I'm Not Dumb Enough To Be A Goalie
by Deb Beckers

I was watching a hockey movie on the weekend (The Rocket – very good movie) and I loved the look of the old style hockey games.

Road_hockey.jpgHardly any padding. I mean the jewels were covered, and the knees and elbows, but there was nothing on the head AND, if you were a goalie, nothing on your face.

What a bunch of crazy melon farmers.

It must have been great though. The wind in your hair as you whipped down the ice on a breakaway. Actually being able to hear the other players without a helmet muffle.

I was so inspired that I went out to play some road hockey with the kids next door.

“GAME ON!!!!!”

I learned two things. 1. Goalies are crazy and need masks, if only to hide their ugly mugs; and 2. It is the greatest game in the world, especially when you get to see it through the eyes of someone who is experiencing the game for the first time.


Worst Moments/People/etc. in Hockey History

(in no particular order)

harold_ballard.jpg1. “I am NOT a crook!” ~ Alan Eagleson

Yeah you are. Head of the NHLPA from 1967-1992, he was convicted of fraud, racketeering and embezzlement. The ass bilked BOBBY ORR (and others) out of their pensions. He’s also the only person ever to resign from the Hockey Hall of fame. No kidding, he’s lucky they didn’t put together a firing squad with napalm pucks.

2. Two words... Harold. Fekking. Ballard.

He took full control of the Leafs in 1971 and for the next 20 years the team went into a downward spiral that they are only now starting to recover from. Ballard let the upstart World Hockey League walk away with his players (including Dave Keon) – word was that he was getting kickbacks. He traded away Lanny MacDonald (players trashed the locker room after the trade was announced) and Darryl Sittler, whom he labeled a “cancer on the team”. The almighty dollar was the only prize he wanted – Bettman would have loved him.

3. Eddie Shore (Boston) – Great Defenseman, but don’t get on his bad side. He’s #7 on the NHL's list of longest number of game suspensions. Also known as the “Edmonton Express”, in a career that ran from 1926 to 1940 he was the NHL’s #1 hood. Opposing Bertuzzi.jpgplayers are rumored to have pooled money together to put a hit on him.

Show me a guy who's afraid to look bad, and I'll show you a guy you can beat every time. ~ Lou Brock

4. Speaking of suspensions... Todd Bertuzzi. Lost his head when he jumped Colorado’s Steve Moore from behind, effectively ending Moore’s career. And we can’t forget Marty McSorley (my favourite goon) – he missed 23 regular season games after this Boston Bruin knocked out Vancouver’s Brashear, with a hit, to the head, with his stick.

5. ANY NHL strike. It’s ALWAYS about the money the 1924-25 Hamilton Tigers started it. When management wouldn’t give their players a $200 bonus, this Stanley Cup favored team was suspended from the league because their players refused to play and management wouldn’t budge. Hamilton lost their NHL team in 1925 (they’ve been trying to get one back ever since) when it was sold to a New York Mobster who had made a fortune during prohibition. The team folded in 1942 – never winning the Cup.

Is it weird that I like my worst list better than the “best” list last week? It’s a Bad Boy thing I guess.

Deb would LIKE to go on strike, but doubts anyone would notice


i don't like any of the new rules

/get of my lawn


Hockey is the best game to play by far, either on the ice or on the street. When you put the puck in the net, that feeling is just awesome.

Pond hockey rules: No lifting the puck (we never had real nets, just a couple pairs of boots or rocks for a goal)

Street hockey rools: Just try not to hit me in the nuts with the ball. Thanks.



Argh, Ballard..... Argh.



New rules.



This is hockey, OK? It's not rocket surgery


I've said it before, but the only new "rule" I really REALLY hate is the fekking shoot-outs.

I had a lot of fun researching the column this week, there are a lot of cool stories that I didn't know about.


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