FTTW - a daily magazine

Wii Will Wii Will ROCK you
by Michele Christopher

Welcome to The Action is Go! I'll be writing each week about video games in typical FTTW fashion. So you never know what you'll get here, you'll just know that it will have something to do with gaming. And in my world, gaming is anything from Pong to pinball to the Atari to the (droooool) Wii to the Vic20 to my beloved Dreamcast.

And just so you understand what you're getting with me, let me sum up my gaming motto in one sentence:

Old School beats New School

Yea, I'm one of those. Always talking about the old days. The days you blew on a cartridge to get it to work. The days before graphics became more important than gameplay. Before you had to sit through twenty minute cut scenes to get to the next screen. Before CGI rendering and 3D artists turned games into slick movies. I hate video games that spend too much time presenting themselves as slick CGI movies

I still have my SNES and Sega Genesis hooked up. Hell, I'd even break out the Atari if I could find it in my mother's attic. It's not like I don't play the newer games. I like Prince of Persia and Destroy All Humans and MGS and all, but sometimes I miss the simple days. So I ditch 3D worlds for the flat world of Mario. Controllers that don't have as many buttons as the space shuttle. Cheat codes that consist of U-D-R-D. Cartridges that take a beating and keep on ticking. Come on, how cool was it to be able to attach Sonic & Knuckles to Sonic 3? Pitfall Harry and poorly rendered spaceships. Wasted hours playing Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine or Castlevania.

I want a scrolling screen. 2d adventure moving from right to left.

So I've been playing a lot of Zelda. Not the new stuff. The original. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like Ocarina and the rest - hell, I've had a deposit down on Twlight Princess for over a year - but I just find the older games so much more enjoyable. Games that were created without the help of cinemetographers and an all star cast of voices. Games that didn't come with a pre-packaged soundtrack and team of publicists. Games that were all about the quest. The challenge. The puzzles. The gameplay.

I know. I know what I sound like. Get off my lawn.

But that's neither here nor there right now. Well, maybe it is. Because I got some news today that made me say:

Wheeeeeeeee!

Here comes the Wii!

A supposed formal announcement Thursday during a three-region press event. What will they say? Is this finally it? The final specs? The price?

I've been dicked around by Nintendo before. I want the real deal this time. I want the launch date. I want to know if Twilight Princess is coming out on launch day. I want the dollar amount. I want to know all the games that will be available for the Virtual Console. I swear on the grave of Pitfall Harry, if they hold a six hour "event' and don't give me all this information, I will....well, I will cry. Or something.

Seriously, the anticipation I have for this console. I haven't been this excited since I thought I was getting a baby brother for Christmas. And let me tell you, when I got that god damn EZ Bake Oven instead, I made a vow to hunt down Santa Claus and dismember the bastard. I'm still looking for him.

So hear this Nintendo. Don't be giving me some EZ Bake Oven on Thursday. Give me that baby brother. Give me all the facts I've been dying for. Tell me which day I need to go stand in front of EB Games at 4am and fight off all the uber geeks for my rightful place in line. Hey, I've had a deposit down on this console since LAST MAY.

You want to talk excitement? Anticipation? As in, if I had a dick I would probably be sporting wood right now?

Play Nintendo has a list of possible (a 'reliable' source say so) launch titles for the Virtual Console:

1. Bonk's Adventure
2. Castlevania
3. Duck Hunt
4. Excitebike
5. F-Zero
6. Kid Icarus
7. Legend of Zelda, The
8. Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
9. Mario Kart 64
10. Metroid
11. Mortal Kombat
12. New Adventure Island
13. Ninja Gaiden
14. OutRun
15. Pac-Man
16. Prince of Persia
17. Punch-Out!!
18. R-Type
19. Rayman 2
20. Sonic the Hedgehog
21. Star Fox
22. Super Mario 64
23. Super Mario Bros
24. Super Mario Kart
25. Super Mario World
26. Tecmo Bowl

Hot damn. I think I just got chills typing those all out. Kid Icarus. Castlevania. TECMO FUCKING BOWL! I already have some of these for the Game Cube, but this list is still...it's like....

excuse me a minute. I need a moment.

In fact, just come back Thursday.

I'll have all the news that comes out of the event.

And I better be getting that baby brother.

Comments

i notice you didn't mention Ms. Pacman.

Ms Pacman ruled the world.

Think of the name. Ghosts chasing you so you could pack more in while Pacman waited at home to make sure he could pack you in.

The name alone gives me a hard on

Posted by: the turtle | September 12, 2006 1:25 AM

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And you keep saying you don't know anything about video games. You certainly have Ms. Pac Man nailed.

And you were pretty good at Gauntlet too.

Ahhh, naked Gauntlet. Good times.

Posted by: michele | September 12, 2006 7:14 AM

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WIII!!!

Sorry, it's fun to say... The Virtual Console is going to be key to Nintendo's success. Coupled with a very unique and intuitive series of play mechanics, the Wii juggernaut is gonna be unstoppable.

Can you tell I'm a fanboy yet ?

Posted by: thefinn | September 12, 2006 7:29 AM

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Old school does beat new school. I never got past PS1 because it seemed too good for me.

Posted by: Dan | September 12, 2006 8:37 AM

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uh. what's wii? is it like those cool running mats? or more like the plastic gun chained to the arcade game?

heh. i got nothin'

Posted by: kali | September 12, 2006 8:46 AM

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Aw, yea. You are speaking my language here. Peace to the 2D platformer. Peace to Mario. Peace to the Wii. My first paycheck in October I'm dropping the cash for my Wii deposit (say that 3 times fast). Soooo pumped for the virtual console, and I'm totally hyped for the new games. It's always good to see someone Represent for Nintendo.

Posted by: J.Moriarty | September 12, 2006 8:48 AM

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J, I am a shameless Nintendo whore. You will all come to realize as this column goes on that despite owning nearly every single console ever made at one time or another (with exception of the Xbox which I have no desire to own), my heart belongs to the NES and always will.

I think of the Wii as the second coming of the Jesus of video game consoles.

Posted by: michele | September 12, 2006 8:51 AM

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Hell yes Michele. Wii is going to rock my socks. It's the only next-gen console I'm really excited about. If Nintendo carries on the kind of innovation for gameplay that they've introduced with the DS, we can expect nothing but awesome from the new system.

Posted by: Uberchief | September 12, 2006 8:53 AM

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///Climbs on soapbox///

PC games rule! Consoles are a waste of money!

///Steps down///

Um. Yeah.

Posted by: Cullen | September 12, 2006 9:03 AM

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I'm a 8-bit slut trapped in a 64-bit whorehouse. Bring on the Wii, bitches!

Posted by: BrokenFiction | September 12, 2006 9:05 AM

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"PC games rule! Consoles are a waste of money!"

Maybe if you're talking about the Commodore 64.....

Posted by: michele | September 12, 2006 9:13 AM

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I used to program games for my VIC 20... Saved them to tape drive.... It was a good time, but the load times were horrible....

Cullen, you make a good point and there are some genres where the PC really shines (RTS and early FPS stuff, for example). But keeping up with the hardware and the never ending upgrade cycle... I'm too old for that shit now... I love my consoles....

Posted by: thefinn | September 12, 2006 9:55 AM

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play "gauntlet" naked and tweak the nipples of the other player as you scream for them to "kill that damn ghost!!!! Get my back!!!"

pure heaven

/oh, you know who wrote this

Posted by: Anonymous | September 12, 2006 11:11 AM

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Oh the hours/days I spent playing Genghis Khan and Dragon Warrior while guzzling mountain dew and listening to Rush...I miss those days...;)

Posted by: Darth Monkeybone | September 12, 2006 12:00 PM

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Used to like the Tank game on Atari. And Jet was better than Bi-Plane.

My favorite game of all time is an old Mac based game called Marathon. It was one of the first networked games too. You did not want to fuck with me if I got my hands on the double sawed off shot-guns.

Posted by: Ernie | September 12, 2006 12:06 PM

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So will that be the sweat edition of Mortal Kombat?

Posted by: Tim | September 12, 2006 5:15 PM

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I just read that list for the Virtual Console. I think I just came.

Tecmo bowl pwns j00. Mario Kart 64 pwn3d my stoner ass in college.

Posted by: baby huey | September 12, 2006 7:38 PM

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We still have the Super Nintendo! We still play the original Zelda! We also still have a PS1 and I broke down and bought the boys a Game Cube for Christmas last year - why? Because I wanted to play the new Zelda game! - how selfish is that?

I LOVE Mario. Any of the old ones. My kids love it when I play games with them. Except for when I don't let them have a turn. Then they hate me.

Posted by: shawna | September 12, 2006 10:49 PM

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