So FTTW is using this week’s TAFC to figure out the best horror movies, as determined by you fine people/dirty bastards. So……. something tells me that I should write this weeks’ horror article about music and cars. That makes sense, doesn’t it? This might even be fun. I’ll do my best to avoid G.G.

Dee Snider’s Strangeland

Anyone seen this? It’s one of those movies that could have been great, but lost something along the way….. but is still great. I don’t know how many will agree with me on that, so I’ll add that it sucks. Good intentions that got screwed. One thing I know, if they had edited just three more minutes out of this movie, it wouldn’t make any sense at all. Character development is really fucking minimal. The plot is tight enough for a horror movie, but we all know how loose those standards are. The story is about a psycho who hangs out in online chat rooms (be careful out there) and lures teenage girls to his house. Where he tortures and kills them. A cop’s daughter gets taken by Captain Howdy (yeah, that’s what he calls himself, like Satan in The Exorcist), so the cop saves his daughter and gets the psycho thrown in the mental for four years.

That’s the first part.

They put the guy through some Clockwork Orange routine and he comes out of the mental wearing cardigans and shit. His story is hyped in the media and a mob goes after the guy and hangs him. And he doesn’t die, but turns all evil and shit, again. At least as bad as before.

So he goes on a rampage… kills Robert Englund’s character and his wife in a rather amusing scene. Eventually he gets caught, there’s a climactic scene, he dies, roll credits. Pretty predictable overall, some fair acting mixed with a lot of shitty acting. You can tell that Dee Snider of all people knows better than to take himself too seriously – yeah, he plays Captain Howdy.

I heard they’re planning a sequel – I can’t wait. Hey, look at House Of 1000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects.

House Of 1000 Corpses

Well. What did you think of this one? I liked it a lot. I loved this shit. This movie was fucked.

It was written and directed by Rob Zombie, and if you’ve ever seen any of his videos then you’ll recognize it in a second. It’s like an R rated 90 minute video. Good times…. Put this one on late at night when you’re still wide awake. Maybe a little high.

A group of kids are on a road trip, documenting weird roadside shit for some college course or something – it doesn’t matter. They hit a gas station/curiosity shop/theme park type place, run by a fucked up clown named Captain Spaulding (yeah, another captain. Weird). The captain has a fucked up family, kind of reminiscent of the Texas Chainsaw family, that the kids eventually have to deal with. There’s a definite TCM influence in this movie. Hell yeah.

Fuck, some people hated this movie because there was so little in it that was original. But that’s what was so cool about it. It wasn’t a ripoff, it was respect. Almost everything in this movie was a tribute to a previous great horror movie.

Halloween

There’s not much to say here, but one of my favourite scenes is where Dr. Loomis and the nurse are heading back to the mental to check on Michael Myers, and all the crazies are wandering around the grounds. Mikey jumps on the roof and steals the car from the nurse while the doctor is fucking around with the gate or the intercom or something. That scene had a car, so there it is.

Christine

I’ve never seen this movie. I have never seen Christine. Seen most of Stephen King’s movies, read most of his books, have neither read nor seen Christine. John Carpenter directed it, I haven’t seen it. Not sure how I even managed to avoid it after all this time.

Feast

I talked about this a few weeks ago. This movie is a great time. It’s got Henry Rollins in it and he wears pink pants. Henry has worked in music from time to time.

Buttcrack

This is a Troma movie. If you’ve seen an average Troma movie then you have a pretty good idea what you’re in for. This one has Mojo Nixon in it. Jumping for Jesus.

The Car

This movie is about an evil car that does evil things. That’s about it. You know it, that one from the 70s. Considered by many to be a cult classic…. Meh, I don’t know. Good enough to get through a Sunday afternoon I suppose.

Dan sometimes gets Captain Howdy confused with Boy Howdy

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