"She’s Totally a Self-Absorbed Asshole"
by Pril Stevenson
If you read last week’s column, you might be thinking, “Jesus, she’s totally a self-absorbed asshole”. Maybe you’re right.
I may be that, but I contradict myself often enough that I don’t know what to think about anything.
Let me show you what I mean. This is a paraphrased conversation held probably 4 or so years ago, between my drummer friend The Hoov and myself, over a 12-pack of something and a bottle of something else.
Hoov- All these guys just think it’s all about them. But you gotta sell the song, man. You gotta put the music first.
Me- Well, sure. The music has to be good. But you have to be enjoying yourself to get into it in the first place. Why else would you play?
Hoov- To make people happy. I play because I like to see the crowd dancing and happy and having a good time. These guys that are all into their guitar jacking off, that’s all they care about, being number one on the stage and a show-off. And god forbid if you’re a woman around here trying to be heard, these good ol’ boys just ignore you.
Me- Yeah, they do. Which is why I’ve been trying to get you and me and Tam together to lay waste to these mofos, and take ‘em all to school, but NOOOOOOO... I’m ready to go and y’all are standing around doing whatever you do besides play your instruments. Shut up and play, you know... Put the money where your mouth is and none of you, my chickie friends, are doing that.
Hoov- It’s all ego with the guys. It doesn’t matter. They always come back around and stomp on us. I just want to play and make people happy.
Me- Well, it IS all about ego.
Hoov- No way! It is not! You play so other people can have a good time!
Me- Ok so why is it so important that the audience have a good time? Why the hell are you up there trying to get these slugs to move, or even smile? I mean, who cares about them, it’s all about you or it’s all about me or whoever is there.
Me- Why? C’mon, answer me. You’re going to just refute everything you are trying to tell me when you do answer me, but i want to hear it from your mouth. Why is it so important to you that the audience has such a good time?
Hoov- But it’s not all about me!
Me- Bullshit. Why do you drag that drumset all over hell and gone, and let people pay you $25 for four hours of work for a group of people who just stare blankly at you and maybe move a bit once they’ve hit the shitfaced point?
Hoov- It’s cool when people get into the music though...
Me- Shut up! You’re dancing around the answer you don’t want to admit. Why bother making other people feel good?
Hoov – Because i dig it. It makes me feel good.
Me- AHA! See, it really IS all about you! So I call bullshit on all your complaining, and my complaining. We do it because we like it and it makes us feel good, and all the bullshit musical altruism is just so much cold puke on a paper plate. We like to make other people happy because it makes us happy, and that’s the end of that.
I probably drive my friends insane. But every time I hear of some band saying they do it for the fans, I mentally call bullshit, because they do it for themselves, to get the fans, who love them, and we all feed off each other that way.
Pril wants you to have fun so she can have fun so you can fun so she can have fun.......