Elf Needs Food Badly
by Michele Christopher

This column was named after a video game. Gauntlet, obviously. But why? Why not Zelda or Zaxxon or Defender?

gauntlet5.jpgThis is the thing about Gauntlet. It’s a cooperative game. You play with someone else and you depend on that person you are playing with to help you through the levels. Cooperation. Working together to meet common goals. Food, health, ways to escape. If the person you are playing with doesn’t have your back, you die. Simple as that. So you work together, looking at what your individual strengths are and figuring out how to best use each other’s skills to stay alive and move on to the next level. You don’t give up on each other. You don’t bail. Because you depend on each other.

I used to play Street Fighter. There, you size up your opponent and take advantage of his weaknesses. You learn how to hurt with the most impact, how to cause the most damage with the least amount of moves, how to look for mistakes and pounce on those moments, going in for the kill when your opponent is vulnerable and weak.

I like playing Gauntlet. It’s not the most difficult game in the world to play, and it’s not even always exciting. But there’s something about getting to the next level. Killing all those ghosts and monsters and getting the food and treasure and finally reaching your goal. And then starting over. Looking at your game partner and saying, you’re hungry. I’ll get these monsters while you go over there and get that food. And then a few minutes later, your partner looking over at you and saying, you’re about to die, let me cover for you while you get that potion. He’s got the stronger magic. I’m pretty fast. Together, we can put those two things together to get where we have to go. Get there alive. You have to know what you’re doing. You have to pay attention to each other. You have to watch where you are going and take note of what’s around you and keep a constant eye on how your partner is doing.

In Street Fighter, I was a button masher. Just moved around and banged the buttons hoping for the best. All I really wanted was to not die. To fake my way through the round just enough to get out alive. I didn’t want to stand over my opponent’s body and raise my fists in triumph; I just wanted to be the one to not die. But when your opponent is incredibly skilled at the game and you’re not, it gets tricky. He knows every fighting combination. He knows every trick and cheat. He knows how to kick you at the same time he’s punching you at the same time he’s spinning around and delivering an elbow to your gut. He takes pleasure in exploiting your weaknesses and tells you over and over during the game just how lame you are at it.streetfighter.jpg So I just mash and mash and hope for the best because I didn’t read the fucking manual and I’m pretty sure there isn’t a chapter on ruthless opponents anyhow. I get tired of the game quick. Tired of blindly hitting buttons hoping against hope to hit the right combination and stop my opponent in his tracks. Tired of the punching and kicking. It’s pointless when you’re weak. After a while I would just stop mashing and stand there and take it. Just wanted it to be over. Go ahead, make your finishing move, cut me down til I’m comatose, pound your chest in triumph. And stupid me, I’ll just come back for more later. Sometimes it’s the only game in town. You take what you can get. You get what you settle for.

Having played Street Fighter way too long, it was a relief to play Gauntlet. I like having a partner instead of an opponent. I like having a set goal in mind and figuring out how to get there right instead of just blindly hitting buttons. I like sharing strengths and picking up the other player where he has a weakness and having him do the same for me. It’s like Valkyrie and Elf together make one formidable foe. We can work our way through anything because neither one of us is interested in crushing the other, only our common enemies. We realize when we press ‘start’ that this isn’t going to work if we don’t make this a 50/50 effort. I got your back if you got mine. I’ll come to your rescue. I’ll help you out of tight corners. I’ll do whatever I can to keep you alive because without you, I am not going to make it out of here.

Well, maybe I can. But I don’t want to.

Michele beats metaphors to death for a hobby. The Gauntlet also appears on Tuesdays.



you guys need to read between the lines on this one


gotcha. I think most of us would rather play gauntlet than street fighter, at least for the long haul.


Gauntlet was tons of fun growing up, especially as a D&D geek. Cooperative games were cool because you could basically role-play while you played them without feeling too silly.

I also liked Double Dragon for vaguely similar reasons, except then at the end you have to kill your partner, which was odd.

And then there was this strange game I played a few times. It had some plot involving corrupt cops and thugs, but if you ignored the plot completely (which I did) then you get the experience of you and your friend walking through a city beating the hell out of everyone you see. Used to make jokes like "get that accountant, man! Damn accountants!" (a lot of the enemies just looked like normal people)

Kids these days only have Grand Theft Auto. They don't know what they're missing.


I learned how to do the Hadoken when I was 7. That knowledge has carried me through EVERY FIGHTING GAME EVER so far.


eXTReMe Tracker