"Tiny Bubbles?" Again?!
by Turtle Jones

So it might be no secret to some of the people around here that FTTW is changing fast. A lot of things are happening behind the scenes so our time has been a little cut back for this weeks Group LNT. Cause let's face it, we all have been running on real short schedules so we need something fast, dirty and fun for everyone to do.

"Fast, dirty and fun".

That sounds like a bad Burt Reynolds movie.

Anyways, our topic is pretty simple and we really want to hear everyone's response.

The topic?

What is your "karaoke song"?

You know, that one song you would sing if you were to get up in a crowded bar and belt one out?

That one. We wanna know about it.

And you are dying to know about ours.


Ernie goes first.

If I was going to do karaoke I'd have to go with a kick-ass rendition of 'Steel Bars' from Michael Bolton. Hey if I'm up on stage doing karaoke, it's extremely likely that I'm already embarrassed and possibly drunk anyway so why not go for the gusto at that point.

Nobody rocks the house like Mr. Bolton.

Rockstar Mommy

I can NEVER get enough Total Eclipse Of The Heart - Bonnie Tyler.

Stop laughing.


I used to do a lot of karaoke -- before I had kids. There were a few songs I did often. Beatles and Elvis tunes were mainstays. But MY song, the one I sang to take down the house, is CCR's Travelin' Band. I sing it pretty true to the original, but maybe with a bit
more growl.

BTW, the Japanese will buy you beers for the rest of the night if you can rock an Elvis tune decently.

"Jay-er Haas Lrock!"

Baby Huey

When I was in college, I worked as a cook in a bar. Every Wednesday, we'd have heavy metal karaoke, complete with full band. People would get up and sing with the band, and it was usually terrible. But PBR was a buck, so who cares, right? Well, they made the employees get up and sing too, to prime the audience. I was in some singing groups in college, and usually drunk by the time this went down, so yeah! Awesome. I would get up every week and sing a few songs. I had favorites: "Give it Away Now", "Sweet Child O' Mine", "Back in Black", "You Shook Me All Night Long", "War Pigs" (oh man, the drummer hated that song). However, my favorite was, and still is "Run to the Hills" ... I knew I sucked at it, trying to nail those high notes, but please refer to my previous "I was drunk" statement.


uhm i'd do me and bobby mcgee. (the kris kristoferson version) there was a time that i'd do acapella karaoke to that one. -- read: give the drunk girl a pint of soco and she thinks she's janis.karoke111.jpg

seriously though i never had the balls to do karaoke drunk much less sober. i always go and watch everyone else do it and then go home kicking myself for not playing along.

if there's karaoke at the wedding will you guys make me do it please? heh.


Alcohol by Barenaked Ladies or anything by Cake

I'm a huge fan of singing along with the Barenaked Ladies for a couple of reasons: their lyrics and wordplay are fantastic, and their lead singer has mostly the same vocal range as I do, so I can sound like the band does, instead of a two-octave-lower version .

Both reasons ring true for Cake as well: I could bring down the place with Opera Singer or Comfort Eagle . It's actually ironic that I've never been to a karaoke place, because while riding a motorcycle you can friggin scream your ass off and the whole world can't hear you; I get lots of practice that way.


The only time I ever did karaoke, I did Young MC's Bust A Move. The amount of beer I drank is irrelevant.

I drank nine.


The way I figure it, if I'm gonna get up there and embarrass the hell out of myself (I can NOT sing, drunk or sober), I may as well go full tilt. It's not like they're going to applaud me - it will be more like one of those early contestants on American Idol where you sort of squirm uncomfortably as they hit every bad note and key.

Which is why I'd sing King Diamond's "One Down, Two to Go." The sheer joy of watching the horrified look on people's faces as I sang "You used to be so beautiful, but now you're gonna diiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" in a wretched falsetto that would make Bruce Dickinson sound like the dude from Cannibal Corpse in comparison would be so worth the ensuing humiliation.

Just have a few shots of tequila on hand for me.


I'll have to second the "Me & Bobby Magee", except the Janis Joplin version. I totally rock this song, drunk or sober. I prefer drunk.


Oh geez. I so can't sing. But if I HAD to do the karaoke thing because it was a matter of life and death (like mine)....and I had consumed a lot of alcohol....and someone was holding a gun to my mother's head.... I would totally do Elton John's Daniel. Sometimes I sing along to it when no one is home. Sometimes I actually sound good to myself! Sometimes I drink a few too many glasses of wine.... but hey... Daniel, my brother. You are [pause] older than me... Where's that CD....


I do both parts of "Summer Lovin" from Grease. The worst part is I don't even have to be very drunk to do it. Of course, it's better when there's a chick who knows the words and everybody's yelling "Tell me more! Tell me more!" at the tops of their lungs.


In college, I always sang Human League's Don't You Want Me Baby? at classicists' drinking nights. Oh, yeah, my college antics usually involved a dozen Latin, Greek and ancient history students in our local dive bar. I'm so freaking cool.

The Finn

There has only been the one karaoke experience. And I can only really sum it up this way. Bar. Friends. Tequila. Beer. More beer, followed closely by tequila and then a few more beers to determine why the tequila wasn't doing it's job. I don't remember much after that, just that my friend Will made a very convincing argument and the next thing I knew he and I are wailing our way through "Roxanne" by The Police and laughing like a couple of retards. We were the only act that night that got booed off the stage.


I think the best experience I have ever had was shitfaced drunk on cheap beer and cheaper methamphetamine. Have no idea why I got up there or why i started taking my clothes off but NIN "closer" came on ., Some girl was singing the verses and all I knew was the "I want to fuck you like an animal" part.

Well, after the first time I screamed it out to the PA, my clothes were halfway off and I was covered in beer or something. Fuck if I know. The second time the "fuck you" part rolls around, we are talking nude Turtle here. I start to scream and they kill the power. Toss me out.

Damn, that was fun.

Now there are a bunch of my friends who do it sober. Sing that is. I just can't imagine that. Being sober in a bar is weird enough and now you are going to add in "sing like a fool"?

Meh. Not for me.


My karaoke song is and always will be "Humpty Dance" by Digital Underground. I learned all the words to this song explicitly so I could sing it at the honky-tonk karaoke place we lived close to a couple of years ago. This was the kind of place where everyone sang Toby Keith or "Elvira" or some other country shit. So I'd get up there and start the Humpty Dance, and all these cowboy hicks would turn and glare at me. Sometimes, it would make me scared for my life, and I guess that was a big part of it--the adrenaline. Fight or flight? Fuck flight, I'm stayin', and these assholes are going to hear about my affinity for girls with the boom, as well as the time I got it on in a Burger King bathroom.


I've had 1 experience singing at Karaoke. I was 17 y/o and working in a Claire's Boutique* at the local mall. (Tiffany's for little girl's and costume jewelry.) My boss, Amy, was freshly 23 y/o and her normal routine after work would be to get stoned in the mall parking lot and then go sing Karaoke at the Holiday Inn Lounge across the highway.
One night I'd asked for a ride home from her and she asked me if I wanted to join her for a song or two. It was a weekend, so I called my mom and told her I was going to hang out with my boss and I'd be home later. We got stoned and drove across the highway to the Lounge.

karaoke-night.gifAt this point I'd never drank in a bar before and I figured if I asked for a drink, they'd card me. Amy bought drinks for us. I had my first bitch beer in a bar and they thought I was over 21. So I rapidly got trashed with Amy and listened to her sing Black Velvet and some song by INXS. Se was good and everyone liked her.

Then some random female stranger walked up to me and started talking to me like I was her long-lost best friend. I soon realized she was trashed more than I was. She kept begging me to go up on stage and sing a song with her. She really wanted to sing, but was scared to do it alone. I finally gave in and said I'd join her. She asked if I knew any Janice Joplin. Well, DUH! Of course I did! So she picked out the song and we stood up on that stage with all those strangers watching us and my boss cheering me on. The song came on and the little screen was showing lyrics I didn't know. It was "Bobby McGee" and I didn't know the lyrics. I sang along as best I could and bring a first soprano in HS choir wasn't making me feel any better as I has destroying Bobby McGee through a drunken voice.

After the song ended I ran offstage back to my boss and didn't realize that the audience was clapping. I cried to Amy that I was horrible and they probably wanted to flog me. She turned me around, showed me the audience and said to me "These people are too drunk to realize that you sucked. To them you were Janice on a bender." I smiled and realized that the audience had already forgotten me and was watching the next drunken performer on stage butcher Elvis.

Since then, I prefer to be drunk in a seat and watch.


Pat Benetar's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot"
Why? Because Benetar is who I listen to every time I'm pissed at the man in my life, so I know the words REAL well, and because, well, I've already done this - sang it at a karaoke night - very drunk, very annoyed that this dweeb had gotten up and MURDERED Benetar, so of course I had to prove I could do it better, right? The things we do on our birthdays....

So that's it.

Yeah. We admitted our songs. Some were ugly and some might be alright but in all reality I am scared of hearing any one on hear sing. Hey, I could be wrong but that is just the feeling I am getting.

Anyways, we told you ours.

What are yours?



Hey, once upon a time I had a good voice - but 30+ years of smoking have kinda fractured my range. BTW, when's the wedding?


You guys aren't real big on the old standards, huh? I usually stick to Sinatra. "Strangers in the Night" or "That's Life" are songs I can do without totally embarrassing myself


I used to hang out in this local dive that had a lot of Sinatra on the jukebox. We'd always close the place with about ten of singing a very drunken - but heartfelt - version of Summer Wind.


...arriving late. Sorry, had to work...

Anything off of Jimmy Buffett's Greatest Hit(s) Song(s) You Know By Heart...execpt Boat Drinks, I really never liked that song.

My favorite? A Pirate Looks at Fourty.


I've done Total Eclipse of the Heart. Funnier when you know I'm about as basso profundo as it gets.

Cake, BNL - my standards. Also Weird Al if they've got it. I'm always a little surprised at how many people know those by heart.

But I absolutely nail to the wall anything Tony Bennett. Made women cry with "The Way You Look Tonight".


karaoke is pure evil


I can't sing. The nuns in my grade school always gave me the triangle or shoved me in the back of the choir.
So..... I only sing for comedic effect.

I'm a guy with a fairly deep voice, so there's only one song I can sing. Alanis Morrisette's "You Outta Know" and I won't change one, single lyric.

I heard that song sung by a guy with a heavy Brooklyn accent once on the radio and it was pretty darn funny. Either he's singing to his homersexshul lover leaving him for a girl, or he's singing to his girlfriend who's leaving him for a girl.


I am very surprised that nobody said, "Born to be Wild". I thought that was second only to Sinatra in karoake bars.


There is one and only one song I will sing karaoke. And it is so obscure, if I ever find a karaoke place that offers it, I will be honor bound to perform.

"I Turned You On", by the Isley Brothers.

I can't sing worth shit, but I am convinced I can do a stellar version of that one song. Pitch perfect. I'd be like Jack Black in High Fidelity, I would very unexpectedly blow people away.

I cannot say enough good things about "I Turned You On", and I'll even put in the iTunes link. SOCK IT TO ME!


I decided that I really want to sing Strawberry Letter 23 by the Brothers Johnson.


Strawberry Letter 23? Wow, haven't heard that in forever.


Nothing brought down the house like doing "Simultaneous Loving" and "Chocolate Salty Balls".


I've got a weakness for Tom Jones when it comes to the karaoke. I'm partial to Sex Bomb and It's Not Unusual.


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