Another Public Service Announcement.
by Travis Gruber
This is another public service announcement from howtokillpeople.com and this one is for the guys.
Volkswagens are for girls. Quit driving them.
"Yes, I need a topless tune up, two pitchers of pabst, two dozen hot wings, a lap dance, and a full nude oil change." GOD DAMN THAT WOULD RULE! Though you would probably have to limit the type of work nekkid chicks do on cars, on slip up and a hot chick loses a nipple.
This is a picture of a guy standing proudly next to his custom jetta. There are two things missing from this picture. Can you guess what they are? If you guessed "The hot chick who’s supposed to be driving it" you’re right. The second thing missing is a little harder to notice. If you look really carefully you’ll notice that this guy’s boyfriend is also not in the picture. As you can see: My theory stands proven, VWs are girls cars.
I also decided to conduct a survey of girls I know, personally, that drive Volkswagens.
Now let me break from the questionnaire for a moment. I understand men working on their cars. My dad used to customize cars as a hobby. But he worked on classic cars. Vehicles that were monstrous pieces of metallic art work. Not these flimsy pieces of fiberglass chick shit. Last Question.
That brings me to my final point: Why the fuck are you euro-ing out your shitty chick mobiles? What the fuck is the point of putting a super sized wing on the ass end of your car? What the fuck is the point of putting nos in your VW? You’re not living in the middle of "The Fast and The Furious". All you’re doing is adding to the possibility that if you get into an accident, your car will explode. Good job dipshit. Dumping all of that money into a girls car doesn’t make you more of a man. If you cover ten tons of shit with gold all you have is shiny hill of shit
For those of you who still don’t believe me: The god damned beetle has a built in flower holder for the love of Christ. So guys, do yourselves a favor, if you do drive a VW, give it to your girlfriend, sister, or mother. If you insist on driving a Volkswagen go get a copy of Justin Timberlake’s single "Cry Me A River" and put it on infinite repeat, because you’re a bigger woman than he is.
Travis knows that driving an IROC is like hiding the fact that you want to drive a Volkswagen