fuck damn shit piss!" Oh yeah. Someone had one left her high and dry. And she was gonna let everyone know what a dick they were. "You took all my thing's and you left me nothing!" Oh yeah. This songs got nowhere to go but down. But hey dude. She was angry. But, the eating corn out of shit line is classic. -T
TSOL - Code Blue
Goth punk? Hippy punk? Some band that The Meatmen always made fun of? LA homo band? I don't know. They were a little, well, out there, but that was before my time. I think they are reformed with a new singer now, but I don't know. Some bands do that. Play with the original set but with a different singer. That's just wrong. Anyways "Code Blue". Not a whole hell of a lot i can say about this one. Girls talk too much. They don't like cum in their hair and what's worse, they complain about it when someone shoots a load in it.Too much talking. Too many rules. Well screw that. I want someone who shuts up and just lays there. I want a dead body that reeks like chemicals. Just to do to what I want with. I don't want to hear your opinions and I don't need you advice. Just lay down and be still. Sure, she stinks like formaldehyde, but at least she doesn't make any noise while you fuck her. -T
Dr. Know - Fist Fuck
I really like this song. I have no idea why. Maybe it's just that you can tell they are half drunk, maybe cause you can tell they are just having fun, maybe it's cause it comes on in a slow part of the album and just kicks you in the face. "Fist fuck! Straight up your ass! Fist fuck!" I mean hey. That's poetry right there. Saying nothing else but that over and over. "Fist Fuck!" Then some words behind it where you can tell they were trying to get the Grammy that year for the most offensive song. I still remember hearing this as a kid and being excited when the opening riff kicked. That meant the party was gonna start now. "Fist fuck!" I liked it so much, I'm really surprised I didn't end up with my cock stuck in a glory hole in some public bathroom off I-5 waiting for Mr. Right with his Mr. Mouth to find my Mr. Cock. Plus they mention Ill Duece! That's cool! -T
I’m not a fan of John Wayne. The person or the persona. The man or the movies. To me, he was just an icon that stood for Things That Make Me Cringe. That includes westerns. Except for Clint Eastwood westerns. They rule. But let me tell you, you mention to people that you don’t like John Wayne and, for the most part, they look at you like you just said “I want to shoot the president, rape your mother and burn a flag while your kitten is wrapped up in it.” So I don’t bother getting into any convos about Mr. Wayne.
MDC has no problem telling you what they think about the Duke. In their typical spittle-angry fashion, they peg Wayne as a rape/pillage kind of guy, a nazi sympathizer, racist, homophobic legend whose death was just life’s way of evening up the score. Let’s just say they don’t really care for the person or persona, the man or the movies. I think next time a conversation comes up that forces me to state my feelings about John Wayne, I’ll just recite these lyrics. If anything, it will end the conversation right there. -M
Weasels - Beat Her With a Rake
(thanks to Scott for this song suggestion)
But. Dude. This is fucking good music. This song kicks. So what if he’s talking about beating some chick with a rake? Come on, that’s like being offended at some cheesy slasher flick. It’s a rake. It’s kinda funny. He sings it with such rock and roll passion, growling out the words like some rock god singing about drugs or cars instead of this dude singing about killing his girl with a garden accessory. It’s kinda fun to sing.. I can totally envision this song being played in some huge arena, maybe as the encore to a night filled with pure kick ass music and we all have our lighters out, holding them up high, singing So I beat her with a rake, made her pay for her mistake....but that’s just me. -M
Now, here's a couple of other songs chosen by Scott of Strange Reaction, for your listening pleasure. Notes by Scott.
Update: Just a disclaimer here, because I'm noticing some weird things in our referrer stats - please take this post and others like it in context. We are just looking for the most offensive punk songs. Inclusion of songs here does not mean we condone the subject matter of said songs. I thought that might go without saying? Apparently not.