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Do You See What Happens, Larry?
by Baby Huey
Ok, so this week's editor's pick of "greatest opening lines to a movie" was my idea, I think. I regret it. This was fucking hard! There are so many great lines at the beginning of movies, but not the ACTUAL beginning. Lines like:
However, there's only one that just screams "BEST EVER" to me.
"Way out west there was this fella I wanna tell ya about. Goes by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. See, this Lebowski, he called himself "The Dude". Now, "Dude" - there's a name no man would self-apply where I come from. But then there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place so darned interestin'. See, they call Los Angeles the "City Of Angels"; but I didn't find it to be that, exactly. But I'll allow it as there are some nice folks there. 'Course I ain't never been to London, and I ain't never seen France. And I ain't never seen no queen in her damned undies, so the feller says. But I'll tell you what - after seeing Los Angeles, and this here story I'm about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin' every bit as stupefyin' as you'd seen in any of them other places. And in English, too. So I can die with a smile on my face, without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. Now this here story I'm about to unfold took place in the early '90s - just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the I-raqis. I only mention it because sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause, what's a hero? Sometimes, there's a man. And I'm talkin' about the Dude here - the Dude from Los Angeles. Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's the Dude. The Dude, from Los Angeles. And even if he's a lazy man - and the Dude was most certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest in all of Los Angeles County, which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide. Sometimes there's a man, sometimes, there's a man. Well, I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell. I've done introduced it enough."
How much more can I say? This is the most awesome introduction to any movie, ever. Look at it this way. Ever heard of The Big Lebowski drinking game? You drink every time they say "Dude," "Man," or "Lebowski." Let's assume that one "drink" is one fluid ounce. In the course of this opening monologue, you'd finish a beer and a half. This monologue can't be much more than one or two minutes long. And it just sets the tone for the entire movie.
As I'm writing this, a Dunkin Donuts commercial came on featuring a voiceover by none other than Walter Sobcheck himself, John Goodman. And as he's hawking donuts or coffee or whatever the fuck they're selling, I can't help but imagine him asking if we'd ever heard of a place called Vietnam.
I dunno, that's just one dude's opinion of the greatest opening to a movie ever. What's your favorite?