Advertise With Us||Links||
Submission Guidelines||Subscribe to Feed||Contact
Guilty As Charged
by Michele Christopher
Guilty pleasures. Those movies you love to watch even though everyone bags on them. Movies that mostly suck, but for some reason you think they are cool. They probably have bad acting. Stupid plot lines. Cheesy dialogue. But maybe that’s what you like about them. Maybe some people only watch movies that win awards. Maybe they don’t know what they’re missing. The fun of watching something that you know is really bad. Just getting lost in the special effects or gratuitous sex and violence. Sometimes you just gotta have fun. That’s what guilty pleasures are all about. We all have them. We watch the movies that other people say are unwatchable. Here’s two of ours.
I know the haters are out there. I’ve run into you before. Whining about loyalty to the book. Nerds. All of you. This movie rocked. I don’t care if it strayed from Heinlien’s book. Why argue over that? So it was different. Big deal. You still ended up with a kick ass movie.
Yea, there’s some intricate morality things going on here and Verhoeven kind of turns it into a gore and sex fest, as he is prone to do, and maybe at some point you do root for the bugs or wish for Jake Busey to just die already but god damn this is a fun flick.
Let’s look at what we’ve got here. Bugs. Giant bugs. BUGS IN SPACE. Forget your snakes on a motherfucking plane. We’ve got bugs in motherfucking SPACE. And there’s gore. Brains being sucked out of someone’s head. Doogie Howser. God damn Doogie Howser playing a space Nazi. The cheesiest, wooden acting you can ask for in a cheesy movie. Yes, it’s pure cheese. Yes, it’s absurd. Yes, I know that it’s got flaws out the ass and the dialogue is ridiculous. "You're some sort of big, fat, smart-bug, aren't you?"
There’s only one thing to say to all of you who hate this movie: You got a bug problem, man? -M
Turtle goes to the drive in:
Don't ask me why I defend Mr. Patrick Swayze all the time. I really just think he is the most underrated actor of all time. You can say Gary Coleman or even that little short kid from "Webster" holds this title, but I will have to disagree with you. Midgets are cool, but Mr. Swayze breaks knees. He was the cool while Gary Coleman was asking about what we were talking about.
Confused midget verses knee breaking ass kicker.
I think Mr. Patrick Swayze wins.
Plus Mr. Patrick Swayze has one advantage.
He breaks knees.
Why is this movie so cool, you ask? It all has to do with one summer. Bored kids with no money to spend except just enough to buy a few forties of malt liquor. Sitting in an alley way. Maybe just a street corner. Passing a bottle around just waiting for the rain to come to wash away the boredom. We had nothing to do and we were poor. Just drink, pass, drink, pass. You get the idea.
A van pulled up one night. A friend. He looked us up and down. We were a sad lot of kids. Drinking warm beer and counting our last smokes before we would have to shoplift again. He asked us if we wanted to go to the drive in with him. He had to take his sister to see some dumb movie. He didn't want to go alone. Meh. We have no cash. It's the drive in, dude. Unless you are a cripple that can't hop a fence you better get the fuck in the van.
We drove to the drive in and found a way in. Hopped a back fence and wandered into the parking lot. That's when we knew we were seeing something big. This was it. This was something to behold.
Kegs overflowing and staff not caring. Lounge chairs all around the parking lot. Bodies running into each other as everyone screamed the words to the movie!
The Summer Of Swayze was born!
No more alley ways. No more dead end streets waiting for the night to end. No more drinking cheap beer. All The Summer of Swayze asked you to do was hop a fence, grab a beer and watch him kick ass for 90 minutes! This was awesome. We owned the parking lot! It was ours! People too drunk to talk! Mumbling out "Pain don't hurt" as they passed out! Bodies having sex in the bushes! Bar fights on the screen! Drive in parking lot fights in front on me! Grab a beer and get numb! The movie played three times in a row every night for the entire summer. I know that movie like the smell of yesterday's keg of Pabst that no one bothered to fill up again. Questions were always left unanswered. People left feeling dead after watching it three times in a row every single god damn night for three months.
But you know what?
We kept coming back.
And so did Mr. Patrick Swayze.
Until the Summer ended. - T
So we did it! We admitted what our own guilty pleasures are. I like spending a Saturday watching golf all day, if that gives you any more ammo. Well, the thing about this, it was fun.
What do you watch, other than porn, that you are afraid to cop to? Cause we all watch porn so that's not like a guilty pleasure. More of an addiction. So what is your favorite movie that no else likes?
Michele and Turtle never feel guilty about watching badly dubbed martial arts films.