by Baby Huey
As a dude, there's nothing more fun to me in conversation than inserting an apropos movie quote. Except (nah, I'm not gonna do that to you). These are some of my favorite scenes ... hope you like 'em too. In order of release date:
[Dundee is threatened by a mugger with a switchblade]
Sue: Mick, give him your wallet.
Mick: What for?
Sue: He's got a knife.
Mick: [chuckling] That's not a knife. [Dundee draws a large Bowie knife]
Mick: *That's* a knife.
Honestly, I defy you to find a funnier line in a movie that's also completely true. Crocodile Dundee was the greatest documentary about the Australian people ever made. And if the scene is parodied on the Simpsons, you know it's funny. Maybe.
Aussie Dundee Guy: "That's not a knife, This is a knife"
Bart: "That's not a knife, that's a spoon."
Aussie Dundee Guy: "Aaah, I see you've played knifey-spoony before."
This movie is such a series of vignettes, and is so all over the place, it's really more a collection of memorable quotes. It's what I love about Kevin Smith movies. Jay and Silent Bob are OK and all, but my favorites are always the characters Jason Lee plays. His delivery was always impeccable. Brodie Bruce in Mallrats always reminds me of how I was in high school -- namely, overly pissed about the smallest things. Ok, I'm still like that, but not at the mall. I hate the mall. I think his rage can be summed up in one quote that I absolutely love.
That's criminal; that kid is back ON THE ESCALATOR AGAIN!
The Big Lebowski
[the Dude, Walter, and Donny walk out of the bowling alley, to find the three Nihilists waiting in front of the Dude's car, which has been torched]
The Dude: Well, they finally did it. They killed my fucking car.
Nihilist: Ve vant ze money, Lebowski.
Nihilist #2: Ja, uzzervize ve kill ze girl.
Nihilist #3: Ja, it seems you have forgotten our little deal, Lebowski.
The Dude: You don't HAVE the fucking girl, dipshits! We know you never did!
[the Nihilists, stunned, confer amongst themselves in German]
Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of.
Nihilist: Ve don't care. Ve still vant ze money, Lebowski, or ve fuck you up.
Walter Sobchak: Fuck you. Fuck the three of you.
The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter.
Walter Sobchak: No, without a hostage, there is no ransom. That's what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules.
Nihilist #2: His girlfriend gave up her toe!
Nihilist #3: She though we'd be getting million dollars!
Nihilist #2: Iss not fair!
Walter Sobchak: Fair! WHO'S THE FUCKING NIHILIST HERE! WHAT ARE YOU, A BUNCH OF FUCKING CRYBABIES?
The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter. Look, pal, there never was any money. The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase, so take it up with him, man.
Walter Sobchak: And, I would like my undies back.
[Stunned, the Germans confer amongst themselves again]
Donny: Are they gonna hurt us, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: No, Donny. These men are cowards.
Nihilist: Okay. So we take ze money you haf on you, und ve calls it eefen.
Walter Sobchak: Fuck you.
I will admit that I'm not a huge Coen brothers fan, but this movie is so fantastic. This scene is so representative of the entire movie. You've got the ultimate cool cat in The Dude, riled up by the big Lebowski's antics, Walter being pissed, and Donny being out of his fucking element. And Flea is a badass nihilist. It's the truth.
Mac: All right, how about "Cat Game?"
Foster: Cat Game? What's the record?
Mac: Thorny did six, but I think you can do ten.
Foster: Ten? Starting right 'meow?'
[Mac laughs - they walk up to the car, and Foster taps on the driver side]
Larry Johnson: Sorry about the...
Foster: All right meow. (1) Hand over your license and registration.
[the man hands him his license]
Foster: Your registration? Hurry up meow. (2)
[Mac ticks off two fingers]
Larry Johnson: Sorry.
[the man laughs a little]
Foster: Is there something funny here boy?
Larry Johnson: Oh, no.
Foster: Then why you laughing, Mister... Larry Johnson?
Foster: All right meow, (3) where were we?
Larry Johnson: Excuse me, are you saying meow?
Foster: Am I saying meow?
[Mac puts his hands up for the fourth one, but makes an "eehhh" facial expression, as he is considering the last one]
Larry Johnson: I thought...
Foster: Don't think boy. Meow, (4) do you know how fast you were going?
Foster: Meow. (5) What is so damn funny?
Larry Johnson: I could have sworn you said meow.
Foster: Do I look like a cat to you, boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree?
[Mac is gut-busting laughing]
Foster: Am I drinking milk from a saucer?
Foster: Do you see me eating mice?
Foster: [Mac and the man are laughing their heads off now] You stop laughing right meow! (6)
Larry Johnson: [the man stops and swallows hard] Yes sir.
Foster: Meow, (7) I'm gonna have to give you a ticket on this one. No buts meow. (8) It's the law.
[rips off the ticket and hands it to the man]
Foster: Not so funny meow, (9) is it?
Foster: [Foster gets up to leave, but Mac shakes his hands at him, indicating only nine meows] Meow! (10)
I wish real cops were like this. That would rule. That is all.
It's really hard to write this because I'm laughing so hard. What are some of your favorite scenes?
Baby Huey had to get this done before dark because he doesn't fucking write on shabbas. SHOMER FUCKING SHABBAS.