Ten Quick Questions With Comic Artist/Writer Evan Dorkin
by Turtle Jones
Welcome to another installment of 10 Quick Questions.These are when we ask people 10 questions. Get it? 10 Quick Questions? The questions are always the same and we just think it's funny to get the responses we do.
Today's guest is Evan Dorkin.
Thank you to Evan for doing this for us. Let's go.
1. Who are you?
Evan Dorkin, America's Cartoon Sweetheart, Norway's Greatest Enemy.
2. Zombies - undead monstrosity or the next logical step in human evolution ?
Hot Topic customers.
3. Young Elvis or Fat Elvis?
Young. Poor Elvis. Look what they did to him. Imagine if you were dead, and decades later it was still a big joke to ask about which weight class folks liked you at? That goddamned Colonel needed to have his neck broken by Sonny Chiba for what he did to that boy.
4. If you were a superhero, what would your name be?
It would still be Evan Dorkin. You keep your name when you attain superpowers, you don't become "John Lipschitz" or something when a radioactive spider nips you or your parents get shot to death. You just get a second, stupid, professional name. Mine would be Super Bastard Man or something dumb like that. Something they couldn't make Underoos out of. I would strike fear in the hearts of my relatives and former friends.
Where did this question come from, some comic book website message board? Jesus. If I must play along with this, I'd say Supergirl. Happy? Jesus. How would it be my job, anyway? Who's my boss? How do I get paid? Who wants to repopulate the joint anyway? Besides, we'd end up with a gaggle of inbred freaks, worse than what we have now. Who needs that? Besides Arkansas, I mean?
6. What was your first car?
A 1986 Piece Of Shit.
7. If you were going to show me around your city/town, where's the first place you would take me?
The Port Authority bus terminal. To see you off.
8. What's the last album you bought?
I can't remember. Honestly. I haven't bought any music in ages. We used to get so much free stuff between Sarah's zines and my comics, we never needed to buy many new CDs. We pretty much stopped collecting CDs and buying old records from thrift shops in the last five years. These days we get a couple of releases from friends in bands or from readers here and there. Like many people we steal music off the internet, to the tune of billions a year. I'm speaking just about ourselves, we stole about forty billion dollars worth of old novelty records off the interweb this year alone. Actually, I just listen to WFMU a lot. And steal records from thriftshops.
9. Do you have an arch enemy? Would you like one?
It used to be Norway, but we're speaking again. Sort of. It's a long story, I don't really want to get into it. I could use some more enemies, I guess. The more folks that hate you the more they blog about you, and any press is good press, especially when you're doing as badly as I am.
10. What's the title of the movie they are going to make about your teenage years?
The Suckiest Movie Ever: Part 2
Dork #11. 24 pages, 26 counting the inside covers. 216 purported gags. Published by the fine folks at Slave Labor Graphics. Price tag is a whopping $3, if you can find it at your local comic shop. If you even have a local comic shop. And the bastards ordered it. Otherwise, you can order it directly from SLG. Or just forget about it and spend the money on beer. No skin off my potato.
If you don't know what Milk and Cheese is, you really need to look into it cause Milk and Cheese are here to destroy. Two destructive dairy products who like to break people and not sleep. They also both seem to have an incredible appetite for liquor. See dude. That's funny. Angry Milk drinking a bottle of gin with a baseball bat or broken bottle in hand. That's funny. We wrote about them here. Also, check out the whole House of Fun site. Evan and Sarah rock.