Splatterhouse Rock
by Michele Christopher

It's almost that day! Halloween is coming up and about 20 days into it, someone told me I was spelling it wrong! Meh, better late than never. Halloween not holloween. I want to say thank you to all the readers who laughed at the way I spelled the word for the first two weeks and never told me I was wrong.

You guys are a sick bunch.

Anyways, since this has been like all pumpkin month, we thought we would shoot out a few Halloween video games and review them. Some of these games are old, but here is our take on them.

turtle puts on the mask first


This game was fun. Just walking around whacking things. I mean look at the motive of this game. You are dead. Your girlfriend is dead. You come alive with the aid of a super hockey mask to find her zombie body and then kill her. See dude. Killing your dead girlfriend with a 2x4 when you are dead yourself is kinda like Alex Trebec answering his own questions on Jeopardy. Kinda unfair if you ask me. I know I get yelled at when I eat a lot of fast food or steal a Wienerschnitzel carpet, but hey, at least she doesn't kill me for it.

I mean the whole game was based on killing your girlfriend and finding shotguns lying on the floor. When this idea was thought up, I spent about twenty minutes walking around my house looking for a gauge or a chainsaw. See. I need a house like that. ARCADE super dodgeball screen2.pngThe dead girlfriend zombie thing I could do without, but the rest of it was cool. Who wouldn't love waking up in the morning with a shotgun by your side. I'm lucky enough to find my shoes, much less a 12 gauge sitting on the floor. Maybe one day things will change, but for right now, I have to be happy with my chainsaw and 2x4 and non zombie girlfriend.

Even thou she really wants to be a zombie, I prefer her as human.

For now.

The other game I was thinking about was more of a terror induced game that pitted teams against teams in one last battle to rule the world. That's right. It scares you and calls you at the same time.

Super Dodgeball

Before we get started on here, I do want to say I like all the writers from every different state and from all around the world. I really love the fact that we have readers from all over the world. We even have Russian writers coming in and for that, I really appreciate it. The readers and writers of this site make it so diverse, it's really amazing.

But, I wouldn't hesitate for one second to throw a ball in your face and knock you to the ground. Let's be honest here. I hate every state in the USA 'cept for the one that starts with a CA and I will drive that ball down your throat. And when I am done with you I will move on to Canada and nail everyone of you too. I don't think we have any writers from Mexico yet so they can take a pass on this one. Next I will move to Europe and knock all of you out. Then I will take on Asia until my dodge ball gets the Turtlecup one more year in a row.

I will hold Lord Chuckeys Cup and proudly come back to California to throw it on my sofa only to lose it the next week like I did my car keys.

We were talking about holloween weren't we........

Well, Super Dodgeball is kinda scary.

I guess.

And I spelled holloween wrong again. - T

michele strips down to her undies:

There’s lots of scary games and creepy games and games that will leave you laying awake at night wondering what’s under your bed. But we’re celebrating Halloween here and what video game is better for that occasion than:

Ghosts ‘n’ Goblins

It’s got zombies. That’s all you really need to know. I think this might have been one of the first games I played that had zombies. You’re this knight in shining armor - literally - headed out to save a princess trapped in a castle (sound familiar?). But you have to battle demons and ogres and shit to get there. Thing is, when you get hit, your armor disappears. You’re sitting in this graveyard in your skivvies. Kind of embarrassing. I mean, you’re supposed to be brave Sir Arthur rescuing your damsel in distress and now some zombies have reduced you to sitting in the grass, shivering and wondering if anyone can see if your nipples are hard or that you’ve got a skidmark in your underwear from the last time one of those undead guys literally scared the shit out of you. And if you think wandering a graveyard in your boxers means you’ve got problems, just wait. Get hit again and suddenly you’re a skeleton.


I’d really like to tell you all about winning this game and about all the other fantastic levels of Ghosts n Goblins, but the thing is, I never really made it too far in this one. Maybe I made it to the ice castle once, but that’s about it. Well, on the arcade game. Once we got the NES version and I wasn’t dumping a paycheck’s worth of quarters into a machine just so I could turn into a cemetery flasher, I played enough (or got enough cheat codes) to get toward the end. There was something about a room that was devised by Satan.

Like I said, I got toward the end, not to it.

But hey, it’s got ghosts. And goblins. And motherfucking zombies in the forest. So I give it a Halloween thumbs up.

Another good one to bring out for Halloween:

Haunted House for Atari

What? It’s a haunted house. What’s more Halloween than that?


You’re a pair of eyes roaming around a dark house looking for stuff. Or a way out. You have some matches and sometimes you can light up a bit of the room and that’s when you realize you look like Meatwad. Well, you couldn’t have realized it back then because Meatwad wasn’t created yet, but I’m sure as hell thinking it now. I’m thinking the dude who wrote Aqua Teen Hunger Force played Haunted House for the Atari 2600.

Anyhow, there are monsters and cool sound effects.. Some spiders and bats and the ghost of the guy whose house you are in. I think.

Yea, it doesn’t sound as scary as the time I was playing Metal Gear Solid and some voice told me to put the game down and go to sleep and I freaked out. But I swear to you, it was scary.

Then again, everything is scary when you’ve had enough pot, I guess.

Hey, it’s Halloween. It’s a haunted house. Just go with it. - M

Michele and Turtle often strip down to their undies while writing Late Night Typing



it's all about castlevania and that whip, baby.


neither of us did castlevania..


There was also a game where you had a shotgun and you popped zombies. That was fun too

can't remember the name


Hexen. I remember when that first came out, the stereo simply freaked me out.


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