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Cranberries, Cardigans ... Tomato, Tomahto by Rockstar Mommy
Like the time I went to see the Beastie Boys and the guy standing next to me who kept asking me for my phone number by saying "Gimme the digits" got stabbed in the shoulder (it wasn't me, I swear, but I can't say I didn't think about it a few dozen times) by a complete stranger, for no reason at all, and the guy didn't even realize it. I had to tap him on the other non-bloody shoulder and tell him "Dude, you've got a knife in your back." He looked back at the knife and exclaimed, "Fuck." But it wasn't a "FUCK!" you would think you would hear someone yell in a moment of panic. It was a simple, quite matter-of-fact, "Fuck." As in, "Fuck. Now I gotta buy a new shirt." Or like the time I thought I was buying tickets to see The Cranberries. (Shut up, I said it was something to do.) But, I guess I hadn't learned how to read just yet because I actually bought tickets to see The Cardigans and spent the night listening to some annoying, perky broad singing about kissing her by the broken tree house or some shit. There was this guy there who was visiting The States from Ireland who kept hitting on me and I let him because he was cute but mainly because I was under legal drinking age. I couldn't understand a word he said, though, because he didn't have an accent like the Lucky Charms guy and instead talked like he had a mouth full of shit. I just kept nodding my head and agreeing with everything he said because it was loud and I wasn't really all that interested anyway. Later on that night after the perky broad was done singing and I could understand him a little bit better, I found out that I had agreed to go back to Ireland with him and I had to act like I was an escaped mental patient in order to get him the hell away from me.
There was the Korn show (oh, the shame!) I went to where within the first 5 seconds of the first song, my red sneaker came off and I spent the rest of the show hopping around on one foot looking for it. I never did find it, but by the end of the show, when everyone had cleared out, there was a graveyard of shoes up front. I dug through the pile but never did find my shoe. So, I actually had to pick a stranger's scuzzy shoe and wear it home. I know, eww, but Athlete's Foot seemed a lot more appealing than having to take Philadelphia Public Transportation home in a bare foot. Itchy foot rot beats the hell out of Hepatitis any day, if you ask me. I could go on and on and on some more, but I will spare you. Point is, I miss going to shows all the time, even the shitty ones. I used to swear that I would never get old and stop going to shows. But, I had kids and got old and stopped going, save maybe one or two a year. And those two usually end up being something like Sesame Street Live or Disney on Ice. Which, you know, aren't really the venues for future storytelling. Unless, of course, you want to hear about the time Imade a 6 year old cry by buying up the last $22 Elmo beach ball. That's pretty hardcore, right? Rockstar Mommy told u she was hardcore
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Before I had kids, I would go to concerts and shows pretty much every night of the week. Good ones, bad ones, it didn't really matter. It was just something to do rather than sitting around my friends' apartments asking each other, "What do you want to do?", "I dunno. What do you want to do?". It got to the point where it was damned near impossible to name a band that was around at the time that I hadn't seen, probably multiple times. I'm glad I did, though, because even the shittiest of shows gave me some memories to hang on to to keep me entertained while I'm doing the 3AM hallway bounce with a baby crying in my ear.
Then there was the time I went to a Beck show and decided I would give the mosh pit a visit since I didn't picture Beck fans getting all that rough in their white pleather shoes and brown polyester suits. I mean, honestly, who would expect anyone who looked like Mr. Furly from Three's Company to know how to throw a punch? But, the second that Beck came out and started singing a song called "Satan Gave Me A Taco", the crow turned into Slayer fans from hell and started throwing me all over the place. For the next week, I lied to anyone who asked why I was all bruised up that I had fallen down the stairs because I would have rather been known for being a clumsy fool than for getting beat up by a bunch of Beck fans.
Stumble It!
Comments
I went to see ICP once. And then there was the outdoor rock festival in Fort Myers with a mosh pit from hell, back when Newfound Glory was new and getting booed off the stage. And then there was the Tool concert with the weirdest concert-goers ever, which, hey, at least was entertaining as we stood around and made fun of them because Maynard was doing his "Pretend I'm not here" crap. And then... there was the Goo Goo Dolls concert?
Fuck, I think I'm getting old too.
Posted by: steen | February 15, 2007 10:53 AM
Dude. I saw ICP, too (talk about SHAME!). They were shaking up 2 liter bottles of soda and chucking them at people in the audience and they hit some guy directly in the face a few feet away from me.
Yeah.
I moved way back.
Posted by: rsm | February 15, 2007 10:55 AM
it's not soda it's faygo...
/down with the clowns
Posted by: kali | February 15, 2007 11:04 AM
Nothing is more shameful than admitting that you have attended a Vanilla Ice concert many many years ago. Hopefully it was a free ticket and I was abducted and forced to attend against my free will. God I must be getting old because I can't remember what would have made me do such a stupid thing!! AACCKK!!
Posted by: elle | February 15, 2007 12:03 PM
Oh, if we're admitting to embarrassing concerts, how about this: Richard Marx. With my mom. Yeah, top that.
Great concert stories, by the way. Love the guy getting stabbed.
Posted by: Joel | February 15, 2007 12:18 PM
I have also seen ICP. Some douce bag was dressed up like them and running around the parking lot. He ran out in front of a car and they hit him (it was great). I to have been to Vanilla Ice (I claim being young and dumb!)
Old school Korn is good the new stuff that they play on the radio SUCKS.
Posted by: Heather | February 15, 2007 12:22 PM
come sit on my plastic-covered couch and rest your head on my doiley, and tell me all about it, Dear.
(ha ha, RSM likes Beastie Boys...ha ha..)
Posted by: HeidiChick | February 15, 2007 12:29 PM
Haha, kali! During the concert, I got a bucketful of ice water right in the face. Hooray. I had to throw out the sneakers I wore too because they were so sticky from all the Faygo.
I still have The Great Milenko though.
Posted by: steen | February 15, 2007 12:44 PM
RSM - Oh yeah? I may have seen the Breeders, but I've also got MANY Jimmy Buffet concerts under my belt. Not gay enough for you? How about a Barry Manilow show? STILL not enough? How about Neil Diamond, too? Feel better? Now turn off that damn rock n' roll music and get offa my lawn!!
Posted by: LaraChick | February 15, 2007 12:44 PM
I miss going to shows too.
I got kicked in the head by a member from Slipknot. Fun, times.
Posted by: becca | February 15, 2007 1:25 PM
yeah, i saw the backstreet boys at a county fair...shoot me.
Posted by: liz | February 15, 2007 1:31 PM
I've got you all beat.
Can anyone say NKOTB? I was in love with Donnie Walhberg in high school (talk about shame)! Sat in the 3rd row. I told everyone how they all sweated on me.
Why can't I lose that memory instead of the ones I really wanted to keep?
Posted by: Anne | February 15, 2007 2:21 PM
I think it was the summer of '77 that I saw Journey about 5 different times. Every freakin' Fest or Concert in the Park or whatever had Journey in it.
I swear I still go into convulsions when I hear Wheel in the Sky.
The weirdest combination was RUSH/TUBES/FOGHAT outdoors. RUSH and TUBES just aren't the same without all their stage gimmicks.
Posted by: Timmer | February 15, 2007 2:42 PM
Wow, I miss the days of concerts, too. I remember one time, my friend and I went to a Phish concert (YES! Phish! Don't make fun of me!) and we were so stoned off our asses that we each bought a $25 Papa John's pizza and ate the entire things ourselves. And we stole some weed and a pipe off of some 14 year old kid, and started lighting up in front of a cop. Genius! And then there are the countless Dave Matthews concerts we went to. There are some weird memories associated with those.
Posted by: Snickrsnack Katie | February 15, 2007 2:53 PM
steen!!! i love the great milenko. i can't help it they're funny.
seriously some of their beats are good. anyway i like them...
Posted by: kali | February 15, 2007 3:30 PM
I lost my shoe at a Smashing Pumpkins concert. Don't feel bad. It seems to happen quite often.
Posted by: Jess | February 15, 2007 3:57 PM
Shameful concerts.. GREAT TOPIC!!!
And, I KNOW that my love for Dave Matthews SCEAMS shame in your eyes(but I happen to be proud of that obsession:), RSM... BUT, there were some really bad ones.
REALLY BAD
Like, the time I almost got killed in a mosh pit when Pantera opened for Skidrow, by a bunch of very fat 14 year old boys.. and when I say almost killed, I mean I saw the white light.
Ok maybe not THE WHITE LIGHT, but something like it.
OH, and then there was Further Fest in the pouring rain, that gave me bronchotis for a week after.
Lastly, there was that "brief" country craze that resulted in Alan Jackson, Garth Brooks AND John Michael Montgomery concerts.
Can you say SHAME any louder?? I think not.
BTW--- I think that the country concerts had more people getting high than ANY of the other shows I have ever been to, who knew?!!!!
Posted by: Kathy | February 15, 2007 4:30 PM
I moved to New York, the kids got a bit bigger and now I leave the husband with them multiple times a month so I can see shows. I'm so happy because I feel like myself again!
rsm, you crack me up. You have the most hilarious experiences to share.
And Kathy, I almost died at Pantera too. You want some killer crazy country, try seeing Hank III sometime.
Posted by: Kazza | February 15, 2007 6:16 PM
Katie, you spent $25 on a Papa John's pizza? I hope that was for both, because otherwise you got ripped off.
Posted by: Joel | February 15, 2007 7:52 PM
I was forced to go to a Neil Diamond concert by a girfriend once.
I ended up getting so wasted I started to enjoy the show and for that, I am deeply ashamed.
Posted by: Pirate | February 15, 2007 9:22 PM
So that rock festival I mentioned?
Yeah, I only went to see Stabbing Westward. And I only went to see Stabbing Westward because of Christopher Hall.
Getting smushed up against the front rail was totally worth being thisclose to Christopher Hall. Especially since he was wearing a wife beater and some tight velvet pants.
Posted by: steen | February 15, 2007 10:00 PM
I took a girl to a Dan Hill concert.
I'm not kidding
And I dig some of the Cranberries stuff too
Posted by: Dan | February 16, 2007 7:57 AM
I'm a punk rock mommy. When I had kids I really missed going to shows too. But now my kids are teens and I can just take them along with me. It's so much fun seeing them enjoy shows for the first time. Hang in there RSM, you'll be yourself again in no time and your kids will love you for it.
BTW - I was at a Shellac show in a strip club and got to see a stripper beat some punk kid over the head with her boob. Then, she crushed a beer can between both boobs.
I got pretty beat up in the pit that night. Then, out of the pit I got cracked in the head by some kid on too much speed. He got punched out by a girl.
I'm glad I can share these stories with my kids now. They think I'm so cool!
Posted by: Heather | February 16, 2007 9:42 AM
I've seen Tom Jones an even half dozen times. On purpose.
Also: the Moody Blues. And in two weeks - Bob Seger.
I'm not 30 yet.
SHAME.
Posted by: Corinne | February 16, 2007 5:12 PM
Corinne win.
Posted by: adam | February 17, 2007 8:50 AM
So I went to a Greenday/Blink182/Jimmy Eat World concert and had to be hardcore & get GA/standing at the age of 26. Someone crowd surfing over me kicked me in the face, tearing my contact and giving me conjunctivitis.So I had to wear an eye patch along with handprint bruises from the children (I swear aside from some old school GD fans we were the oldest people there) who were moshing there.
Posted by: LunaChickNYC | February 20, 2007 4:23 PM