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Getting The Digits
by Kali Pornia
i had dinner with an old high school friend last night. i don't really do high school friends because, well... because i fucking hated high school. i mean i didn't mind school itself, but by the time high school rolled around i was a social leper. i fucking hated the social aspect of it all and just kept getting burnt and steamrolled and talked about and caught in lies and drunk and fucking your boyfriend. ya, that pretty much sums it up for me.
i mean, when those kids shot all those people at columbine? yes, tragedy. yes, horrible. innocent people die and you're not supposed to make jokes about it. and let me tell you that this is not a joke. when parents and other adults were running around crying screaming, wondering why this all happened, i knew. i didn't have to wonder why it was all happening. i fucking HATED those people dude. and some days i could have been those kids. i shit you not. i was bipolar and irrational and i fucking hated those kids for making my life hell. shit i wasn't even the worst of the outcasts and i fantasized about killing some people. thank god i was spineless and without a co-conspirator...
so i have been shamelessly myspacing this past month and i come across a girl i used to hang with. she was the other outcast slut. we both came from public school to this private hell and we knew how to fight and fuck. so we got along until, well, until we didn't. who the fuck knows what happened. if i had to guess i would say that i so desperately wanted to be popular that at some point i ditched her because she was "keeping me down." ya that probably rings pretty true. this girl wasn't (isn't) perfect mind you, but she was a very loyal friend to be sure. and i was not.
but all high school shit aside, thank god, we came out of it pretty unscathed. she's just like me... an extremely smart girl not living up to her potential. we're both hiding in secretarial jobs. neither of us have been married, no kids, one long term relationship that ended. she still drinks, i don't. that's really the main difference. that and the fact that she has more self esteem than i ever did. i doubt she tried to kill herself with drugs. dunno.
so we get into this conversation. man we fucked some dudes. i mean we really did. i remember making a list in my freshman year of college. that list was 80 some long as i recall. and fuck. freshman year of college is when the fucking really took off!
i told her that at some point in any bartending job the topic of numbers comes up. there's always that player guy that wants to throw around the number of chicks he's fucked. that fucking guy is prolly the same dud i shoulda shot in high school. anyway, he doesn't want to get into a pissing match with me or the friend i had sushi with last night. shit. i got laid whenever i wanted to. it's like that for girls. guys strike out sometimes... even the player bartender. me? not so much. i can't speak to the quality, mind you, but i rarely went home alone.
but you've heard about the thing where you take the number a guy gives you and divide it by three to get the real number of women that he's slept with, right? the same thinking says that you take the number a girl gives you and multiply it by three. let's not do that with my number, ok? because i'm no magic johnson. i mean, i had to work.
so... what are your numbers? you can comment anonymously if you want. only a few people will have your ip address. heh.
kali doesn't know your IP address but I do.