TAFC#5: I Want My MTV - Best Video of the 80's
by Turtle Jones
70's week has come and gone and, while that was a lot of fun, we realize that we need to move on. Let's visit a brighter, wilder decade this week. A decade that brought us spandex pants, hair metal, the Safety Dance, John Hughes movies and the Miracle on Ice.
Yep. it's 80's week here at Faster Than the World. And what better way to relive the glory days of that decade than by paying tribute to the best/worst thing to come out of those years?
Martha Quinn. Headbanger's Ball. Remote Control. Yo! MTV Raps. And, of course the videos.
[insert requisite rant here about how MTV used to play videos. Or see here].
Being that this week is specifically about the 80's, we will pay homage to the decade when MTV actually utilized the "V" in their name and played videos. This week's poll is:
FAVORITE 80'S MUSIC VIDEO
80's. That decade only. So anyone nominating "Trapped in the Closet" will get beaten. Or ignored.
The nominating process begins here. Nominate as many as you want. We also welcome your comments reminiscing about the good old days of MTV and music videos.
We'll take the nominations at the end of the week and throw them into a poll that will go up on Friday.
Here's a few picks from the editors of FTTW to get you started:
turtle supports any video that progresses the agenda of our vertically challenged friends.
Men Without Hats - Men Without Hats
They were Medieval Canadians. That should be a name for a band. The Medieval Canadians with a Midget Sprinkled on top. When this video came out, I was in the middle of trying to buy every Judas Priest album that was ever made. The problem was, I could only afford an album a month so this video kinda fucked my plan up. Cause Judas Priest had a bunch of albums and I didn't have a bunch of cash. But I had to get it. The single that is.
Something spoke to me in that video. It was the midget. Wearing the little child size "Men Without Hats" shirt. That midget was so cool he could even make Rob Halford wince in pain. Or is he a dwarf? Or a little person?
He is Mike Edmonds. A great man. I salute him for what he has done to the face of popular culture in the 80's. Next time you watch Jabba the Hut and stare in amazement at how fine his tail is wagging, thank Mike Edmonds for squeezing his tiny ass in that costume.
Whatever Mike Edmonds was in was gold. Mike Edmonds made me smile.
So I bought the single.
I acted like an imbecile. - T
Baby Huey holds his breath and wishes for death:
One by Metallica
Remember when Metallica was metal? Yeah, I don't either, but hey, we have video proof of it. This video had everything: bombs, attempted assisted suicide, and the metal band just playing there for no real reason. It was so good because it always made me think of the "What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who ... ?" jokes. I guess I'm weird like that.
Michele never says die:
Cyndi Lauper: Goones R Good Enough
Don't look at me like that. This video had everything. Ok, everything except a good song. I'll give you that much, the song sucked. But it was epic. Two parts. Featuring the ACTUAL GOONIES!! And wrestlers! Lou Albano! Rowdy Roddy Piper! Iron Sheik! Nikolai Volkov! It's even got Steven Spielberg and some hibachi chefs. And CHUNK!
This video came out at a time when I was really into wrestling (I proudly attended Wrestlemania 2), so it really spoke to me. I think what it said was "Michele, you are out of your fucking mind. Please go back to watching cheesy metal videos and going to clubs instead of pay per view wrestling events. I....I don't even know you anymore....."
I-Mockery has a great play-by-play of the videos here.
Van Halen : Hot For Teacher
Oh hell yeah, I was hot for this song and for the video. Because long before the suck that was Van Hagar forever scarred this bands good name, there was a band that hadn’t forgotten that good rock and roll should be filled with, booze, broads and most importantly, should be fun. The original Van Halen lineup epitomized all of the above and nowhere is it more evident than right here. We’ve got it all, pint sized versions of the band, behaving in ways that really aren’t becoming of a ten year old; hot chicks that look like librarians and swimsuit models; a side story involving a poindexter named Waldo and did I mention that there were hot chicks ? Every adolescent fantasy you didn’t know you had came to fruition in this video and even if you didn’t know why your shorts were tight, you knew you were in the presence of greatness. The likes we shall never see again. --F