Fuck Is King
by Dan Greene

I've never seen that Actor's Studio show. I hear it sucks though. Word gets around.

farmer.gif1. What is your favorite word?
Food. It almost always means something good.
2. What is your least favorite word?
Guesstimate. Just fucking pick one and move on.
3. What turns you on [creatively, spiritually or emotionally]?
Peace and quiet and solitude would work just fine for all three of those.
4. What turns you off?
Confusion, wounds that ooze things besides blood.
5. What is your favorite curse word?
Fuck is king. Nothing retains such offensiveness and force to the general population, and it’s versatile too.
6. What sound or noise do you love?
Really loud thunderstorms.
7. What sound or noise do you hate?
Techno. I just can’t.
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Organic soy farming would be both exciting and lucrative.
9. What profession would you not like to do?
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Welcome to Heaven, good job down there. Here you go, light this up.

And I don't know where the hell these questions came from, but they're our Ten Quick Questions.

1. Who are you?
2. Zombies - undead monstrosity or the next logical step in human evolution ?
Undead monstrosity, God love ‘em. The oncoming plague will be a part of evolution, but I don’t think it’s the next step. If anyone survives, they’ll be part of the next step. But, you know, it wouldn’t bother me that much to be wrong either.
3. Young Elvis or Fat Elvis?
FatElvisa.jpg A fat deranged Elvis is sad. A young Elvis would likely share his drugs.
4. If you were a superhero, what would your name be?
I would want to see what the papers called me.
5. You are the last man on earth, and it is your job to perpetuate the human race, whether you like it or not. Your choice of potential mates is between Wonder Woman, the Bionic Woman, Super Girl or Hilary Clinton. Which one do you choose?
Wonder Woman would know what to do.
6. What was your first car?
A crappy 96 protege
7. If you were going to show me around your city/town, where's the first place you would take me?
The cellar of my house, and I would tell people that you never showed up.
8. What's the last album you bought?
The New Pornographers – Twin Cinema
9. Do you have an arch enemy? Would you like one?
No and no, I don’t have the time to waste.
10. What's the title of the movie they are going to make about your teenage years?
Finding Self-Esteem Through Chronic Masturbation (a documentary).

Come on now, don't be shy about it, get to work and give us some answers. Don't you want in on this?

- Dan


Actually, some of the Actor's Studio shows suck, and others are great.

Robin Williams and Mike Meyers, HIlarious. Russel Crowe...not so much.

I'm looking forward to an entire hour of Will Ferrell.


Timmer, WHEN does that come on? I love me some Will.

The questions...I'm confused about which ones to answer, so I'm going to answer the ones I like my answers to...or something.

1-favorite word: Fuck. Hands-down the most versatile, can-never-be-over-used word ever. The End.

2-least favorite: MOIST. I will cut you if you say that around me. Ew

3-Turn ons: Liking me. DUH

4-Turn offs: Not liking me.
(I feel like I'm filling out a dating site profile)

5-See #1

6-Fav sound: my kids laughing. best sound ever.

7-Least fav sound: the sound of a car crash. even if it's not me in it, it makes me all shivery and freaky feeling. i hate that sound.

8-Teaching. I've always wanted to teach high school or college math & English.

9-porta potty cleaner. Ick.

10-I'd like to hear God say: GOT DAMN YOU LOOK GOOD.


1. who the fuck are you?

2. zombies are so '82. all the cool kids are into skunk apes.

3. Fat Elvis...there would be plenty of drugs around and you could likely steal them unnoticed. plus, Fat Elvis had the fly threads.

4. pornoman

5. Wonder Woman wears those bikini shorts WAY too high. two words: moose knuckle. Super Girl most likely has a cape with an 'S' on it hangin out of her pussy.

6. first one i drove regularly was a brown and yellow econoline. not mine, but you know...

7. the County

8. Gomez - Five Men in a Hut [used, half.com, $5]

9. yes, i do.

10. "Hey!!! Watch This!!!" and other famous last words.


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