RSM's Cardinal Compact Disc Owning Rules
by Rockstar Mommy
I remember being really excited when my husband and I began seriously dating, not because I thought I had found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with (well, that too, I guess), but because I wanted to steal his CDs and claim them as my own wonderful expansion to my collection. I was right. The collection definitely expanded, just not in the way I had hoped. When I realized that there were suddenly King Diamond albums next to KMFDM, I knew that it wasn't exactly what I had bargained for a life partner. But, I can't be entirely disappointed, since he did bring with him David Bowie's Black Tie Live import album.
I really love the convenience of the age of MP3 files and I use them to listen to almost all of my music throughout the course of the day. But I still can't help but miss indulging in my CD collection for which I buy less and less and listen to not even half as much. Although it's not the priority that it used to be, I still take a lot of pride in it and I've always been all about keeping it immaculately alphabetized and intact. Everyone that comes in my house knows I am the Compact Disc Nazi and if you're caught mixing Stiff Little Fingers in with X-Ray Specs, you will be branded and deported. Or, you know, probably just told to put it back in the right place. Whatever.
Unfortunately, along with the King Diamond, my husband came without any of the basic Cardinal Compact Disc Owning Rules.
For those of you who may be unaware (and shame on you):
RULE 1: All CD's shall remain alphabetized at all times for instant access capabilities. Also, keeping them in alphabetical order takes away from the priorities of favorites so that no one will ever think that you believe ABBA is more important to you than the Clash.
RULE 2: All CD Covers must remain inside their rightful jewel cases. If you need to figure out the lines to ****, fine, but for the love of God, put it back.
RULE 3: All CD's are only to be placed back in their original cases. If you are listening to MC5 and decide you're more in the mood for Iron Maiden (which? why?!!), it is NEVER okay to the place High Time CD in the Number Of The Beast case. No one wants to have to follow a trail of shitty 80's metal in order to find what they were primarily looking for.
RULE 4: Cracked jewel cases are to be replaced. Seriously. They're like, 10 cents a piece. Shake the change out of your couch cushions and show your collection a little respect. I'm begging.
RULE 5, THE Cardinal Compact Disc Owning Rule: It is never okay to leave a CD laying around out of it's case. NEVER. Even if you're having a heart attack as you're removing the CD from the stereo, it only takes 15 seconds to place the CD in it's case and snap it shut, leaving you plenty of time to dial Emergency Rescue. Remember, people: Priorities.
Fairly simple, right?
After years of reciting these rules ad nauseum, my husband has started getting the hang of them. Or, at least, I thought so. Until last night, when I opened up a Subhuman's case only to discover Megadeth's Peace Sells CD staring up at me. My initial reaction was to scowl the rules at him in the thickest German accent possible, but I didn't because I realized that it's not his fault. The effects of all this shitty 80's metal has clearly spread to his brain. Hopefully, it's not contagious.
FTTW is going to give Rock Star Mommy King Diamond's No Presents For Christmas this year. In a cracked case.
Those are great rules I agree completely with. Unfortunately, I'm not too good at following them all, particularly the keeping CDs in their proper cases.
Every couple months I end up going through my collection and fixing all the misplaced CDs. I don't know why I do it to myself.
Posted by: Joel | November 30, 2006 1:31 AM
I'm horrible at all of the above -- including owning the King Diamond, Iron Maiden and Megadeth.
I'm unapologetically a fan of them all (especially Megadeth, one of the best bands EVER!).
Posted by: Cullen | November 30, 2006 6:32 AM
You would have a nervous breakdown in my house. All the CDs are either out of their cases or in the wrong cases. And all the ones we listened to recently are stacked on top of the receiver.
Every once in a while, I'll go through and move everything to its right case and put them away.
The only time I alphabetize my CDs is when I am having anxiety issues or I'm stresed out about something. It's a form of therapy.
And King Diamond rules!
Posted by: michele | November 30, 2006 7:29 AM
My collection is compliant with the above regulations.
I still like Iron Maiden though.
Posted by: Dan | November 30, 2006 9:22 AM
Those are my CD rules to the 'T.' I can't see how anyone can organize their CDs otherwise. Weirdos.
Posted by: fw sunshine | November 30, 2006 10:44 AM
i'm lucky if i find a cd i bought last month around my place
i think i need some rules like you have
Posted by: turtle | November 30, 2006 10:58 AM
Our collection is in alphabetical order... but don't ever open one!!! ;)
Posted by: beka | November 30, 2006 11:08 AM
I have loose Cd's rolling around my car. I have a visor holder (no cases) but when I peel around a corner they fly out. In the summer they go out the window! *waits for reprimand*
Posted by: Sarah | November 30, 2006 11:33 AM
The majority of my cd's are in the car, and unfortunately, that means neither in cases or alphabetical order. I do keep them in their protective cd cases (not the jewel ones) to prevent scratching... but yeah, so disorganized!
Posted by: Kait | November 30, 2006 11:38 AM
i hold everyone to these rules but me.
don't fuck up my cd's unless you're me. in that case i'll emotionally destroy you later, me.
Posted by: kali | November 30, 2006 12:03 PM
Bravo. I wish everyone would stick those rules. I actually cringe when i see most people's fucked up cd collections. My wife brought with her a ton of trash as well but even worse than her not following the rules, she ALLOWS the boys to listen to, or should I say, destroy he cd's. I have never shared a shelf with her thankfully... of course that was mainly because Selloutica would end up in front of the Misfits and that is just way too fucked up.
Posted by: tesco, the king of all that which is good | November 30, 2006 6:38 PM
It's hard to keep your cd's in alphabetical order when you have them in a cd case for easy transportation. But i usually know where they are. But i always keep my cases are in alphabetical order on my shelf. And about the cracks. I try to get a new case, but sometimes the cracks have sentimental value.
Posted by: Germ, the king of tesco | November 30, 2006 7:08 PM
I hardly even own any CDs, and since I've moved so much lately, everything's been ripped onto my computer and stored away in boxes. It's kind of sad.
Posted by: Heather | November 30, 2006 7:22 PM
But i always keep my cases are in alphabetical order on my shelf.
King of who? ;)
Posted by: rsm | November 30, 2006 10:25 PM
Posted by: tesco | November 30, 2006 10:27 PM
oh, so I guess I'm going to have to point out every little mistake you make now.
Posted by: Germ, king of everyone | December 1, 2006 11:35 AM
Sehr gut, RSM! You are the uber-Madchen of reason and order. My CDs are either in my car (alphabetized in cases) or my jukebox (alphabetized there, and multiple works by one artist in chronological order of release. The cases are kept in same fashion elsewhere.). This system works perfectly unless my ADHD-addled 13 year old defiles it.
Posted by: Jane, kingmaker of Tesco and Germ | December 1, 2006 11:42 AM
I break every one of those damned rules and I feel like a heel. And a slob. Organization comes in handy, sometimes.
Scratched, lost and buried CDs are not the way to listen to music.
Posted by: adam | December 1, 2006 1:02 PM
Posted by: jonny641 | December 13, 2006 7:19 AM