Extreme Self Defense for the Modern Woman
by Turtle Jones

DISCLAIMER: Ted Bronson is not a licensed self defense teacher, but much of what he has learned and is sharing in this article is the same kind of techniques that are taught in such courses. However, some of these moves, if executed improperly, could concieveably kill someone. We here at FTTW don't condone you killing anyone, but you should know what to do if you're attacked. That being said, if you find yourself in a situation where you utilize any of these techniques and they backfire, neither Ted nor FTTW can be held responsible.

The times they are a-changing. Used to be a mugger just wanted your money, didn't care about the ATM card or VISA, and only hurt you as a last resort because he knew it would increase his jailtime. Not anymore. You can't turn on the news without hearing about some punk who killed or maimed somebody for a mere handful of dollars, brutally forced them go the money machine and empty the account, or killed someone after raping them.

ch12_image10selfdefense.jpgI hope to tell you a few things that can help avoid serious injury or death on your part if you ever get into a situation where your life as well as your money or virtue are at risk. I qualified that last statement, in case you didn't notice, and I did so for this reason: even given that violence in crime is unpredictable, and the horrors reported on the evening news are becoming more prevalent, statistically, a mugger or rapist gets what he wants then leaves. Resistance is why people get killed most of the time. But how can you be sure? You can't. Any cop in the world will tell you that the easiest way to get through an ordeal like that is to submit completely, don't fight back, because nothing you own is worth your life. I will not publicly agree or disagree with that statement.

I used to be in the armed forces of the US. I used to kill people for a living. Harsh, but true. In my tenure in the military, I killed almost 50 people in single combat (meaning not with a bomb or missile but directly, hands-on), and eight of those were with my bare hands (no weapons other than skill, drive to survive, innate meanness, and a hyperdeveloped sense of fight or flight directly from my lizard-brain.) I mention this for two reasons:

1) I know personally what it is to be locked in mortal combat;
2) I know what it feels like after you have killed a man.

If you are going to resist being robbed or raped, you have to decide RIGHT NOW if you can kill a man or not for the contents of your purse or panties. If you decide you cannot, good for you. But don't read any more of this article. If you have any doubts about your willingness to kill to protect yourself, reading this will just give you ideas you won't follow through on when the time comes to act. Follow-through is the ONLY WAY that some of these methods will work. If you can't stomach it, don't read it. If, however, you decide that the risks of protecting yourself from the scum of the earth who prey on women balance against the possibility of being killed yourself during the act, or of contracting a fatal disease, or of being a serial target (a woman who, once raped or robbed, is hit again by the same guy because he has her address and keys from her purse) then by all means read on. Please.

sm-civ5.jpgFirst, let me address how a woman gets attacked. Knowing this may keep it from ever happening to you. Most women get attacked inside their own territory: their homes, places of work, the stores they frequent, etc. This is simple math, though -- if that's where you spend the most time, it's the most likely setting for an attack. You obviously can't avoid these places and you can't always travel in pairs or packs for protection. So how do you avoid the problem? Situational awareness. This is your territory. Learn it. Learn to notice when something is not the way it usually is. Look for broken light fixtures where before things were well lit. Look for a vehicle hanging around that doesn't belong. Pay attention to the people around you. If you look everyone you meet in the eye and make them realize that you see them, not just notice them out of the periphery of your perception, you will weed out a huge portion of scum who will see you as a hard target and they will go on to easier prey.

How you carry yourself motivates most people below their conscious knowledge. Walk proud, head up, eyes bright and open, shoulders square. These are the things that the top dog in the pack does when he knows he is in command of his environment. The little predator who picks women to attack will sub-consciously write you off as too big of a bite. This will obviously not work with everyone, like those who are impaired by drugs or alcohol may not be thinking clearly enough to notice the killing glint in your eye. Continuing, how you dress plays only a tiny factor in whether or not you become a target. But, there are some guidelines that can make it harder for an attacker, again making him seek easier prey. If you wear jeans or slacks often, good. Wear panties too. A rapist is looking for easy access, so delaying his access to your vagina or anus may prevent a rape from occurring at all. If you do go out wearing skirts or dresses, I cannot urge strongly enough the need for undergarments. A dress with no panties offers a prime target for a rapist. And you have to remember, a serial rapist knows what he's doing. He has a plan and is just looking for the most convenient target. He will be able to tell.

I will now address simple robbery. Again, I stress that nothing in your purse is worth dying for. If, however, you are robbed and can't give up your purse -- say, because your insulin is in it -- there are a few things you can do to slow down or stop the act.


And I mean scream like a fucking banshee. Let the world know that something is wrong. Most cops recommend screaming "FIRE" because that makes people run to see what is going on. A call for help is usually not enough to rouse our jaded society. The robber does not want anybody to see him or notice him at all, so he may abandon the robbery right there. Or he could stick a knife in your belly and gut you like a fish. It's your call.

self-defense-for-women.gif 2. FALL DOWN
Doing this may seem like an invitation to violence, and it is -- an invitation to the mugger to get his balls hit up into his throat. If you're on the ground, he is going to come after you. When he does, he's already feeling victorious and his guard is down. There are a few things you can do, here. Spring back up, holding both hands together in one big fist, and rack him square in the 'nads, putting the entire force of your leap along with all your fear and hate into the blow. Realize, of course, that you might miss. If you do, you now have scared and pissed mugger who just became more dangerous. So don't give him time to react -- keep at him. Go for his eyes, his throat. (I'll cover how to do this later in the article.)

Especially if you can get to a more populous place in a few seconds. He will probably chase you. When he does, he is gonna be pissed. But if you have the chance to run, take it. He will not chase you very far, most of the time, because you have now made yourself a hard target. When he does catch you, though, he is likely to more out of breath then you so he will take you from behind, fall on you, and likely break your ribs, chin, or wrists. If by chance he does not knock you over, but instead grabs you from behind, use those heels. Kick backward with your feet against his shins, thighs, or knees -- especially the knees. The best way to keep a man from chasing you is to ruin his ability to walk. Kick the knee caps straight back, bending them backwards, or sweep the knee directly from the side. Either of these will fell him like the sack of shit he is, will slow him down immensely in any ensuing pursuit, and has the capability to cause life long damage, forever altering his ability to walk. Also, put those pointy heels to work on his feet, instep, ankles, etc. Remember, stomp straight down and use all of your weight in the blow. But just in case he does get you down, you're still not out. Again, go for the face. Use your knees to pummel his balls. Endorphins in your body are coursing like a river at this point, so you're likely not to feel the pain you're in yet. Just remember, running is an option only when you have someplace to go.

This approach is only a delaying tactic. Apply in two ways: Come on to him, tell him how strong he is and how scared you are of him. This will make him think of you as the victim he wants you to be and throw him off for when you do make your physical attack. Or, pretend to break down completely, race from extremes of terror to rage, cuss him out. This will make him defensive because he thinks he is dealing with a crazy lady and needs to be wary, possibly making him abort the robbery completely. This is the least likely tactic to be effective, though.

If the mugger has a visible weapon, all bets are off. He may shoot you to shut you up, he could knife you to keep you from running... the possibilities are endless. If you're struggling for your life against a weapon, assume it WILL BE USED. A knife or an ice pick or other similar stabbing implement is reasonably easy to take out of the fight. Grab it. Yes, it's going to hurt like Hell on a bad day. But rather than your throat being cut, it's only your hand. Or, take the blade in the arm. It will usually come out of the hand of the attacker. When it does, he has lost his psychological edge, seen that you are not afraid of pain, and that now YOU are the one with a weapon. (An aside here: If you have a weapon in your purse, when he takes your purse he has your weapon. Unless you are going to get a carry permit, carry it in a holster on your person, and practice with your weapon, a pistol is of little use to you.) If he has a pistol, your odds are almost nil of taking it from him unless you have taken a very thorough, very intensive course of study in a martial art or two. All I recommend is one of the above strategies and hope for the best. Sorry I can't do better that that -- no one can. However, this is not necessarily true in the case of a rape attempt.

eye.gouge.jpgThe rapist is one of the lowest forms of life on the planet. I heartily endorse any act that would stop them from using up my oxygen. Keep in mind that most police still say that being a rape victim is better than being a murder victim. I can't agree with that. I've heard that one in four women in the US is raped or molested before they turn 16 years old. I've spent my adult life dealing with a succession of women who are survivors of rape and the stories they tell of how their life has been affected are staggering. I feel that it's possible that number may be much higher, thanks to crimes that are never reported. The same strategies mentioned before to deal with muggers apply to rapists, but now I am going to get much nastier.

I mean pull his balls down to his knees. Scenario: the rapist has you on your knees, a knife or gun to your temple or throat, forcing you to give him head. Tell him how much you love his dick, how great it tastes, how big he is, and whatever else you think will stroke his ego or is what he tells you to say. When he tenses up prior to his orgasm, grab one ball in each hand and jerk as hard as you can, straight down. His testicles will come off in your hands and he will bleed to death in a matter of minutes. The pain prior to death will be so great, he will be non-functional if not passed out completely. His hands will go his crotch, he will drop whatever weapon he has, and you can run like hell away from him. Or finish him off by crushing his throat with your heel. Your call.

The idea here is to stick your thumbs (by far your strongest digit) through his eye sockets, pull out his eyeballs, and finger fuck his brain. Use this whenever you see the opportunity, because you may not get another chance.

The injury here is to an attacker's cheek or cheeks. Using your thumb, poke a hole through the bad guy's cheek and peel his cheek off his head. If you get lucky you can take the entire cheek, an ear, his lips, or the tissue around his eye. The pain factor is incredible, the perp will again be immobile or unconscious.

At some point, the bad guy has to reach for you with the hand not holding a weapon. This is just what you want him to do. When he reaches for you, hold your hands out in front of you as if to protect yourself. When he is in range, grab his hand with both of yours. Grab two of his fingers in each of your hands and yank them apart like a wishbone. His hand will separate up through to his wrist bones. The fingers are likely to come off in your hands, so be prepared. This pain is so shattering, the mugger or rapist will drop anything he is carrying as a weapon and instinctively try to cradle his maimed hand, if not just pass out completely.

This one is not easy, and you may not ever get a chance to do it, but keep it in mind for that golden opportunity. All you need to do to temporarily incapacitate a man is punch him in the throat. Barring a punch, pressure from your forearm, elbow, knee, heel, etc. can kill him if applied long enough, knock him out due to oxygen starvation, or possibly even crush his larynx, causing him to drown in his own blood.

I fervently hope that no one who reads this will ever have cause to have to do any of things listed here to protect their lives. But if you do, remember a few last things:

Nothing is your purse or wallet is worth your life.

If you fight back, your risk of getting killed is much, much higher.

And finally, when you kill or maim your attacker, our justice system is just as likely to hold you up for punishment, either in civil or criminal court. So as always, you just gotta take your chances.

Ted Bronson is not a self defense instructor, but plays one on tv

Guest Author archives

Previously by Ted Bronson
Price of a Woman

Men's Underwear Stinks
How To Cheat on Your Wife and Why You Shouldn't


this is a hell of a thing to wake up too. The eye gouge is brutal. But, I guess if you are being attacked.....blind the fucker


I will print this and give it to my wife as long as she promises not to try any of it on me. Cuz she would like to.


you need one of these, dan


That would make both our lives complete.


This is very nice information about self-defense. I will share this with my friends and loved ones. Thank you!


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