Bong Hits 4 Jesus
by Tim O'Connell

Bong Hits 4 Jesus.

That's what's in front of our Supreme Court this week.

Bong Hits 4 Jesus.

Google it, you'll find it.

Ya know, back in the day and that day was Tuesday. (No, FUCK Dane Cook, I've been cracking that joke for years, I'm not stopping just because he did it on HBO…besides, how fucking arrogant do you have to be to try to improve on the finger? Superfinger my white and furry. Sorry, didn't realize I felt so strongly about that.)

juneauop6.jpg Back in the day, seriously, the late 70s, we would have killed to have some sort of dumb druggy banner make it to the local news, much less make it all the way to the Supreme Freaking Court as a free speech for students case. I mean my class were the ones that when the principal tried to ban tube tops and halter tops, he announced, "Bottom line, belly buttons MUST be covered." What did the girls do? You got it, they wore tube tops and halter tops and covered their belly buttons with band aids. Some of the guys joined them. It was a liberal neighborhood, and seriously, not that far from the gay village. We were very accepting…especially when it helped frustrate the administration. I think the jocks even quit locking them in lockers for almost a month after that just because the Principal was so pissed.

And where do these kids come from? New York? Nope. L.A.? Wrong again. Chicago, Phillie, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, San Fransisco? Not even close. Juneau fucking Alaska. Not even Anchorage, Juneau. Granted, it's not like they don't have a lot of time on their hands between first snow and breakup, but still, how do you have the balls to take a stupid prank and turn it into a Supreme Court case that has legal analysts talking to each other in somber tones about the first amendment. Gretta's all over it. Nancy Grace is practically catatonic.

jesus%20coming%20hide%20bong%20small.jpg Bong Hits 4 Jesus.

Joseph Frederick, the young man who created then unfurled the banner during an off-site school function? Son, I salute you. To push this all the way to the Supreme Court is a riff that must have Andy Kaufman laughing in his grave. You are my fucking hero.

No…don't tell me you're serious, just don't. I don't want to hear that. You'll ruin it for me. Because it's the spoof, it's the riff, it's the fact that you pushed the limit and made the joke last longer than humanly possible that has me impressed. I kneel in full Wayne's World supplication, "We're not worthy."

Mike Meyers quoted his father as saying, "Silly is a state of grace."

Bong Hits 4 Jesus is what's in front of the United States Supreme Court this week.

Joseph Frederick, you are the Virgin Mary of silly.

Timmer supports any initiative that might postpone his own court dates.

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That's what gets me about this thing. He's come right out and said it was a prank just trying to get on TV. The only reason this is in front of the Supreme Court is because he's pissed he got suspended.

What it boils down to is that he completely had the right, protected under the First Amendment, to hold that sign up in a public area. There are no anti-drug provisions to the 1st amendment.

However, back at school, that principal had every right to suspend him. School policy exists in a completely different environment than a legal one. For a military correlation, think of the difference between judicial and administrative punishments. Judicially, the kid did nothing wrong. Administratively, he got caught.

He should have just sucked it up. The suspension has nothing to do with the First Amendment.


I have to agree, Cullen. I think this guy is just trying to become a self-stylized martyr. Lenny Bruce he ain't.


I'm glad somebody wrote about this. I saw this headline earlier this week and was so appaulled by it that I had to read the whole article. FREEDOM OF SPEECH, people! Jesus!

Do people honestly think Jesus would care if people offered him a bong hit? Enough for it to waste the time of our judges on the "highest" court in the nation?


Imagine the uproar if they held up "BONG HITS FOR SATAN".


I know it's messed up, but I just think it's hilarious that this kid actually pushed this thing all the way to the Supreme Court.

How exactly is this the most important thing on their plate?


Well, if he wins this things it will mean Freedom of Speech for students everywhere. If he loses, the education system will have a better grip on censoring children and their ideas. Personally, I'd rather have people be offended than dead, because Creativity shouldn't be confined, it should have the freedom to wander and evolve. They mention in the article that this happened in 2002. Right now the "kid" is in his early 20s and is an English teacher in China. He's not even in this country!!! The school board has probably pushed this thing through to the Supreme Court, not the kid.

I give him a ton of respect for going through all of this. Win or lose, this kid has made his place in our history.


The school has a policy that illegal substances cannot be promoted at school-endorsed functions. The event where Frederick had the banner was apparently a school-related function.

It is a bit interesting that the previous courts ruled in favor of Frederick.

One interesting aspect, though, is that Kenneth Starr, of Linda Tripp/Monica Lewinsky fame, has taken the case pro bono on behalf of the school district and was the one who petitioned the Supreme Court to hear the case.


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