I Want My MTV (Yeah, RIGHT)
by Rockstar Mommy
I mentioned recently that I've had an indecent amount of MTV exposure as of late because of my teenage step-kids' obsession with it. Even though there is not one moment while that channel is on my television that I do not mumble under my breath how I would rather adopt a kid with Woody Allen than be forced to watch another minute of such mind-numbing horse shit, sometimes it truly is just impossible to look away. Talk about a train wreck. Let's see, we've got:
 I Want A Famous Face
The show that showcases the most pathetic of all homosapiens who are so insecure and vain, that they decide to have plastic surgery to look like the celebrity they find the most beautiful. I've watched this show only once and I didn't make it to the end, even though I really wanted to see the end result, because I was too busy looking at the inside of my toilet bowl while dry heaving.
The Real World, Season 8,935,076,352
Admittedly, I watched the first Real World season. But, in my defense, reality show was non the lifeform it currently is. There were game shows, Candid Camera, and Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. Oh, and I was 11. So, there's that. It was still annoying, but slightly fascinating. But now I don't understand why people keep watching. It is virtually the same thing over and over again. And after the first three dozen seasons, it became comparable to HBO's Real Sex series. And at least with Real Sex, they don't blur out the boobs in the fake-lipstick-lesbian hot tub scenes.
Room Raiders
Where a "hot" and extremely "cool" male/female picks from 3 potential "hot" and "cool" dates by raiding their bedrooms while no one is home, including searching through the dirty clothes hamper... with a black light. Substitute the words "hot" with "a little less than overwhelmingly grotesque" and "cool" with "more irritating than Fran Drescher's voice on whip-its" and you've got it.
My Super Fucking Sweet Sixteen
Daddy's rich. Noted. Now can I punch you in that spoiled, bratty, rotten little face of yours? If for no other reason than to steal all those Dior gift/goodie bags you're handing out to your guests.
TRL
A bunch of teenyboppers gathered around Time Square to talk about good music. I'm not even sure why I get annoyed with this one at all. It'd be like NASA asking Lindsay Lohan to help them get their broken down rocket ship home from Mars. Don't be surprised when she IM's Bruce Willis to ask for Ben Affleck's number to figure out how they launched off of that meteor last minute like that.
And finally,
The Pussycat Dolls
While not exclusively an MTV thing, they're ALWAYS on there, so they get included in the package. Okay, we get it, you're hot as hell. But couldn't you better suit the world with a traveling burlesque show? Or a Hustler centerfold? Or a Paris Hilton style sex tape? Or tossing each other into a ring of Jello with Mini-Me as the referee? Whatever is your thing, please do it and stick to it. But, it's quite obvious this "singing" thing is not it. So for the sake of humanity, please STOP with the singing. My boyfriend probably does wish I was sexy like you, you're right on the money. We're in full agreement. Please, let's move on now. You're making my kids tone deaf.
I'm deeply ashamed even admitting I've made it through any of the above. But MTV, in my opinion, is just like popping a massive zit on someone else's back. You know you really shouldn't be doing it and you're completely disgusted, but sometimes you have to find out just how gross it can get.
Rockstar Mommy and the editors of FTTW agree: The Pussycat Dolls have zero redeeming qualities. At all. Ever.
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Comments
I love MTV. The most mindless crap ever. AND watching the morons on there makes me feel good about myself. When I see what idiots the kids on Super Sweet Sixteen are, it makes my drinking and drug problems seem like they aren't problems at all. When I watch the homophobic Bible beater on the new season of the Real World, I start feeling better about my petting zoo sodomy fetish.
Make fun of it if you want, but MTV is my Xanax. Aside from my regular Xanax. And Prozac.
Posted by: Uber | January 25, 2007 9:25 AM
Yeah, I have to admit, MTV is disgusting and is nothing like it used to be when there was like, music and stuff. But those shows are addictive. That Room Raiders one is just retarded, but I have sat there on a Sunday afternoon and done nothing but eat Doritos and watch My Super Sweet Sixteen, I admit it. Those people are so shallow, it almost seems fake!!! I love the one where the girl whose dad strikes it rich moves to California and invites her old friends from Arizona to her birthday party. Her gay guy friend and best girlfriend come to the party and her new friends in LA make fun of her old friends. They can't believe that the heathens actually shop at Target! The horra'! The fact that people like this exist? It is just too much to resist.
Now TRL? That is just flat out garbage. I have never, honestly, even sat through an entire episode.
Posted by: Snickrsnack Katie | January 25, 2007 3:01 PM
I just looked up that first show --- and BARF!
I remember MTV had a show like that, awhile ago. That was the first time I saw a guy get calf implants.
Posted by: steen | January 25, 2007 3:04 PM
I had no idea anyone hated the Pussycat Dolls almost as vehemently as I do. Actually I hate the person or persons who decided to put them together as a group a lot more. I'm convinced they raided all the strip-joints in Los Angeles and if any of the strippers were singing along as they pulled dollar bills out of their cracks, they got to be a Pussycat Doll.
Posted by: Victoria | January 25, 2007 3:26 PM
I'm with Victoria. That must have been how they were "discovered". I really, really hate them.
Posted by: Kait | January 25, 2007 3:49 PM
I plan to show my age by telling kids "You know, when I was a kid, MTV actually played music videos. For more than an hour, in the morning."
Do they even pretend the M means "music" anymore?
(I notice their website actually features music and videos prominently. Maybe they're actually ahead of the game and realise people don't want to watch TV waiting for something they want to come on, video-wise?)
Posted by: Sigivald | January 25, 2007 4:16 PM
Wow - this is a "Get off my lawn" post! And you are SO young.....to think MTV started before you were born.....now, get off my lawn!! : )
Posted by: HeidiChick | January 25, 2007 6:44 PM
I have watched my super sweet sixteen a couple of times because I have found myself in too good of a mood.
Posted by: Germ | January 25, 2007 9:49 PM
Okay, don't hurt me, because I really am a fan of RSM, but I swear I saw atleast one pussy cat doll ad at rsm.com...
Posted by: Janae | January 26, 2007 1:05 AM
Did you go on 'I Want A Famous Face' and pick Shanna Moakler?
I'm KIDDING! Don't kill me!
If you do, my dying wish is to see your sock collection before I die.
Next time you see the Pussy Cat Dolls (or PCD if you're Gansta), DO. NOT. CHANGE, THE. CHANNEL!
Watch the clip. I know, suicide will seem more than tempting but wait for the red head! They only ever show her up close for, like, 2.56 seconds. Once you have seen her, get back to me on your opinions as to whether she used to be a male.
Posted by: Annie | January 26, 2007 9:30 AM
EmptyV, it's pretty much unrecognizable now from how it started.
Remember when this came out?
Sledgehammer
OK, so maybe you were barely born or whatever, but this is what MTV was, and NOW? W T F!?
Posted by: davido | January 26, 2007 9:53 AM
"...just like popping a massive zit on someone else's back." Beautiful imagry! Regarding MTV, I haven't watched it in about 8 years. I didn't even really care for it when it was good.
Now, the Pussycat Dolls, on the other hand, I could watch them for hours. With the TV on mute, but, yeah, for hours.
Posted by: Adam | January 26, 2007 10:26 AM
They really should be forced to change the name. It's not even close to being "Music" Television anymore.
It's sad, really, for folks who are old enough to remember the good MTV days.
Posted by: RWA | January 28, 2007 2:49 PM