Hello and welcome to the Bizzaro™ NHL. Buffalo is 9-0-0 (as of Monday night), Toronto and Montréal are in the top 10 (overall), Los Angeles is ranked higher than Detroit, we have a team that I swear to Bob I had no idea existed until last week and the Philadelphia Flyers are imploding in a most spectacular way.

Shuffle off to Buffalo

I know I talked about them last week, but they are SPECTACULAR (and now that I’ve said that they will commence to the sucking in 3…2…1…).

I picked them for a team to watch and boy-oh-boy have they been fun to watch; kicking ass all over the league. Miller (Goal) has been outstanding, he’s like a pig-built brick house, ain’t nothing getting through him. The defense as a whole and their vet Numminen in particular, have been outstanding. Goal production across all lines has sealed the deal. It’s textbook hockey and it gets the adrenalin pumping.

No Poutine for You!

Now, I’m not going to pretend that either of these two teams (Montréal and Toronto) have it completely together. Goal production is still a major issue for both teams – they need to stop relying on their money players. In Toronto, Sundin and Tucker can’t be the only ones who know what a net look like right? In Montréal they are going to need underperforming players like Bonk and Murray to step up.

Defense wise? I’m not saying that they don’t HAVE defensive players, but you shouldn’t rely solely on the goalies and the forwards. Know what I’m saying? Especially since both on Montréal’s goalies need work. Raycroft (Toronto) is okay, in fact he’s the reason that they ARE so high in the standings. If only his defensemen would do their jobs, Toronto could be the top team.

I’m not too sure about Montréal’s chances this season, but look for the Leafs to implode about halfway through the season, sooner if there are any major injuries.

Repeat after me Los Angeles… HOCKEY… NOT ICE Hockey!

The Kings are not doing too badly, all things considered. It could always be worse…

They have good leadership in vet Rob Blake (returning from Colorado). They just need to learn to pass to each other and shoot at the opposing teams net. My advice would be to stop looking to Roller Derby as inspiration. Watch the ’72 series instead.

Detroit is struggling, and when I say “struggling” I mean sucking. They don’t know how to play without Shannahan or Yzerman. Simple as that. Anyone want to start taking bets at how long it will be before you see Stevie back with the club in some sort of coaching role?

Only then will Hockeytown smile again.

Hello, My Name is…

So I’m watching the Toronto game last Friday with my Dad. I came in late and settled in.

“Who are they playing?” I ask.

“What? What’s that?” Apparently I woke him up.

So I look at the handy dandy score box, TOR at CBJ.

“Who the hell are CBJ?”

“What? What’s that?”

I ignored him. Did he put it on the wrong channel? Were we watching an AHL game? Or worse?

Then the announcer says the name that I will never forget “Columbus Blue Jackets”.

When the hell did Columbus get a team?*

I Knew That Much Cheese Couldn’t Be Good for the Heart

They have three points. The only team they have beaten is New York (currently 17th overall). They are in the basement.

So what’s The Philadelphia Flyers management to do? Clean house of course. They have lost their way and the man who arrogantly led them to this place? Just quit. But I’ll let him explain it in his own words…

“I had enough of being General Manager and I no longer wanted to make the decisions that General Managers have to make.” ~ Bob “Clarkie”** Clark

Let me translate. “Y’all are losers and I don’t like to be associated with losers, besides – rebuilding the team is too much like work and work will cut into my ‘personal grooming’ time.”

Now I know that there are some that will rejoice in the Icarus like fall of the Flyers. Don’t get out the party favors just yet. I have a theory.

Canada will save you.

How? You may ask. HOW will you save our annoying little bottom dwelling “hockey” team?

Because I love you, I will tell you.

Remember Pittsburg? Remember Pittsburg when it was in its heyday? The “Super” Mario Lemieux and Jaromir Jagr years? Got it?

Now remember Philly. Remember the cup runs of the early and late 90’s? Remember Lindros (before his head turned to glass) and John LeClair – what a line that was. Got it?

See any parallels?

I think the Flyers owner is going to cut and run, well jog. Who will buy this sad bargain team?

A Canadian. I don’t know which one, but one of us will do it.

Want to know why?

1. To piss of Bettman; and

2. We want our teams back you bastards!

I give them three years…

Deb hasn’t been to sleep in 72 hours – Deal with the Great Canadian Wrath! Or not, whatever

* Apparently their first season was 2000-2001, who knew?

** How lame is THAT nickname? ~ Deb AKA “Spud” (but only by my Daddy).

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