Now That Is Comedy
by Michele Christopher

Tonight, we have decided that we want to step out of all the holidays and thanking type stuff for this and that for at least one day before we get barraged for the next month with ads and feelings of cheer towards all people has to be legally imposed on FTTW like some kinda of Jewish curfew set in place by the Nazis.

So what better way to do that then by laughing. No, not "ho ho ho" type shit either.

This is funny type stuff. Stand up comedians. There are a bunch out there and simply put, we want to know who is the best of all time.

So there it is. That's the question.wences.jpg

Who are the funniest?

turtle sticks up for the little guy

Sure, this is a pretty easy question. If any of you knew me, you could prolly say pretty easily that I identify with some more than others. But, simply put, there is one comedian that I think is the pinnacle of all that is good in the world and all that is funny.

Señor Wences.

This man made masturbation, for me, a different experience every night. If this man can have three or four different characters distinguishable only by theirdifferent hairstyles, why couldn't I?

Sure, it was weird when one would get jealous that I was seeing too much of the other one, but you know what? I could just replace the wig on my fist and bring in another broad.

Hours and hours of masturbatory fun were created during my formative years thanks to this man and my mom's male pattern baldness.

Thank you Senior Wences.

Thank you. - T

Michele goes next

I like to laugh. Ok, who doesn't like to laugh? Besides Oscar the Grouch. Though, he would probably laugh at you if something bad happened to you. He's a bastard like that. I bet his favorite comedian is Don Rickles.

I hate Don Rickles.

But which comedians do I love?

Mitch Hedberg. Mitch was just coming into his own when he died in March of 2005.hedberg.jpg I remember they made the announcement on April 1st and everyone thought it was a nasty April Fool's joke. We kept waiting for the punchline. There was none.

Mitch's humor was dry and simple. He told the kind of jokes that made you say "Hey, I never thought about that before." Sometimes you laughed out loud and sometimes you just smiled knowingly and said, "yea, I've been that stoned before to think along those lines." He seemed like the kind of guy I hung out with back in high school. The classic "look what mindfuck I thought up today" stoner. And he delivered his jokes as if he was sitting in the room with just you and him. RIP, Mitch.

Favorite lines:

* I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait."
* I bought myself a parrot; the parrot talked, but it did not say "I'm hungry", so it died
* I want to be a race car passenger. Just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say, man, can I turn on the radio?" "You should slow down." "Why we gotta keep going in circles?" "You really like Tide."
* "I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."

Eddie Izzard
- I love Eddie mostly because his humor is intellectual. You have to have an awareness of the world in order to get a lot of his jokes. I also love his delivery. Very deadpan sometimes, other times very smart ass-y. Sometimes you wonder if he's making fun of you while telling you jokes. He often has a stream-of-conciousness way of delivering his material. izzard.jpgThen he'll sort of trail off, as if he forgot what he was going to say or just lost his train of though. A lot of people don't like that about him, but I find it fits in well with his act and personality. I think it's kind of endearing. He also has a tendency to explain himself, how he got from one subject to another which, again, I find really works for him. I just really like the way everything seems off the cuff and thought up on the spur of the moment, often coming out as nonsensical. Hey, I'm a nonsensical kind of gal. And yes, he's a very pretty man.

Favorite lines:

* Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too. If they have a gun.
* I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.
* If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.
* There was a spirit of ex-empire, this thing of "things can't be done", whereas in America, I thought there was a spirit of "can be done!", the pioneer thing. "Go do it, what do you want to do?" "I want to put babies on spikes." "Go, then! Go! What a wonderful idea. It's the American Dream!"

And my favorite bit:

"Cake or death?" That's a pretty easy question. Anyone could answer that.
"Cake or death?"
"Eh, cake please."
"Very well! Give him cake!"
"Oh, thanks very much. It's very nice."
"You! Cake or death?"
"Uh, cake for me, too, please."
"Very well! Give him cake, too! We're gonna run out of cake at this rate. You! Cake or death?"
"Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry..."
"You said death first, uh-uh, death first!"
"Well, I meant cake!"

Bill Hicks- Yea, another dead one. Eddie better watch out. Cynical, controversial, biting, scathing and political, Hicks's act was nonetheless funny. He was raw and honest,bill_hicks.jpg which is what I loved most about him. I may not have always agreed with what he was saying, but I loved his intensity and the power of his belief in his ideals.

Favorite lines:
* A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. Do you think when Jesus comes back, he's really going to want to see a fucking cross? Ow! Maybe that's why he hasn't shown up's like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a sniper rifle pendant...

* They [Australians] celebrate Easter the exact same way we do: commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit … left chocolate eggs in the night. Now, I wonder why we're fucked up as a race. Anybody got any idea? You know, I've read the Bible. I can't find the word "bunny" or "chocolate" anywhere in the fucking book. Where do they come up with this shit? Why not goldfish left Lincoln logs in your sock drawer? As long as you're making shit up, you know, go hog-wild. At least the goldfish with a Lincoln log on its back going across your carpet has some miraculous connotations. "Mum, today I found a Lincoln log in my sock drawer." "That's the story of Jesus."

* And the whole "hooligans" bit. - M

So that's the way it is. Some of our responses were serious, and maybe some not so serious. But, in the end, it is not what is funny to us that really matters. It's what is funny to you.

So who are they?

Who do you think are the funniest comedians of all time?

Michele and Turtle know that the forests, they echo with laughter



i really like george carlin

i was just kidding up there


Patton Oswalt.

And Henry Rollins, but he only half counts.


I think henry counts.

i mean he gets up and is funny.


I actually considered Henry as my third choice, but Bill won out.


don rickles is my patrick swayze...


"This shirt is dry clean only...which means it is dirty."

God bless you mitch hedberg


don rickles is my patrick swayze...

you are a sick woman

and it's Mr. Patrick Swayze

show Mr. Swayze some god damn respect, ok?


Bill Hicks was amazing (...and Jesus plucked the thorn from the dinosaurs paw...)and Eddie Izzard makes me laugh until it hurts (Do you have a flag ?).

There are so many... Jack Benny had the best timing of any comedian I've ever seen, Bob Newhart did the best deadpan, Jon Stewart does the best cynic and Richard Pryor did the best standup.


Eddie Izzard. "Europe is where all the History comes from."

Mitch Hedberg. "I came home and found my apartment was infested with koala bears. The cutest infestation ever." and "Fuck you! I'm not making you a pastrami and cottage cheese sandwich." and "Mitchell, Smokey the Bear is much more intense in person...he's an asshole." We lost him way too soon.

Dennis Miller. LOVE Dennis Miller, especially his older stuff.

So now I know partially why I spend time here...sense of humor.


1) Dennis Miller
2) Ron White
3) Richard Belzer
4) Bob Newhart
5) Richard Pryor


Margaret Cho, woman, lesbian, korean all the minority groups meshed into this beautiful woman. She makes girl power seem weak. She is the ultimate in comedians.


Bill Hicks is my god. He died on my twentieth birthday, which sucks. Janeane Garofalo is the funniest woman alive. She's also hot as hell, plus she's mean. Score!

Margaret Cho is all right. Sadly, women are mostly not funny.


I totally agree with you there. There are very, very few female comedians I will tolerate for more than a few minutes. I just don't find any of them funny.


I love Eddie Izzard and Mitch Hedberg, who I only discovered like a year ago after a friend made me a copy of a CD. Sucks that he's dead.

Bill Hicks I have not heard, but it sounds like I should. Seems hilarious.

I would also go for Henry Rollins. I saw him live doing spoken word once and it was just hilarious and incredibly entertaining. I'm hoping he comes back through town soon.

I also have much love for George Carlin and Lewis Black. Both are great.


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