TAFC#5: I Want My MTV - Best Video of the 80's
by Turtle Jones

70's week has come and gone and, while that was a lot of fun, we realize that we need to move on. Let's visit a brighter, wilder decade this week. A decade that brought us spandex pants, hair metal, the Safety Dance, John Hughes movies and the Miracle on Ice.

Yep. it's 80's week here at Faster Than the World. And what better way to relive the glory days of that decade than by paying tribute to the best/worst thing to come out of those years?


Martha Quinn. Headbanger's Ball. Remote Control. Yo! MTV Raps. And, of course the videos.

[insert requisite rant here about how MTV used to play videos. Or see here].

Being that this week is specifically about the 80's, we will pay homage to the decade when MTV actually utilized the "V" in their name and played videos. This week's poll is:


80's. That decade only. So anyone nominating "Trapped in the Closet" will get beaten. Or ignored.

The nominating process begins here. Nominate as many as you want. We also welcome your comments reminiscing about the good old days of MTV and music videos.

We'll take the nominations at the end of the week and throw them into a poll that will go up on Friday.

Here's a few picks from the editors of FTTW to get you started:

turtle supports any video that progresses the agenda of our vertically challenged friends.

Men Without Hats - Men Without Hatssafetydance.jpg

They were Medieval Canadians. That should be a name for a band. The Medieval Canadians with a Midget Sprinkled on top. When this video came out, I was in the middle of trying to buy every Judas Priest album that was ever made. The problem was, I could only afford an album a month so this video kinda fucked my plan up. Cause Judas Priest had a bunch of albums and I didn't have a bunch of cash. But I had to get it. The single that is.

Something spoke to me in that video. It was the midget. Wearing the little child size "Men Without Hats" shirt. That midget was so cool he could even make Rob Halford wince in pain. Or is he a dwarf? Or a little person?


He is Mike Edmonds. A great man. I salute him for what he has done to the face of popular culture in the 80's. Next time you watch Jabba the Hut and stare in amazement at how fine his tail is wagging, thank Mike Edmonds for squeezing his tiny ass in that costume.

Whatever Mike Edmonds was in was gold. Mike Edmonds made me smile.

So I bought the single.


I acted like an imbecile. - T

Baby Huey holds his breath and wishes for death:

One by Metallica

Remember when Metallica was metal? Yeah, I don't either, but hey, we have video proof of it. This video had everything: bombs, attempted assisted suicide, and the metal band just playing there for no real reason. It was so good because it always made me think of the "What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who ... ?" jokes. I guess I'm weird like that.

Michele never says die:

Cyndi Lauper: Goones R Good Enough

Don't look at me like that. This video had everything. Ok, everything except a good song. I'll give you that much, the song sucked. But it was epic. Two parts. Featuring the ACTUAL GOONIES!! And wrestlers! Lou Albano! Rowdy Roddy Piper! Iron Sheik! Nikolai Volkov! It's even got Steven Spielberg and some hibachi chefs. And CHUNK!

This video came out at a time when I was really into wrestling (I proudly attended Wrestlemania 2), so it really spoke to me. I think what it said was "Michele, you are out of your fucking mind. Please go back to watching cheesy metal videos and going to clubs instead of pay per view wrestling events. I....I don't even know you anymore....."

I couldn't help it. I know the song sucks worse than Mr. T's wrestling skills, but the video is like everything awesome about the 80's wrapped up in one crazy little movie. If it only had a cameo by Robert Smith, it would be perfect.

I-Mockery has a great play-by-play of the videos here.


the finn
’s got it bad, got it bad, got it bad…

Van Halen : Hot For Teacher

Oh hell yeah, I was hot for this song and for the video. Because long before the suck that was Van Hagar forever scarred this bands good name, there was a band that hadn’t forgotten that good rock and roll should be filled with, booze, broads and most importantly, should be fun. The original Van Halen lineup epitomized all of the above and nowhere is it more evident than right here. We’ve got it all, pint sized versions of the band, behaving in ways that really aren’t becoming of a ten year old; hot chicks that look like librarians and swimsuit models; a side story involving a poindexter named Waldo and did I mention that there were hot chicks ? Every adolescent fantasy you didn’t know you had came to fruition in this video and even if you didn’t know why your shorts were tight, you knew you were in the presence of greatness. The likes we shall never see again. --F

So there are some picks to start you off. And stop back on Friday to check out our Group Late Night Typing, where we ask the writers of FTTW to wax nostalgic on their favorite 80's videos. Meanwhile, get your nominations now. We're only going to grab about 30 for the poll, so make yours count.



'Take on Me' Aha

'Can I play with Madness' Iron Maiden (featuring Gramme Chapman's last ever perfromance.)



michael jackson - beat it
devo - whip it


that metallica video bit big donkey ass.

i remember waiting for that video to come on head bangers ball with about 30 people sitting around at a party.

just waiting for that video..

when it was over we all sat around with our jaws dropped.

metallica had just fagged out and we just watched it happened


turtle, you've made me say "i'm going to stab you" so many times the words have lost all meaning, but i'm going to fucking stab you.


heh heh heh

duran duran "hungry like the wolf"

just cause those sunglasses were so cool

go gos - vacation


How about Run DMC and Aerosmith in Walk this Way.


Erm. If Duran Duran's Hungry like the wolf is good, Girls on film is bettah.

A-ha gets my vote, too.

Along with The Cars - You Might Think, General Public - Tenderness (I dunno residual English Beat lovins), Guns N' Roses - Paradise City, INXS - Need You Tonight (Le Sigh), Madness - Our House (hee), Queen - Crazy Little Thing Called Love.

That's all i can think of ATM.


I know it's obvious but Dire Straits' "Money For Nuthin'."

From Sting's wailing, "I want my MTVeeeeeee." to Mark Knopfler's guitar, it really did wrap the decade up musically.


...and I hate to say this, but the first time I saw a Metallica video? I would have sworn that they weren't serious, that they were like Spinal Tap. When I found out they were serious I was completely dumbfounded. It was just like the first time I heard Rush Limbaugh and thought he was a comedian pretending to be a far right whack-job.


That's the word.


Not to get into another long metallica thing here, but that video they made, the one they said they would never do, that's the start of the downward spiral right there.

As far as a good 80's vid, how about Twisted Sister, 'I Wanna Rock' Not the best song but a funny video.

Also DLR's 'California Girls' video was awesome for reasons that need no explanation.


I think we might want to think about saving "Most Boobiliscious" and "Most Beef-cakey" videos as separate categories altogether.

'Cuz we're into the 80s and it's only February. There's a lot of year left.


Gotta agree with turtle on this one, baby huey. Metallica jumped the shark big time with And Justice ... the video for One was just further proof of that fact.

Especially when you put anything on And Justice up against Master of Puppets. Makes you wonder if the real genius of the band died in that bus wreck.


Maiden's videos were hilarious, mostly because they were all the same video but with different stock footage.


Well Tim, the same thing can sort of be said for a lot of Maiden's songs.

Girls on Film was like having free porn that you didn't have to watch through scrambled lines.

Any DLR video.

Any Twisted Sister video. Hell, all metal videos from the 80s were awesome on their own, cheesy way.


the same thing can sort of be said for a lot of Maiden's songs.

Watch out, now.


Either "Bastards of Young" or "Alex Chilton" by The Replacements. Or both. Whatever.


I am a Maiden fan, don't hurt me :)


It HAS to be "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits. Plain and simple.


See, Cullen, I basically agree with you. I like AJFA, but master of puppets is their magnum opus. no question.

but one was a good video, the band notwithstanding. i like videos that use movie footage, and i enjoy the song.


The only Maiden song I listen to anymore is Rime of the Ancient Mariner because it reminds me of The Wathcmen.


I don't know if it counts as a proper video, but Queen performing "Radio Goo-Goo" at Live-Aid remains one of my most potent memories from the MTV years. The image of all those people clapping over their heads in unison as Freddie pumps his fist in the air is one of the most iconic moments in the decade for me. He had the audience in the palm of his hand. He was like a gay Hitler.


Man, I was gonna suggest "take on me,' by A-Ha


Sledgehammer-Peter Gabriel

Roam-B 52's

Talking Heads - Burning down the house

The Safety Dance- Men without hats

Everyday i write the book - Elvis Costello

Parents just don't understand - DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince

Fight for your right (to party) - Beastie Boys

and finally, for the pure, unadulterated cheese, factor:
Rico Suave - Gerado
Dancin in the streets - David Lee Roth and David Bowie


"Sweet Dreams" by the Eurythmics.
"The Neutron Dance" has an interesting cameo.
Hello? Is it this video you're looking for?

My personal favorite, and I expect this video to get every single vote:

Wrap It Up by the Fabulous Thunderbirds.

The best thing about it (besides the singer's beret moustache combo) is the the spirit of egalitarianism. Your typical video will have the lead singer getting the chick, but in this video, the whole band is shown getting pussy on an individual basis. Even the drummer! Now that's a happy ending.


"Just a Gigalo" by David Lee Roth. I still giggle when I think about it.


I still listen to Maiden, buy their new albums and go their gigs. They are one of the few bands that have that kind of loyalty from me.

Maiden are still one of the best live gigs you can go to...period. (And I got to a lot of gigs.)


My favorites were "Take on Me" and "Thriller". I would still stop channel surfing for either of these videos.


Brian Adams: Run To You. That was a wicked good one. Where he brushes the leaves off of the Strat... Super cool.


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