Alternative Christmas Music
by Michele Christopher
It's time for Christmas music. No, not that kind of music. You won't find Little Drummer Boy or Oh Holy Night on my Christmas songs list.
Ok, I like the traditional Christmas music. It gets me in the mood. But by the time it gets to be five or so days before Christmas, I get tired of it. I'll take the Frosty and Santa's Coming to Town and Up on the Rooftop and all those kid like goofy songs. But some of these tunes, oy vey. They bring out the Scrooge in me. Felice Navidad makes me stabby. That Christmas Shoes song makes me want to choke someone with a pair of cowboy boots. Have you ever heard Barbra Streisand's version of Jingle Bells? It's enough to make you turn Jewish.
So each year I compile a list of Christmas songs that will keep me in the mood, but keep me from choking a random elf. And I always take suggestions from the peanut gallery. That's you, by the way. Add on any songs you think fit the bill here. Eventually I'll get around to making a CD out of them and we'll play these tunes as we decorate the tree. Or I'll use the CD to scare my relatives away when the stop over for some Christmas cheer. I got your cheer right here, Mom. And it's got King Diamond's face.
Oh, and first person to suggest Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer gets a kick in the head. I hate the fucking song.
The 2006 list, thus far:
King Diamond - No Presents for Christmas
And, for Turtle:
(Let's Have) a Patrick Swayze Christmas (from the MST3K version of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians)
Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, one and all.
So name your Christmas poison here. Give me some good songs to add to my collection (and I already have the South Park Christmas CD as a staple of the holiday season around here).
Michele's favorite Christmas song was banned in 16 countries