That Shit Is Funny
by Dan Greene
Ah hell, I don’t know what to do with this. I’m new. When someone asks me a question like that I usually just start talking shit. What spews out is probably accurate enough anyway so fuck it.
I mean, if you’re taking a multiple choice test, you know not to double check your answers, right? That shit will fuck you up.
Friday – PCP Laced Joint
Friday made me laugh a lot. A lot. Straight, sober or otherwise. Particularly otherwise. There were a bunch of good scenes in the first movie….. the second one was pretty good and I haven’t seen the third one, though I hear that’s alright too. But that first one, shit. Hardly a break in the jokes, and all well delivered by a good cast.
Chris Tucker’s become a bit of a pain in the ass lately, but he’s done some good stuff in his career (remember Dead Presidents?) and Friday was great. This isn’t opinion, it’s objective Truth, like capital T Truth. Friday was great.
- “You got knocked the fuck out.”
- “What, you trying to build a clubhouse?”
- “I LIKE PIG FEET!”
- “Remember it, write it down, take a picture, I don’t give a FUCK!”
And it goes on and on. But the first line to come to my mind is always,
“I spent all night in Deebo’s pigeon coop and the only one who could get me out was my Mom.”
That whole scene is good times. Drugs by mistake. Smokey telling Craig a story about why he doesn’t want to sell any weed to Hector. Why ever since then, he’s been like fuck Hector.
Caddyshack – Chocolate In The Pool
Yeah, I’m hangin in the gutter tonight. Caddyshack has a lot of great scenes, but this one is so lowbrow it’s not funny… Wait, I didn’t quite mean that…
I have to thank my wife for this one. I’d never seen Caddyshack until I started seeing her. This movie is funny as hell. You want a few reasons why?
-“It looks good on you though.”
-“I got it from a Negro.”
-“They’re like the Viet Cong. Varmint Cong.”
Keep in mind that I also love stupid 80’s stuff. No apologies. You got a better scene from Caddyshack than shit in the pool? I bet you do….. Nominate it! It’s what we’re here for.
Fast Times At Ridgemont High – I Know That Guy
Ah, Spicoli. Jeff Spicoli.
Jeff Spicoli. Sean Penn in one of his best roles. He’s a great actor, you say? He sure is. He’s done more sophisticated roles than this? Sure enough. But he took that role and treated it as importantly as any other role in his career. You know Spicoli’s bedroom? Sean Penn lived there when they weren’t shooting. During the entire gig he refused to answer to anything other than Spicoli.
So you know he was wasted when he was smacking his shoe off his head.
Again, there may well be better scenes in this movie and I hope your opinion is different than mine; in fact I hope you have lots of shit to say about it. But that scene where he first walks into Mr. Hand’s class, late. That kills me. He’s just spaced the fuck out, walks in, kind of talking to the teacher, looking around, sees a guy in the class.
“Hey, I know that guy.”
You fucking stoner.
So what do you have for us?
If you want to work at All American Burger, maybe Dan can talk to Dennis Taylor.