Do Not Take Lightly
by Ernie Williams
Ok football fans, here it is. Divisional Playoff time. 8 teams, four games. The best teams in the NFL are facing each other this weekend. That means you need to be prepared. First of all, if you have any plans, it is time to cancel them. Remind whoever might be inconvenienced or insulted that it is THE DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS DUMBASS and ask them what the hell were they thinking scheduling a whatever it is they have scheduled on the same weekend as THE DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS? Seriously. Jeez.
The Divisional Playoffs are not to be taken lightly. Therefore, I fully intend on making an extremely potent batch of chili this weekend to celebrate the glory that is Divisional Playoff Football. Double the jalapenos. Double the chipotle baby and double the mutherfucking cheese and dive in. Since I ate hot-dogs last weekend during The Patriots / Jets game and The Patriots won (in fergi-licious fashion), being the superstitious sort, I will fully be making some hot-dogs to go with that chili this weekend, because chili+hot-dogs+divisional playoffs=totally awesome.
Saturday, Jan. 13
Indianapolis at Baltimore - 4:30 pm, CBS
Epic: Definition: Surpassing the usual or ordinary, particularly in scope or size.
There you have it my friends. The definition of this game. Epic. Indianapolis Colts vs. Baltimore Ravens. In case the hugeness of this match-up is lost on anyone out there, or if you did not realize or remember that The Colts once had a proud history in the city of Baltimore, before their owner had them secretly moved out of the city in the middle of the night back in 1984, an event that has not been forgotten in Baltimore, I’ll let my friend and fellow FTTW writer Kali break it down for you.
one of the most vivid memories of my childhood are at colts games, then of my mother telling some poor kid wearing an indianapolis colts t-shirt well before the deal was made that "them's fightin' words." (ahaha and if you knew my mom it would double you over in laughter.) i remember vividly the way those cowards stole away in the night. i can see stock footage of the mayflower moving trucks that they used. and then they kept the fucking name... OUR NAME. the colts belong in baltimore. and on saturday we'll play for johnny unitas and the colts' name. welcome home, give us your jerseys and you can leave wearing your tighty whiteys once we've taken back your dignity. fuckers.\
Awesome. Do you think Ravens fans want to win this game? Ah, yeah!
I’d say so.
I almost feel bad for Indy for the hate that’s gonna rain down on them on Saturday. Almost. Then there’s The Ravens Defense for them to contend with…
Philadelphia at New Orleans - 8:00 pm, FOX
This is going to be a great game. We all know about New Orleans coming back from the Katrina disaster and The Saints returning to the city after a year of exile in Houston, Texas. QB Drew Brees and rookie running back Reggie Bush have gotten this team into the divisional round and Saints fans are truly psyched. It’s a great story all around.
On the other side of the ball, you have Philadelphia Eagles, who picked themselves up and brushed themselves off after Donovan McNabb went down earlier in the year and have gotten themselves one game away from a Conference Championship match. Who do you root for here?
Sunday, Jan. 14
Seattle at Chicago - 1:00 pm, FOX
Ok. Let’s be honest. Seattle should not even be in this game. Yes I was rooting against the Cowboys last week, so I’m not complaining, but if it were not for a botched hold during a field goal attempt, this is Dallas playing Chicago this week. But, that is the way it works in the NFL. That ball is shaped funny and it bounces in all kinds of crazy ways.
Chicago did not close out the season on a high note and played what was arguably their worst game of the year in their final regular season game vs. Green Bay. They’ve had a whole week to prepare and to get things right heading into this game. I expect this will be a close game. Seattle may not be that great, but I am sure they will take full advantage of the opportunity that was provided to them. Thanks Tony Romo!
New England at San Diego - 4:30 pm, CBS
The New England Patriots vs. The San Diego Chargers. Where do I begin? Last week The Jets had me on the edge of my seat through 4 quarters of football. The Pats came away with the win and now they will face the #1 team in the NFL.
San Diego is stacked top to bottom on offense and defense. They’ve got the MVP of the league, LaDanian Tomlinson at running back, they’ve got a pro-bowl bound QB in Philip Rivers and a terror at defensive end / outside linebacker in Shawne Merriman. They’ve also got a coach, Marty Schottenheimer, with a whole closet full of post-season skeletons. The mark against Marty is that he has never been able to win the big game, even with teams in the past that arguably were just as stacked as San Diego is today.
For the Patriots on the other hand, the question they are hearing is: how do you stop the Chargers? The Pats are used to hearing that question. How do you stop The Rams? How do you stop The Steelers? How do you stop The Colts? The Pats have answered those questions and now they will step up and try to provide an answer to the latest question this Sunday. I have a feeling that Patriots coach Bill Belichick has some ideas on how to slow down LaDanian Tomlinson and how to confuse Philip Rivers. I have a feeling that Patriots QB Tom Brady might be prepared to handle the San Diego blitzing defense. Yes, the Pats are the underdog in this game but this is the playoffs, where the Pats have a 11-1 record with Tom Brady and Bill Belichick, along with a 7-1 record on the road this season. Think they will be ready for this game?
All right gang. Have a great weekend and enjoy the games! And lets hear your thoughts about the games in the comments!
Ernie sweats and sweats.