screaming like the 70's
by Kali Pornia
so ya this week being 70's week at fttw i'm not going to talk about sex. i mean i'll probably digress into it somehow (you know me) but since i was born in 72 i never did have 70's sex. (bown chicka bown bown) i waited until the ripe old age of thirteen to pop the proverbial pitted fruit. which would be 1985. so lookout 80's week, cuz here i cum! ahahah ok sorry there i go.
but yes the seventies hold a sweet sweet place in my heart. they were my first decade. i went from skipping lemons to cut off jordache and baseball t-shirts. no, really that's me. last year of the seventies. god DAMN i'm a hoochie mama!
i crushed on boy who wore desert boots and led zepplin t-shirts that did funny things when you hung out in his room with the black light on. (the t-shirts, not the boy -- oh wait... maybe the boy too)
i rode on the front of the bus while the cool 5th graders smoked in the back seats of the bus and yelled at the bus driver to turn up "heartache tonight" so that everyone could scream and bump along the way home. also fond are the bus memories of wailing the word "baltimore" in the boss' version of hungry heart. you KNOW "got a wife and kids in BALTIMORE jack, i went out for a ride and i never went back..." (HEY did you know that springsteen originally wrote that for the ramones? can you imagine??? also it was released in 1980 so again, i'm off in my years, damnit)
anywho, in the seventies i went hunting with my paw. if you count sitting in a duck blind being bored as fucking hell as hunting, that is... i was such a sad dissapointment to him then.
hmm what else about the seventies. i'm sure my mom dressed me in embarassing plaid bell bottoms. didn't everybody's mom do that?
i loved the movie musical grease and donny and marie were the king and queen of cool. i wasn't allowed to watch three's company because it was "suggestive."
i loved john baker more than ponch and bo more than luke. i would have married either arthur fonzerelli or david banner. i longed to be leather tuscadero with all my heart (suzi quatro playing the musician sister of pinky i had no idea)
i had the dorothy hammel 'do and fancied myself a nadia comaneci in the making. i watched the love boat and charlies angels like they were going out of style, which, coincidentally, they were.
so the 70's were a flash in my cathode ray tube. i was raised by the television much to my parents' dismay.
the 80's? well that's where i found my identity. but we can talk about that another day..
kali admits a hell of a lot more about the 70's than I ever would have