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God Damn That Was Funny
by Michele Christopher
Since Michele is out doing something that involves her kid, I am the lucky one to pick tonight’s topic. This is a topic that I have been told to hold back on and I might have snuck some of the topic in a few LNT's a long time ago before I was asked not to use it, but fuck, she's gone for another hour and by the time she gets back, I'll be watching TV or fighting with this ebay bitch about our T-Shirts. Yeah. They are still coming. Don't ask. Cause it's getting ugly.
But, be that neither here nor there, let's move on to the banned topic. Or rather not the banned topic, but the topic that my answer seems a tad bit, um, well, cruel and sick.
What was the funniest thing you have ever seen?
This is a tricky one. This requires some thought, cause if a movie was the funniest thing you have ever seen or America's Funniest Home Videos, more power too you. But, what we are asking is the thing you saw in real life that knocked you down laughing and will forever be burned in your mind possibly shaping the way you think about things nowadays.
turtle hits the playgrounds
I really can't remember how old I was. I remember I was in elementary school just playing basketball talking with a bunch of my friends about which Iron Maiden album was the best. I think I had Number of the Beast, but who knows. I mean Iron Maiden is kinda funny, but not funny ha ha, more just like funny in a sad way.
But, anyways, I digress. I remember there was no school in session, so it must have been the summer or after school or something like that. Or maybe they evacuated the school cause someone else was taking out kids with an AK-47. Who knows. I never understood why kids started turning schoolyards into there own personal shooting galleries but it's way to late to blame anyone for that at this time of night. But, I blame Tom Hanks movies. Admit it. Anytime you see that bastard smiling in a press shot with fucking Opie from Mayberry, you feel like shooting up some playground too, dontcha? Give ‘em one for Aunt Bea and shit?
Maybe that's just me.
But, anyways. Back to the funniest thing I ever witnessed in my life.
I was playing basketball in the blazing Fresno sun. Chugging back gatorade to stop from sweating blood. I mean it gets hot there. Like 136 degrees hot. Well, maybe 105, but you get the point, and I really had to take a piss. I stopped the game and headed for the bathrooms. As I walked up, I heard crying. Muffled crying. I was too young to know what jail rape was so I'm sure that didn't cross my mind, so I thought someone must be hurt. Walking into the bathroom, I turned my head to the right to see a kindergartner or 1st grader, hell if I know, sitting on the crapper with his head hung low and as pants around his ankles just sobbing. Like he was almost praying or getting ready to make a dash for it. But, he couldn’t. His pants were around his ankles.
In the stall next to him, an older kid was standing on top of the tank of the toilet with his cock in his hand. Pissing over the stall on to the little kids head. A stream of urine clearing the barrier like a high jumper at the Olympics. The kid was just taking it. The smile on the urinators face was one of pure evil as the arch of piss cleared the steel separator between the two kids landing directly on the urintees head.
The both glanced over at me.
One had an expression of "Check out what I can do."
The other, a look of "OH CHRIST HELP ME!!"
I watched for about fifteen seconds before tears welled up in my eyes from laughing.
Without saying a word, I turned around and left.
Once outside, I collapsed on the ground listening to the kid scream for help.
Ok. I admit it. I could have helped him.
But, god damn that was funny. - T
Well shit. I'm out doing food type stuff and he's sitting in my house coming up with a topic that I banned him from writing about.
He will pay for this.
Listen. I've seen a lot of funny things in my life. I know I must have, because I remember laughing a lot. But expecting me to remember shit like that at this point in my life is not fair. It's been a long week. My brain is fried.
So I'm not going to tell you the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life.
I'm going to show you the funniest thing I've seen all week.
And most of you aren't even going to think this shit is funny. I know thefinn will. Maybe that's about it. But there's something about these pictures that make me pee my pants from laughing.
Not really. I'm not incontinent.
Here's my funny.
Yea. So that's what I think is funny. That's what makes me laugh so hard milk comes out of my nose.
At least this week.
And I don't even drink milk.
Hey, at least it's not a little kid being peed on. - M
So those are some of the funniest things we have ever seen. Yeah sure, some of ours are sick, but admit it, most of us think sick humor is the best humor.
We told you ours.
What were yours?