I'd Like Some Answers, Please
by The Pop Culturista

And my first question is:

How fucking stupid is Jimmy Buffet?

Fairly goddamned stupid judging by this report:


French media reported Friday that Florida resident and "Margaritaville" singer Jimmy Buffet was detained after more than 100 tabs of Ecstasy were found in his luggage...

He was allowed to go after paying a $300 fine.

Buffet's representative said the pills were not Ecstasy but medication prescribed by his doctor. However, the woman did not identify the medication.

Riiiight. As long as that man has lived, as much booze and drugs as he's already consumed....can't he be done now? I'd get high on that 70 mil a year income, myself.


My second question is:

Does Kevin Federline own a mirror and does he know the definition of "whigger?"

I hate this person. I don't know him but I hate him as passionately as if he'd stepped on my cat. He's an industry joke, a talentless leech, and the luckiest fucking boy in the world to have convinced that stupid hick Spears to marry his disgusting ass. I'd like to take volunteers for someone to run over him with their dumptruck. Anyone? Bueller? And the answer to both above questions has to be 'no.'



Third question:

Who exactly finds this buck-toothed twit attractive?

Ok, she's got pretty hair, but other than that she's Hollywood Starlet v. 847469023769.89404963b. Nothing new, nothing original. No fireworks, no shooting stars... Somebody stop me before this becomes a Styx song...



Question four:

Who are these British twats* and why do I have to see their pictures constantly plastered across every media outlet imaginable?

The 'ho on the left seems to be coasting along on the distinction of having been cuckolded by the 'ho on the right. Why is she still hanging about with his simpy Limey ass, you ask? Another question for the List. She's also been photographed wearing the exact same outfit as her Mummy. Yes, on purpose.

The 'ho on the right has made some movies, sired some offspring, screwed some nannies, and generally made a name for himself as one of the most pompous asses working in the industry today. So, while they clearly deserve each other, the question remains as to their marketability as a couple. So, cut it the fuck out, already.


Question the Fifth:

So the man brushes his teeth while going out to get the paper, what's the big fucking deal?

And if you paparazoid assholes would take a fucking Sunday morning off once in a while, he could do it in peace! But then of course I wouldn't have this delightful image in my inbox, and the world would be a slightly darker place. Carry on then.



Sixth question:

Ok, not so much a question as a statement...Jessica Biel is my new girlcrush.

I don't know exactly what it is, the sculpted face, the sculpted body, all of the above. She'd make a delightful sculpture. Do you think her PR people would buy that I'm famouser than Rodin and arrange for a private sitting? Hey, what's with the SWAT team, I was just askin'!!



And question the last:

Can I be the peanut butter to their bread, please, please, please?

Now, Dita von Teese doesn't ordinarily crank my tractor, despite my approval of her resurrection of the burlesque form of performance (and utter disapproval of her choice of spouse, bleh)...her face is not right somehow. Too sharp, maybe? Too hard, perhaps. Anyway, unclothed, she is delicious, as is Ms. Johanssen there. Together, in a bondage themed photo shoot? Thank you, sir, may I have another? Rrowr.

Well, this week's activity has made me a little, er, tense. Think I'll just go take care of that. See you all next weekend.

* Yes, I know who they are, I just don't give a shit.

Comments

I don't know exactly what it is, the sculpted face, the sculpted body...

Sculpted... tongue?

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I'm with you on Jessica!!

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The Jimmy Buffett story is classic. I laughed for an hour.

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I laughed at more of these than I figured. Who gives a shit when or where Matt brushes his shit?
Yeah that Jimmy story is pretty funny too..... that's a lot of E for one guy, old or young.
Nice post!!

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