that song sucks. like, really sucks.
by Michele Christopher

This afternoon is a movie break afternoon. This theme will continue when we do another post tonight, but we both had a feeling that kicking out these titles to you so fast is really not giving ourselves enough time to think about what we really like. So the rest of the day, we are going to sit around and think about the picks we have for tonight. Because every time you respond with a movie, we slap our heads and say "oh yeah." So we are going to take the rest of the afternoon off and think about it and come back tonight. Movie week has two days left and we still need input for what you guys want to see as the final two themes.

But, since that is neither here nor there and you really can't do anything about it now, let's move on to a new topic for this afternoon.

Bad Memory Songs

You guys know these. I have a lot. Some will only be told to a close friend, but there still are ones that can be told for some strange reason. You have them. You still remember from something. Somewhere. Something that when you hear on the radio, you cringe and remember where you were at and think back to those times and just shiver. You might hate the band or you might love them, but that doesn't matter. When you hear it, you just put your head down and wonder why you did that.

These are ours.

What are yours?

turtle is up first.

Stxy - That Stupid Fucking Domo Arigato Song

I'm not even going to bother find the real name of the song and knowing Michele she will find the MP3 and put it up for you to listen to so you can all go thru the hell weekend I did when I was a kid. I have no idea what it was about or really what the fuck any of it meant. Some great concept album. Oh, like I give a fuck. It was one of those bands like Journey that you just kinda ask yourself why are you listening to this crap. I know I don't bag on bands cause I know that whatever they were doing, they really believed in it. At the time. Maybe. Blurry line there, but since I don't know, I can't talk. I'm just here to tell you why I hate this one song.26_Vanguard.jpg

Vanguard had just come out on the Atari 2600. This was a cool game. I think. I don't really remember. But everyone wanted it and it was sold out everywhere. That didn't really matter to us cause we couldn't afford it anyways.See, the thing with 2600s was that the games were cool but they were short. So take a kid and let him play any game, except Pitfall, and they will finish it in two days. What to do? Get a new game. No money. Well, that's just all fucked up. Might have to go outside and like play or something. Hell if I know. I don't do good in the sun. So you can see when this new game came out, we needed it. This ball game bouncy outside shit gets old real fast if I can't kill you and get points. So what to do?

Slam a beer and sit in the garage. Yeah, I drank as a kid. Hey, I am German. Give me a break. Turn the radio on and spin away another day. The DJ was saying something. Every hour he would play a song. All the DJs would. All weekend. If you called in and was number whateverthefuck, you could win a game! The game? Vanguard!! The song? Domo Mr. something or whatever.

We had a plan. Someone stay by the radio for the entire weekend. We would take shifts. Like some bad island movie watching for some monster or keeping the campfire lit, we had to do this. The monster might come or the campfire might go out. Then what would have? A bunch of bored kids playing Pitfall wondering if this fucking game ever ends all summer. Or playing with some bouncy thing that went in some kinda hoop.


Set up camp. We will win this.

My shift was in the day. Six hours of listening to this crappy 70's music waiting for it. Six chances. Six games. Six songs. It would happen. I could feel it. Teasers on when he was going to play it. The start and then the pull off. Saying he was just kidding and then playing Foghat or something like that. Pure adrenaline running out of my veins as the hour drew to a close. The start of the song! Call! Call! Stumbling with my fingers as I typed in the numbers! The phone call!

The busy signal.....

The sad recognition that I had lost.

Pitfall has no ending.

And I hate that song. - T

michele's turn:

This is one of those songs I loathed upon first listen. But I tolerated it. For years. On the radio, in dance clubs and on jukeboxes and on my parents’ stereo. I tolerated it. But I reached a saturation point. Something happened and I snapped. And this song became the song I hate more than any other song that has ever been written, performed or copyrighted since time began. I'm serious. You play this song in my presence, I will get stabby. Real quick.

Paradise By The Dashboard Light

I know. It’s a classic. Everyone loves it. Great bar song! Great party song! My ass.

I reached my breaking point with this asinine tune about ten years ago at my sister’s wedding. Now it’s my kryptonite. Just the mere mention of it and I break out in hives. Right now, my arms are starting to itch. I’m gonna need a bottle of calamine just write this out.

I’m sure you’ve all been to weddings or the like where people acted this song out. It can’t just be a Long Island thing. Please tell me that this happens in other Don’t leave me all alone here in loserville.

Ok, my sister’s wedding. I’ll tell you what happened. Let me just get some more calamine.

As soon as the DJ hit this song - I’m talking as soon as the firs note hit - , the dance floor was packed. Everyone who sat on their fat, drunk asses all night during the great dance songs of the night were suddenly lined up on the floor. Oh, like you don't want to dance every time you hear Funkytown. Guys on the left. Chicks on the right. Ready to....what? Rumble? Line dance? What the fuck were they doing? Following the song? Acting it out? When did Paradise become the new Hokey Pokey? Was I that sheltered that I missed this memo?

Excuse me while I gulp this Benadryl down. The hives. They multiply.

At this point in the reception, I’d has about five thousand shots of tequila. Ok, maybe twenty. Twelve. Whatever. Point is, tequila will usually have me up on a table swinging my bra around dancing to some Donna Summer song. But not even a good Cuervo buzz could get me out there for this song. They tried. I told them to back the hell off. I’ll sit this one out. Call me when the DJ puts on Bad Girls.

I just stood back and watched. Grown men and women doing this dance thing. We’re talking town councilmen and judges and the president of the local Kiwanis here. They all took turns singing the boy/girl parts. Standing across from each other like some scene out of West Side Story and doing this back and forth singing thing. And they acted the parts out. Pretending to be lusty teenagers in a steamy car. During the Phil Rizzuto play by play part, one couple stood in the center of the two lines. Pantomimed the whole thing. I kid you not. Acted the whole fucking thing out. I was embarrassed. Why weren’t they? My jaw dropped as my cousin informed me that this went on at every wedding, in every bar, every night of the week and I needed to get out more. No. No. I need to never leave the sanctity of my house again. I’ve been emotionally scarred by witnessing this.

Oh it got worse. The play by play part is over. Some lady does a sliding split into the middle of the dance floor, holding up her hand and singing "STOP RIGHT THERE!" What the fuck. That’s no lady. That’s my daughter’s religious ed teacher. And that guy singing “let me sleep on it” in her face? Jesus, that’s my uncle. Then they all chimed in. All of them. Doing this back and forth thing, guys and girls, and this went on until the very end, where they all did some bizarre dance as they whispered “glowing like a metal on the edge of a knife.” I shook my head to clear it. I thought maybe the tequila had gotten to me. I was hallucinating. Dreaming. had been transported to the ninth level of hell and Satan himself was going to rise out of the dance floor. But no. It was real. It was real and it was horrible and it formed some Pavlovian response in my brain so that I start itching and screaming and begging for mercy every time I hear this song.

That happened ten years ago. And I remember every little thing.......nah, not going there.

Pass the calamine. -M

So see, we aren't the nicest people on the planet when it comes to songs. Some people say we only review what we like. Well we do try to do that and forget what we don't because really, life is too short to worry about things we don't dig. Sure, sometimes we are forced to do things we don't want to do and we do because we agreed to, but really, this site is for fun.

So, if you feel up to it, tell us what songs you hate. With a deep dark passion.

Styx - Domo Mr. something or whatever

One other note: Every Friday I play a version of Match Game over at Mikey's site. Go check out today's game and try to match up some of my answers. Mikey is a cool dude. Check his site out.


Song I hate? Soft Cell's Tainted Love. Maybe it was the repetition, maybe it was the riff into Where did our love go but I just hated it.

I echo T's dislike of Mr. Roboto, but simply on the principle that it was an annoying song.

Dancing at Weddings: I don't, not even to Funkytown, not even at my own wedding (yes, I did dance with my betrothed, but I hate dancing).


Second worst bad memory song is Achy Breaky Heart. My wife and I were housesitting, and there was a party next door one night, and they played that song about 12 times in a row. Back in 92 or 93 or whatever, I'm still not over it.

Worst memory attached to a song is any memory attached to Paradise By The Dashboard Lights.

I hear Meat Loaf is ready to release his new album, Bat 3. I like you all too much to make a link. And don't get me started on Bon Jovi (dropouts of the Loverboy school of songwriting).


Um, ~glances quickly left and righ~, Bon Jovi is one of my guilty pleasure bands.

As for song I hate, this sould be songs I hate that everyone else seems to like: Sweet Home Alabama.

If you grew up on the Mississippi Gulf Coast in the late '80s/early '90s, and weren't a jock or a country boy, this song was your nemesis.


brown eyed girl

i hate drunk frat boys and fucking girls that drive cabriolets and they ALL want to sing this to you when you have brown eyes....



no it's not fucking original when you yell it to me on stage. no, this isn't the first time i have heard this joke. and yes, it's not funny anymore.

A call to stupidity which might get you laid but trust me. It hasn't been funny since the early 80's. And then it wasn't even that funny.

I don't have a half hour to play your song and I never will.


We certainly have common ground in Sweet Home Alabama. Anyone who likes that song hasn't heard of the Allman Brothers.

Um, wait, no, punk rock. Yeah.


Hey, Mickey!

Oh, Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine, you--



Come on Eileen.

My mother loved that freaking song. Played it day and night. Every time I hear it I get Norman Bates kind of urge.


Anyone who likes that song hasn't heard of the Allman Brothers.

whipping post was awesome. i totally agree with you.


funny story about come on eileen. one of my friends borrowed my credit card and said he needed it to buy that album on ebay. He gave me ten bucks and bid on it. He won it but ended up paying like 50 for the bid. I cancelled the order but I was always confused.

The hell would pay 50 bucks for Dexies Midnight Runners?

That was my first strike against ebay.

Hell no I wasn't gonna get a 50 charge on my card. 'specially for something so ....lame


Your first mistake was in saying yes to him.

That song is a crime against humanity. Don't propogate the madness.


i didnt know what he was bidding on
he was using my account, not my credit card

cause i got shitloads of angry emails from some lady in ireland or something like that.

The hell if I know

and bite me


Too many to mention, but a few that make me slam my head against a brick wall:

"The Pina Colata Song"

"After the Lovin'"

"Seasons in the Sun"

And, speaking of Styx, "Come Sail Away"



I came on Eileen.


Seasons in the Sun sucked hard for me because it says my name in it. So everyone used to sing it to me. It would make me cry.


ahahahah turtle paid fifty bucks to come on eileen...


ahahahah turtle paid fifty bucks to come on eileen...

whoa their cowgirl! Let's pull the reins back on the turtle is lame horse!

i stopped the order before it went thru. Killed my ebay account, thou.

but hey dude, Eileen

had to kill the account


Summer of 1990... I'm in Brooklyn, visiting a couple of friends.... Plans that night for a party at a friends house... Drinking until it's way past dark and we're already late for a party we're supposed to be bringing music to....

Fast foward a few hours and I'm stuck in the middle of a giant party in a little teeny apartment... It's hot and I can barely breathe, much less move about..... I'm chatting a girl up, talking about Nation of Ulysses.... We're hitting it off and she goes to write her number on my hand, when she drops the pen.....

She goes down for it, and just as she's about to come back up, some asshole puts "Paradise By A Dashboard Light" on.... She gets so excited, she practically launches herself up from the floor where the pen had fallen, directly into the bridge of my nose.....

Blood and epithets flew as her skull smashed into my face.... Nose broken, bleeding all over someone I barely know's kitchen floor and I can't even get to the bathroom to try and put a stop to the madness....

I grabbed a kitchen towel and eventually made my way out (waving a great, bloodied rag about is a fine way to part a crowd) to a taxi and a splint for my nose...

My distaste for that song cannot adequately be expressed in words.... Only by a bloodied floor in a hot Brookly apartment....


duly reined...

i know you're not lame.

unless it's gold lame.


The next dickhole that puts on Led Zeppelin's Rock and Roll gets cock punched.

Stop Playing That Fucking Song. So Fucking Overplayed.


um, ANY lynrd skynrd song. I'll swig cheap booze just so i can throw it up onto whoever requests a Skynrd song. There are so many songs i hate, i could write TEN posts on them. I like the Allman bros a lot, though. :) Hate Zeppelin's "Four Sticks". Hate a lot of Beatles stuff and most Paul McCartney and the vast majority of Lennon's solo stuff. Don't like anything Clapton did after Cream. I'll diss Green Day all day long just because i hate Billy Joe's voice so much. Ok I'm done.


Damn. Can't believe i forgot to say i hate "Play that Funky Music White Boy" too.


Holy shit Cullen, you got me right on. I happen to be growing up on the Mississippi Gulf Coast and that song is the fucking Green Goblin.

I hate every Boston song ever recorded. Ever.


Every Skynyrd Song.

Charlie Daniels. Devil Went Down to Georgia and the South's Gonna Do It Again.

I fucking hate anything Aerosmith put out in the last 15 years. It makes me cringe.

Stairway to Heaven. Freebird.


i like working for MCA by Skynard.

Just cause you can yell "Skynard!" while you scatch your nuts in public and someone will probably put his lighter in the air and yell something like "Let those balls fly free!".


I fucking hate anything Aerosmith put out in the last 15 years. It makes me cringe.

so you liked what the put out before that?

/hangs head and slowly weeps the tears of the sad


I'll admit to that, when I was young I had a bunch of Aerosmith albums. I thought they were the shit. Anything after their drugged up, 17 albums a year phase seemed to be lacking though.


Well, all I can say is that in 1975, Toys in the Attic was kinda cool.

In 1975.


Brick House. I know you love you some funk, Turtle, but jumpin Jesus on a pogo stick. Nothing screams drunk rythm-less white people at a wedding like Brick House. That song makes my ass itch. And after that, that Celine fucking Dion Titanic fucking song. It's like gonnorhea being shoved into my ears.


no ones said Whitney Houton's Greatest Love song.

All I remember is reading in the paper one day about some guy barracading himself in a house playing that constantly. Over and over. His neighbor broke in and stabbed him to death.

I just sat and thought...

"Meh, that's what I would've done, too"


Michele knows mine.


Radar Love. Must. Kill.


eXTReMe Tracker