POP CULTURISTA - Dishing on celebrties: their lives, their escapades, their clothes, their self absorption. Saturdays, by Pop Culturista

What ho, it's Saturday once again, time again to laugh at the trained monkeys....

I would like someone to explain to me what happened to Matthew McConnaughey, please. He ordinarily is a beautiful, beautiful man, and it has sorely pained me these years that he and genetically perfect Sandra Bullock have not bred for the good of The Program. But when I see documented these Grizzly Adams moments, I can hardly blame her for eschewing the inevitable skin burn. Matty. Shave. Now.

Another inexplicable transformation is that of Adam Ant, who despite his freely advertised proclivities, was a seminal part of my adolescent sexual awakening. To this day, military style jackets with beaucoup gold braid still make me sit up and pay attention. But from attitudinal bad boy to someone's maiden auntie in 20 years or less. That gravity, she's a bitch ain't she.

Another to whom gravity has exacted tribute, the "I wish I were iconic" Sharon Stone. Of course, her absurd fashion choices don't do very much to disguise the fact that she has half a century under her belt. So to speak.

Victoria Beckham returns to plague us this week, though we at least give her credit for variety. This first number makes me want to head the farmers market though, to try and do something about this dreadful cantaloupe craving...

This second ensemble is a nice example of "missed it by that much." If the pants had actually come anywhere close to fitting her bony ass, this would have been a cute look. Vicky, eat a sandwich. Or nine.

Now tell me seriously here, people...am I the only one who has noticed that this slitch has a lazy eye? That's totally why she always squinks her eyes for the paparazzoids, isn't it. You can tell me, I can take it.

Here's another subject on which I would appreciate a little enlightenment... Kate Moss, while dreadfully underfed, is a rather attractive bird. She has a pleasing arrangement of facial features, nice skin, and I'm told has some sort of career that keeps her rather well supplied with folding money. So why, friends and neighbors, does she choose to keep company with that bastion of British pansy-ness Pete Doughtery? He's pasty, he's squidgy, he's slightly less talented than the average teapot...is it as simple that he's her high-buddy? It very nearly has to be, because the union otherwise defies all logic. And good taste.

And now, to offset the above nausea, a soupçon of luciousness... The voluptuous Jessica Beil, somehow preventing the Hollywood whipcrackers from convincing her to starve herself into a parenthesis of a woman. Of course that's landing her roles in dreck like Blade: Trinity, but, ya gotta have principles.

The fashion recap will be non-existent this week, Mommy's tired, so kindly go amuse yourself with the BBC's London Fashion Week recap.

Until next time...

Ms. Culturista lives in the wacky land of Florida, where she watches celebrities and scopes out the fashion trends so you don't have to.

| Permalink | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It| Stumble It!