We are just having fun here
by Turtle Jones

Welcome back to FTTW.

Today we are still both out of it. Thank you everyone who mocked me for burning myself and for calling me stupid. Hey. You damn well all know you would have done it it too. It's like dumping extra wasabi on sushi. You know it will hurt, but you need to do it.

So lemmie alone.

Anyways, a new day is rising and we need something else to do.

I have a few things to do today and so does Michele, so we will keep this short. Tonight will be a new story inspired by a reader that will be long and hard. That sounds like a porno, but really it is about recovering off an addiction. This one will be about nicotine, but we really don't want to get into any deeper drugs. Read the disclaimer.

So, since we are doing something deep tonight, we decided to do something fun today.

Many times I have said "That would be a great name for a band" from some of your comments. Just messing around. I would never be in a band named that, but really, some of them are really funny.

So for today. Take a minute and let your mind go and tell us what you think a cool name for a band would be. And really, as you will see in mine, the don't have to be serious. Just give us a few so we can all laugh at your creativity.


turtle is up first.

Battalion of Masturbators
The Saints of Prostitution
Clown Lust
Running on Poo Poo
The Hygh Flygers (Gay band from San Francisco)
Nightbird (Journey cover band.Don't ask me.)
Muppet Mudslide
My Ball Hair Is Too Long (Wait... that wasn't a name. Just an observation)
The Simons (ug. I think I watch too much American Idol)
The Hammer Banging Testicles
Piecered Pussy? Thumb Up! (It would be PPTU on flyers)
Homework Whores (Double meaning there. Get the kids in and has some kinda bondage thing too. I think)

and the end to them all

We Hate Cute Puppies

cute-puppy.jpgA speed metal band that watches Little House but hates god while they do it. There first song can be "Half pint in Hell "

"Half pint in hell!
Laura rings the bell!
Nellie is a bitch!
Satanic little witch!

Someone is going down!
When we put her in the ground!
Charles doesn't give a shit!
He is really done with it!

Burn in hell half pint!
Burn in hell half pint!"

I'm good at this! - T

Michele is up next

I always wanted to be in a band. I can't play a single instrument and I can't sing worth shit, but being in a band seemed like the coolest thing a person could do.

I had a made up band with my sister called Pond Scum (big hit: Save the Whales), another made up band with friends: Polly Gram and the Sires (hey, we worked in a record store) and another fake band with friends later: Halite (big hit: Billy Corgan's head). I think that site is still online somewhere. No, I'm not finding it for you.

So I've spent a lot of time thinking up ridiculous names for ridiculously fake bands. My favorite of all time is Run For It, Marty! I'm thinking it would be an emo band. They all have stupid names like that.

As for more:

The Daves I Know
Crackmonkeys Ate My Mother
The Condom Keepers
We Made You
Biker Dudes
Let's Get Dangerous
Imprisoned Monkeys
Fargo North Decoder
Majora's Mask
My Ass Is On Fire (MAIOF for short)
The Anal Probes
Butt Plug Jesus
The Born Again Virgins
Lesbian Seagulls
Coleco Coalition
The Hartford Whalers
KY Jellystone Park
The Patrick Swayze Dancers
Monkey Meat
Feces is Not Art
Barnyard Beauties

Hey, just think of all the names I decided not to put here. This isn't exactly a family friendly site, but I think we have to draw a line somewhere. Like with bands named after vaginal infections. Line drawn. - M

So that's our choices and really, this took about five minutes. So send us some of yours and see if yours can rock more then WHCP or MAIOF. Cause they really hate them puppies. And an ass of fire is nothing to be laughed at.


Should exist:
Syk Dyck and the Forks
The Platonics
Meat Beard
Jesus Christ and the Nail Driving Five
The Fabulous Bunion Shavers
Hot Wing Hangover
Dumpster Full of Riot Grrls

Existed (local to Lexington KY):
Bored and Dangerous
Gnarly Love
Abe and the Vigodas
Desmond's Tutu
Sally Strugglers

Wished I had thought of it:


When I was younger, I always felt that book titles would make good band names. It seemed "deep" at the time.

I liked Another Roadside Attraction and Slaughterhouse 5 particularly.

The best name I can think of is probably the name of a real punk band I was in: The Jonestown Punchbowl.


i always liked

masturbation menstation

bulemia banquet

get me sick, I'll suck your dick

christian choas


but those are real.


The Vince Lombardi Rest Station

that's definitely my next band.

First hit: Glory Hole


oh billy corgan im gonna lick your head billy corgan my billy corgan so hard you wish you were dead.

- Barchord Wondermen
- Front Row Parking
- Johnny and the Sellouts (later becoming simply 'The Sellouts')
- This Band Sucks
- Beer Money
- The Fuck You Faces
- Spitjar (country band)


Oh my god she found it. Hahahaha.


Aural Sects (say it out loud)


Inspired by Henry Rollins:

Wang Smashers
Mythical Sun

Or, howsabout Mythical Wang?

I like that. Esp. if the band had a dyke lead singer.


I Peed In The Trashcan And Forgot To Flush.


While we were Revolver most of the time, our band's alternate name came off the top of a Wendy's table, back when they had all those 1890's looking ads on them: Torpid Liver and the Artificial Limbs


I want to play drums in a band called Balls Out. My kickdrums will have fiberglass shells in the shape of two big hairy balls.

We'll open for Gwar.


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