We Can't Be That Old!
by Turtle Jones

I don't know which one of us came up with this topic, but either way, my brain is really itching to go into the "off" position tonight. Me, I'm just itching to get on the couch and watch the Ohio State game until I doze off. But we've got to write and we had to come up with a topic and one of us said something about things that happened the year we were born. So be it.

Turtle can't be that old.

So what happened in the year I was born? a-team1123.jpg


Watergate was happening. Black September was ruining Israels chance of winning any gold medals. U2 was getting an inspiration for one of their first hits and a bunch of rugby players were eating each other in the Andes mountains.

So not much.

Or so you think. Remember that Vietnam was still going on. War crimes and atrocities were happening. Did we win or lose. To some iyt didn't matter anymore. To some the only word on their lips were justice. And they weren't getting any. So they prompty escaped the military jail they were in. Being accused of a crime they did not commit, they escaped to LA using their wits, some wire and a few car batteries. Assuming the identity of an has been actor, a male prostitute, a gold wearing mohawked pimp and a crazy man who just needed to be left alone.

They are out there. Always being chased by the military police for the crime of being proud Americans who help out the sick and poor while vowing to only shoot out the tires of the enemies cars. Driving in the Van of Justice, they will help you. If you can find them.

One day the great injustice will be righted. One day their crimes were be pardoned and the horrible year will be forgotten like G. Gordon Liddy's radio show.

B until then....

We always have reruns of their exploits to remind us of their great sacrafice.

And Little House on the Prairie started! - T

Michele is that old:


It was kind of boring year, if you're looking for earth shattering news. Or at least something exciting like rugby players eating each other. Maybe what I mean is shocking. not exciting. In a Weekly World News sort of way.

Cuban Missile Crisis
Long story short - the Russians sent missiles to Cuba to protect them from the US. It's like if you were worried about some bully picking on you in school so you pre-emptively hired some thug to walk you to your locker every day.

Being two months old at the time, I really had no stake in this thing at the time. But years later, this would all play part in my fear of the Russians and my anxiety that the cold war was going to break loose at any second and those damn Commies would bomb us out of our underpants. The air raid drills in school didn't help my fears any. However, the whole missile crisis/cold war thing came in handy in the 1980 Olympics when the hatred of Russia was turned into a patriotic war cry to rally together to cheer on our hockey team.

Marilyn Monroe died

Again, being 20 days away from being born when this happened, it didn't really affect me that much at the time. But some time later, Marilyn's death would fuel some late night, drug-induced conspiracy theory talk where I became convinced that she was killed by Fidel Castro in an attempt to silence her so she wouldn't speak out about Fidel's long term affair with JFK. Really. She had pictures. Sometimes a cigar is not just a cigar, kids.

Amazing Fantasy #15
Released a week before my day of birth, Amazing Fantasy #15 featured the debut of Spider Man.

Spider Man would later become one of my gateway drugs to the world of obsessive comic book collecting.


Other than those things, there were a lot of terrorist attacks overseas and an awful lot of plane crashes and nothing much interesting unless you count the birth of CC Deville, Izzy Stradlin, Axl Rose and Jon Bon Jovi as interesting. I'm thinking there was some kind of devil pact/hair metal thing going on that year. -M

So what happened the year you were born?

Turtle and Michele know that you are only as old as you feel. So we're both around 96.



Motherfucking A Team! I've watched a few reruns of that recently with my ex-roommate. It's completely ridiculous, but damn if it isn't still entertaining. It reminded me of why I used to watch it religiously with my brother.

Anyway, I was born in 1980. I'm not really sure what happened that year, except that Mt. St. Helens blew.

Let's see, I guess Reagan was elected. Apparently Lennon was killed. Miracle on Ice. The Iran-Iraq War. Voyager. Who Shot J.R.? Iran hostage situation. Summer Olympics boycott.

I guess it was a pretty eventful year, actually.


Oh sure... I was getting over feeling old that my high school was planning my 25th reunion and here I read how old I am compared to you all. To some, I am a Baby Boomer (good-fucking-grief).

I was born in the year of The Beatles came to Shea Stadium, and Ed Sullivan.

A boxer known then as Cassius Clay beat Sonny Liston, although most know the winner better as Ali.

The now infamous WARREN REPORT claimed Lee Harvey Oswald worked alone; not to be outdone, Jack Ruby killed Oswald.

Three civil rights workers were murdered in the incident that inspired
"Mississippi Burning".

The world lost the comedic genius musical talent of Harpo Marx.

Man, I *am* getting old....


No matter how old you are, Charlie, I'm still two years older than you.

Now get off my lawn.



i'll be humming the A-Team song all day now.


Well, Watergate broke, American involvement in Viet Nam ended, the DEA was founded and Scott Stapp was born.

My sudden awesomeness balanced all that out. Well, that, and Asia Carerra was born on the same day.


That Scott Stapp thing kind of negates the entire year.


I was born on the dawn of the crappiest decade *ever*. 1970. It was so shitty, i don't know what happened the year i was born.


Pril, both the AMC Gremlin and the Ford Pinto were introduced in 1970.

That's quality stuff.


don't fuck with the gremlin



G. Gordon Liddy found guilty in Watergate trials.

Patty Hearst "kidnapped."

Impeachment hearings agains Nixon begin.

The "Rumble in the Jungle" takes place between Ali and Foreman.

Ronald DeFeo, Jr. murders his parents and his four siblings in what would later become known as "The Amityville Horror House".

Restrictions on holding private gold within the United States, implemented by Franklin Roosevelt in 1933, are removed. (How odd was that?)


Oh, I should add that Jenna Jameson was born in 1974.



John F. Kennedy becomes president of the US

An estimated 1200 anti-Castro exiles aided by the US make a failed invasion of Cuba's Bay of Pigs

Navy Cmdr. Alan B. Shepard Jr. becomes the first US spaceman rocketing 118 miles above the earth

Hurricane "Carla" wipes out Texas gulf cities, claiming 46 lives

Russian Cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin makes the first manned space flight

Wayne Gretzky, Henry Rollins, Fabio, George Clooney, Dennis Rodman, Diana, Princess of Wales, and myself are all born. A good year for births

New York Yankees win the World series

Green Bay Packers win the NFL championship

Chicago Blackhawks win the Stanley Cup, yeah baby

Disney's One Hundred and One Dalmatians is the top grossing film

Catch-22 by Joseph Heller is published

The Miracles' "Shop Around" becomes Motown's first million-selling single


I think I'm the only one here older than Michele.



Other than Nixon being elected and something or other happening with the moon, I think the most important thing to happen in 1969 was Bryan Adams playing his first real six-string until his fingers bled.


I'm 72, I hear it's been done. They outlawed firecrackers in Canada back then.... and some other shit....

Yeah you're all fucking transfixed, I can tell.


Elvis and 'cilla got hitched in Vegas

Jack Ruby dies and The Bitch of Buchenwald Ilse Koch offs herself

The Piper at the Gates of Dawn & Sergeant Pepper's get released

Gilligan's Island was finally cancelled and Valley of the Dolls was released


The Pinto was the first American-made car to use a rack-and-pinion steering system. Til the Pinto, all the American cars were made with worm-and-sector systems. But i think i'll diss the Pinto anyway, because it was the harbringer of ickiness.


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