Dog Shit
by Andrea Scott

What is all this crap about military wives can’t handle life without their husbands? I swear I think I’m going to lose my mind sometimes.

You know how I said that I’m getting tired of taking out the trash by myself and sleeping my bed alone, yeah I’m totally and completely fed up with it so much so that I’m thinking of getting rid of one of my dogs.

poo.jpgThis morning I got up to do my morning one-mile jog and one-mile roller blade lap with my two dogs (a golden retriever and a lab). After my jog I got all geared up to take the dogs on their lap but couldn’t seem to get them to stop freaking out. I try to let them poop before they run because we all know how it feels to have a prairie dog and you can’t do anything about it. By prairie dog I mean, fuck it you know what I mean, and if you don’t, hold it for like two hours and you’ll know what prairie doggin it is. Anyway for some reason I couldn’t get them to poop and when I finally did they both went berserk on me. This wouldn’t have been so bad except I already had my roller blades on. Yeah I’m stupid I know.

So I got them situated and gave them the signal to go. One dog went one way and the other went the other way. We somehow got tangled around a neighbors mailbox and I face planted it on the concrete driveway. So my pride is shot and I have bruises all over so I just let the leashes go. I’m yelling at them, “Go! “Run away please!” But they just stood there looking at me like I was nuts. Stupid dogs, but how cute are they, huh? So I sat up crying, took my roller blades off and walked the two houses back to my house with MY tail between my legs. The dogs followed even though I didn’t have them on a leash and we went inside.

What is terrible is usually they roller blade really well with me and I consider myself an average roller blader. Today was just an off day. But on those off days I want to yell at my husband because he’s not here to kiss my bruises and he’s not here to just take some of the crap away.

The other day I’m vacuuming and one of my dogs got so scared of the vacuum that instead of pissing on my brand new floor she actually shit all over it. Funny right? It gives a whole new meaning to scaring the shit out of something or someone.

Honey come home soon! Otherwise you might find me under a huge pile of dog shit!

Andrea enjoys torturing her dogs with the vacuum cleaner.



So, you want to get rid of your dog because an adult woman is rollerblading with TWO dogs? may want to rethink the whole rollerblade/dog exercise. Seems like you are setting your dogs up for adoption.


Kind of sad that you think it is okay to "get rid" of one of your dogs. Dogs are not disposable. Visit your local dog shelter. I bet it doesn't make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. All of those dogs are there because someone needed to "get rid" of them.


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