so things have been in an upheaval state over here in kali-land. not to be confused with the state on the west coast. this is east coast elitist representing.

ya things are good, perhaps that's why the upheaval. i mean i'm not so used to things going my way. i've done some crappy stuff made some bad decisions. don't get me wrong i've always been blessed. i just never really saw it that way. never really took advantage of the good rolls, ya know.

the only thing bigger than my fear of failure is my fear of success. i know that some of you can relate.

so here i am. i had the best new year's eve that i can remember in a long time. and the other new year's eves that were better? well, i can't remember much of them anyway. i do have a vague memory of riding a bicycle in key west on NYE all hopped up on cocaine and lsd. the bike kept turning into a tricycle and it was really freaking me the fuck out. see? that's my old definition of a good time. RAWR! still and all, i love those memories. it was the explaining to the current boyfriend why my lsd hit was so much stronger than his which was the bitch. i mean he's kinda tripping but my bike is TURNING INTO A TRICYCLE!!! ya. so when i had to tell him that i had just snorted like twenty seven lines of raw cocaine that i was stealing from our drug dealing roommate... that was when new year's ever turned ugly.

so that's it. my "good times" always turned bad at some point. so when things are going well, i have this self destruct mode that creeps in. like fuck it, if i'm going to lose it, i might as well blow it up myself. at least then i'll have a cool explosion... am i making any sense anymore?

let's get back to this year. i knew it was going to be good when i heard CLUTCH was playing on NYE. i mean, they're from maryland, i came up going to their firehall shows. fun fun fun. clutch shows are always a good time for me. i fucking lose myself in the show. kinda like drugs only no i'm-stealing-cocaine-from-our-roommate aftermath. good times.

so then i start dating this guy. this guy who i've been friends with for a while. the first guy i've dated who has similar taste in music in quite a while. the first guy in 8 years who would actually enjoy himself at a CLUTCH show. (ya i know i don't have the greatest track record with men. i choose poorly. shit, why should my love life be any different than the rest of my life.) but this year has been the year of changes in my life. the year of better decisions. a new start and i couldn't be fucking happier.

so on midnight december 31, 2006 i was in the pit with the man i love. i had broken my glasses, (a nice young man held off the pit and lit the ground with a lighter while i crawled around on all fours to find them after they flew off my head,) i had a black eye getting larger and blacker by the moment from a head butt, i was sweaty, my knee was bleeding from a bout with the floor and when neil fallon growled "happy new year" i turned and stuck my tongue down my date's throat....

... and i knew right then. this is going to be a very very good year.

(around 1am me and my man left the pit aching and sweaty and bruised, reminding each other how old we are and patting ourselves on the back for a show well done. we left the pit to the kids for the rest of the night)

kali is getting too old for the pit. Jeez, so are we.

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