Have I mentioned how much I love him? I know this isn't what you come here for but sometimes it is all I want to say. How I spent the last, oh, 20 years of my life thinking that wrong turns and dead ends and disappointment were all I could expect, that real, true, deep, unconditional love was going to always be elusive for me. But here I am. About to start over with someone who is everything I thought I would never have. He is truly the kindest, most thoughtful, considerate, compassionate person I have ever known. He makes me laugh. He makes me smile. He picks me up when I am down, he calms me when I am anxious, he goes out of his way to make my day brighter. He is patient and loving and romantic and understanding and easy to talk to and be open with.

This seems to be the week for talking about this stuff. Talking to my friend Dan, who is going through a tough time and trying to give him hope. I use me and turtle as an example. Both of us had pretty much given up on being happy. And then it just happened. Sometimes you go through a lot of shit first. It's like all those wrong turns and dead ends were there for a reason. You had to go through what you did then to get to where you are now. If I could do my life all over again, I wouldn't. I would take every bad thing I ever went through all over again just to make sure I ended up right here, right now (cue bad Van Halen song). That's what I tell Dan. Keep going. Don't keep looking down the road for something though. Keep up hope, because sometimes it is all you have. And sometimes that thing you are looking for just comes out of nowhere. It can't be forced, it can't be made, it can't be created. It just comes and taps you on the shoulder and says, thanks for waiting. I tell the same thing to Kali, who is wondering about true love. Don't look. Let it come unexpected. And never give up.

Then I was talking to my friend Carol about this yesterday and I was saying that I never got why people cried at their own weddings. It's just not something I could understand or relate to.

Now I know. You ever "happy cry" before? It's kind of neat. When all is said and done, I think that's what explains everything about what turtle and I have best. I know what a happy cry is now.

Man, is he going to be surprised when he gets up and sees this. I told him I wasn't going to write anything today, that I didn't have time. I didn't mean to write this, it just happened.

I keep staring at the calendar. Two weeks.

Tour tantrum.

Bear with us here, guys. This could be an weird two weeks around FTTW.