I generally don’t make lists and I usually don’t have favourites. I like to take everything on its own merits. Comparing Pink Floyd before and after Roger Waters is like comparing apples and testicles, so I don’t compare. They are two separate things. Iron Maiden with Paul Di’Anno compared to Bruce Dickinson. The Clash during the period with Mick Jones versus the period after he left….. Well, okay, I’ll give you that one. I should never have mentioned that.

I like or dislike based on what’s offered. People who talk about horror sequels in a negative way often annoy me because of this tendency of mine. Keeping the spirit is one thing, but if you thought you’d be as surprised at the end of Saw 2 as you were at the end of Saw, then I’m sorry my friend, you are a simpleton and we can’t help you at FTTW. If you were upset that I Still Know What You Did Last Summer was shittier than I Know What You Did Last Summer, then you get too upset over shitty movies and we still can’t help you.

What’s fucked up is that I’m not talking about either of those things today. I’m talking about the movies that I tend to watch the most. Not necessarily the ones I like the most, but the ones I watch the most. Sometimes I’ll put on a movie because it’s late, I’m tired and I feel like sleeping on the couch. I might want a good one to hold my attention until I fall asleep, or I might want a good shitty one that’s relatively good to watch while not too upsetting to miss. Sometimes I’ll put on a movie because there’s nothing on TV and, no matter how many times I see it, that movie gets me. For whatever reason, here are some movies that I have seen a million times.

Zombie (aka Zombi 2)

If you know me then you saw this coming a mile away. The opening shot in this movie is a gun firing and a corpse dying for the second time. Two minutes later, a zombie kills a cop. Later on, there’s a fucking underwater fight between a zombie and a shark in this one, and that one alone should really explain everything. Come ON, man, a shark and a zombie. Neither one of them gives a shit at all. Someone’s getting fucked up, you know? Fucked up bad. The zombie loses an arm and he’s all, like, “Fuck that, motherfucker, how you like this? HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW???” and messes that shark up good and proper. That’s one heavy macho zombie. I know I talk about Zombie all the time, but again, did you not hear what happens? That’s the coolest thing ever. Ever. Some day very soon I’ll talk about the whole movie in more detail. And I promise I won’t talk about it for at least a month after that.

Let Sleeping Corpses Lie

Dude, this is one of the coolest zombie movies I’ve ever seen, and not for the usual reasons. It’s a great movie but it’s a little more than that….. they’re just a touch more obvious in their social commentary (which is in just about every zombie movie you’ve seen or are likely to see). Made by dirty hippies for sure. It has this big, in you face subplot about the evils of progress and its effect on society. In the opening scene there are multiple shots of exhaust pipes and people wearing face masks to protect themselves from the air pollution caused by their all too rapid progress that threatens their very existence, blah fuckidy blah. It’s lame but it’s great too. It’s just a cool little snapshot of the culture of the time, and the ideas that the filmmakers had.

This one isn’t very bloody but it has a lot of suspense. There are some really good scenes in this one, and it’s fairly underrated in my opinion.

In the opening scenes, where the two main characters meet and become traveling companions, you will find yourself laughing. I don’t think they meant for us to do that. The guy’s such an asshole to the girl though, I love it.


Vamp

Okay, this movie isn’t the best, it’s horribly 80’s with the bad hair and the dated clothes and the college setting and the guys looking for strippers and the Asian nerd and oh my, it must be fun. Grace Jones plays the head vampire(ss), and if you think that’s scary then wait until you meet the lead character, a dude by the name of Chris Makepiece. Maybe you know him; I think the height of his career was Meatballs. Or maybe My Bodyguard….. No! Mazes & Monsters! That’s my choice, the height of his career was Mazes and Monsters (and it sucked). Oh shit, I forgot about The Falcon & The Snowman. Meh, with crap like that behind you, nobody’s going to remember the one time you acted with Sean Penn except you.

This is another one of those horror comedies, and you know, it’s not that bad. You know what you’re getting into. And hey, It’s got Sandy Baron in it. Ya know who that is? That’s Jack Klompus from Seinfeld. You know, with the space pen and the box of raincoats. Yeah, you wanted horror, you get Klompus. Well, maybe Klompus dies well in the movie. Maybe he fucking doesn’t either, guess you’ll have to track it down, won’t ya?

So what do you have for me? Like I said, this is part one so I’ll be back with more later, but I want to know the horror movies you’ve seen a million times. Nobody cares if they’re good or not, who are we to judge, you know? I might find another one for the short list.

Dan is definitely obsessed with a shark vs. zombie fight and has contacted Don King about a possible pay per view event.

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