As Funny As A Slap in the Face
by Turtle Jones
We got an email from Dave in Texas. You remember Dave. He's the guy with the Crap Christmas Tree. Dave wanted to know what I thought about the Three Stooges. Seems he has this idea that only guys like the Stooges. Something about bad chromosomes or something.
I have two daughters. They're teens now (ok, one is older than a teen and in college).
So he emailed and directed me to his post and the youtube videos and said: I dare you. Ask Turtle to look at these clips and say "oh that's not funny". I want the report.
I asked Turtle. The answer was what Dave expected. And a Stooges argument was born. Because my feelings on the Stooges (I have the sudden urge to listen to Seek and Destroy) is pretty typical. I hate them.
And thus, a Late Night Typing was born. Turtle defends, I defy and Dave just admits that guys are retarded.
Turtle has a theory:
The thing that most women don't get about the Three Stooges is the real meaning behind what they do. Why they beat on each other might seem like an easy explaination to some. They simply hate each other. But, if you take a deeper look and peel of the simple facade that is mindless beatings that is "The Stooges" you will see the real meaning behind the madness.
This is where I am confused. Most chicks dig guy on guy action. Look in any girls porn collection and they will have a video or two. Don't believe me? Think about it. Most chicks dig gay porn like most guys dig lesbian porn. Keep in mind that this is just one of my running theories. This theory also kinda gets in the way of a few other of my theories but over time, you will find that most of my theories run into that grey, crossing over area. I use them to suit my needs. In this case, I believe that the Three Stooges really beat on each other because they lived in a society that repressed their true feelings for each other. They only way they could show their feelings for each other in a society that would surely outcast them if they were allowed to become who they really were, was to beat on each other.
In fact, each time they punched each other or tweaked each other's heads, you can see a look in their eyes. A look of "I am really sorry I have to do this. If we were only born into a better society that respected each others rights, this fist in your gut would be a kiss on your lips."
It is there. Like seeing Bobby Brady stoned in that one Brady Bunch episode, it is there. That look. Bobby was stoned. You could tell. Same way I can tell the Stooges wanted to move to the Castro.
I think it is just too bad that instead of being left a legacy of black and white gay porn films we get three men beating each other up. -T
I go against the grain when it comes to the usual gender-specific likes and dislikes. I prefer video games and comic books to shopping and shoes. I like action movies, not Lifetime flicks. I dig muscle cars and action figures and I have a well documented case of penis envy.
But stick me in front of a tv playing the Three Stooges and I'll either stare blankly or get up and walk away after two minutes.
Maybe I don't like slapstick humor. I like my jokes subtle. Low key. I like humor that makes me think. Slapping someone upside the head forty times in half an hour only makes me think "Who the fuck is lauging at this and when did he get that lobotomy?"
Maybe once or twice I actually watched the show for longer than five minutes, but that was just to study the group dynamics rather than laugh.
You know what I figured out? You're gonna love this.
Moe, Larry and Curly each represent ourselves. The id, the ego and the super-ego. Yes, the Three Stooges are Freudian humor. Which really gives credence to Turtle's sexual metaphors.
Not really. Nothing ever gives credence to Turtle's metaphors. Maybe if you had some cheap vodka and a few hits of acid, you could make sense of his thinking, but us straight laced folk just follow along and nod at the appropriate times and wonder if maybe he isn't some kind of supergenius whose thinking is just light years above ours, making it difficult for us to understand.
Where was I? Oh yea. Stooges. Representing ourselves. The part of us that likes to get beat up and the part of us that likes to beat upon others. The part that likes to bark orders and the part that likes to be bossed around. There's a whole submissive/dominant thing going on here. What you can really learn from watching the Stooges is that each of us, in some way, is a sado-masochist who likes to be dominated by our own self.
No, I have not been drinking.
I'm just trying to find something nice to say about the worst comedy team this side of Seigfried and Roy.
What? They aren't comedy?
Shows you what I know about what's funny.
[this explains nothing about why girls don't like stooges and guys do, but i think the whole chromosome thing is pretty self explanatory] -M