TAFC#1: 50 Best Fictional Bands
by Michele Christopher
Remember back in the early days of FTTW when we did the Top 100 Punk Songs and then the Best Punk Albums? Well, we had a lot of fun with that and we decided to run something like that again, but on a permanent kind of basis.
Welcome to the newest new thing at Faster Than The World - The Almost Final Countdown.
TAFC is a new column that will appear almost every day. Basically, it's a continuing series of countdowns, lists, and things that have numbers on them and tell you what's the best and worst of something. Like that.
What will happen is this: On Monday, the new category will be announced. The editors (or two of the four editors) will have their picks up for the category, so we start you out with either the first 10 or 20 of the list.
This is where you come in. This is an interactive kind of thing. On Monday when we post the category and our picks, it's your job to head over to the comments and give us your nomination list for that category. You can name 1, 5, 459, whatever floats your boat. We'll pull nominations from the comments in order to continue the list for the rest of the week until we reach the determined number (sometimes 50, sometimes 100, could be some random number). Then on Sunday, we'll put up the final list and a POLL. From the voting on that poll we will determine the winner of that list category (AND THE NUMBER ONE SONG THAT REMINDS YOU OF YOUR FAILED HIGH SCHOOL RELATIONSHIP IS.....like that)...and we'll announce the winner of that category as well as introduce the new list on Monday. The winner gets a beautiful, hand photoshopped, engraved trophy that goes into the FTTW TAFC Hall of Fame.
Think of us a VH1 without the ubiquitous presence of Ian Michael Black.
Sounds like fun, right? Not too confusing or anything? Good, because we are ready to start with this week's list.
TOP 50 FICTIONAL BANDS
I bet you didn't know just how many there are.
For the first 10 from the list, we have two of our editors making their pics. The other two editor's picks will be up tomorrow. It's your job to use the comments to help us come up with the other (does quick math in head) 30 bands to round out the list. Then, like I said above, on Sunday we'll put up a poll of all 50 to determine the numero uno, king of the hill, top of the crop, etc., etc., etc.
And now, the first ten. 1-5 are from Turtle.
I miss the electric tuba.
2. The Queenhaters - This was just a gimmie. Booked on Mel's Rock Pile on SCTV, this punk band held no words when it came to their disgust of the Falklands War. Man, they were pissed. Taxes and inflation were causing dope prices to go sky high and they couldn't afford them anymore. So they were taking it to the streets and letting Canada know that they were pissed.
4. Alice Bowie (Up in Smoke) Chong and his Qualude shirt and Cheech in whateverthefuck standing on the stage. Too cool for school. I remember when I was a kid, if you knew the lyrics to Earache In My Eye, you were considered not only a stoner, but a super stoner. Only the upper echalon of stoners knew the words to this. And if you could play the riff on the guitar? Amplified? That meant you were a Dope God to be worshipped by the fools who only "kind of" knew the words to this song.
"Caught me in the bathroom with a pair of pantyhose."
Yeah. You guys all know it.
What was with the Mexican background band anyways?
5. Rod Torfulson's Armada Featuring Herman Menderchuk - This was a great band. It reminds me of a lot of garage bands. In fact, this is the garage band to beat all garage bands. Three kids in their parent's basement trying to figure out the music industry while still trying to figure out puberty. The Kids in the Hall brought us this trio of kids with dreams who were, come hell or high water, gonna make it. Cause you're just a tramp, tramp trampoline girl.
6-10 are from Michele
6. The Beets (Doug)
7. 2ge+her (from the MTV show)
8. Arseface (from the comic book Preacher)
9. The Silver Platters (Brady Bunch)
10. MC Pee Pants (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)
The new hit from MC Pee Pants is doing something weird to Meatwad and, well, there's stuff about subliminal messages and power drilling to hell and demons and a spider wearing Depends. Just another day on ATHF.
I picked this not just because a spider wearing Depends and singing about candy is cool, but because it's MC Chris.
So there's 1-10 of the best fictional bands ever. Now it's your turn. Nominate some bands and we'll take them and put them up on the list during the week.
Here's a slew of fake bands to get you started. thinking. Now get nominating and let's get this countdown party started.