Skyrockets In Flight! Or: We Have No Shame by Michele Christopher
We at FTTW have been challenged. Unfortunately, it was not to a duel. I always wanted to be challenged to a duel. It's such a gentlemanly way of settling an argument. Sure, it usually ends with someone's death, but at least he dies a gentleman's death. This challenge was put forth to us by my friend Dean from Dean's World. Dean had a sudden desire to announce to the world that he really digs the Jackson 5, particularly the song ABC. Then he must have felt much shame. All alone out there, with his Jackson 5 love dangling on his site for all the world to see. And he decided he did not want to be alone in this. So he challenged us. Would we admit to liking a worse, cheesier song than that? He picked the wrong crowd to fuck with. Thing is, we have no pride here at FTTW. Some of us have already admitted to things like lighting our farts on fire and watching Pauly Shore movies. We readily admit to getting our groove on to some seriously lame music. This is why Dean cannot win this challenge. Never go into a shame battle with people who possess no such thing. I present to you, and to Dean, two email threads from today in which most of the writers and editors of FTTW come forth with their dirty music laundry. And we do not hide behind meek excuses. No, we are loud and proud and in your face with it. First, the editor emails.
Baby Huey: YOU'LL BE ABLE TO DO THAT WITH AFTERNOON DELIGHT, LAME-O. (ed note: notice how I do not refute this assumption, nor the charges of being lame. If being lame for listening to Starland Vocal Band and enjoying is is wrong, I don't want to be right) Turtle: thats tough for me. It was then we decided to bring this to the entire group of writers. DR: Oh God. I think I already gave away mine this morning to Michele. DFactor: Partridge Family - "I Woke Up in Love this Morning" Baby Huey: For me it's the Carpenters' "Close to You"
Black Betty" by Ram Jam, when you really sit and listen, is an awful, awful song. The lyrics make no sense, the verse is repetitive; it would be talentless rap, but it doesn't have the talent to get up that high. But damnit, I know every word and can sing along at speed. Michele: I might have to add "I Think I Love You" to my list. Cheesy, manufactured pop at its finest. Plus, I used to swoon over David Cassidy. Branden: OOGAH CHAKA OOGAH OOGAH Speaking of Chaka, mine would be "I Feel For You" by Chaka Khan. Don't know why, but I really dig those synthesizers. kali: wow there are so many.. total eclipse of the heart - bonnie tyler should i go on? Ernie: I really like that song 'Cry' by Godley & Creme. They used that one in my favorite Miami Vice episode, the one with Ted Nugent in it. (Stop making fun of me). Shawna: Cheesiest song I love (one of them anyway) is the Sugarhill Gang's Rapper's Delight. I just heard it on the radio a few days ago. I think I was 10 or 11 when it came out. Part of me hates this song, and the other part of me can't pull away, kinda like looking at a really bad car accident. BH: dude. rapper's delight is made of win. Deb: I win, because right now I am listening to MAMBO No. 5. But I do have two very (as in short bus) special songs that I try to blame on other people, that I have in constant rotation on my iPOD... Love will keep us together (C&T) - this is one of my karaoke staples... Cracklin Rosie get on board It's my theme song. Richard: I have tons of embarrassing tunes stuck in my head, but let's go with Laura Brannigan's "Gloria" for my not so guilty pleasure. If I were to karaoke I would tear that song up. The video is halaarious, coked up or whatever; she looks like she is dancing to a completely different song. Travis: I blame this completely on my mother because she used to clean the house listening to this LP indefintiely but I know almost al of the songs from the Flashdance soundtrack. Cullen: I like the Statler Brothers. There is not a Statler Brothers song I don't like. Don't tell me I got nothing to do, dammit! Pirate: OMG, I am going to say this and then hide. Forever. I lost my virginity with the soundtrack to Saturday Night Fever playing on SOMEONE ELSE'S boombox on a beach and well, you know....I hate myself for it. Shes juicy and shes trouble What you doin on your back aah? So, Dean. The Gauntlet has been thrown, so to speak. Your challenge has been met and, I'm afraid to tell you, you have died a rather ungentlemanly death. Touché Now, help us out, faithful FTTW readers. Add yours to the list. We know you have no shame, either. We've seen the things you admitted to here before. Don't make us blackmail you. UPDATE: We are the champions!! Dean went down like France! Michele has been known to dance to Funkytown. |
Comments
On that whole saturday night fever thing...That was the pirate, not me.
I lost my virginity in front of an audience of five
Posted by: Travis | March 6, 2007 3:24 AM
I thought I got in early enough to get in on this. I love the Statler Brothers ... not a song of theirs I don't like.
Posted by: Cullen | March 6, 2007 6:12 AM
Travis, fixed.
Cullen, it's in there. You like them so much you wanted to announce it twice?
Posted by: michele | March 6, 2007 6:21 AM
No! Yes. Erm, no!
I just overlooked it, apparently.
Posted by: Cullen | March 6, 2007 6:37 AM
I lost my virginity in front of an audience of five
Yeah right. Admit it. You lost your virginity watching Party of Five, didn't you?
Posted by: baby huey | March 6, 2007 7:17 AM
Dang! Let me guess, Travis. You spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder...
Posted by: Pirate | March 6, 2007 7:33 AM
the only other song that could remotely be called cheesy that i like is The Safety Dance by Men Without Hats.
But that song is fucking cool AND has a midget in the video so they got all aces from me.
In fact I am buying a Men Without Hats shirt online right now just cause of this thread.
Posted by: turtle | March 6, 2007 8:03 AM
oh for christ sakes
the internet has failed me
i cannot find a Men Without Hats shirt
Posted by: turtle | March 6, 2007 8:05 AM
Michele has been known to dance to Funkytown.
I lost my virginity in front of an audience of five
My sister once dated Vanilla Ice...and is in his Ice Ice Baby video. Top that.
Rumpshaker - Rex-N-Effect
I have to stop what I'm doing everytime that damn song comes on...
Posted by: Darth Monkeybone | March 6, 2007 9:11 AM
My sister once dated Vanilla Ice
your sister screwed the Ice Man?!
Word to your sister!
That's kinda cool.
Posted by: turtle | March 6, 2007 9:22 AM
I too like Laura Brannigan's 'Gloria'. I used to sit and wait for Kasey Kasem to play that one on the radio.
Posted by: Ernie | March 6, 2007 9:36 AM
I've got you all beat:
House at Pooh Corner - Loggins and Messina
Humming to myself, "Winnie da Pooh dudn't know what ta do; Got a honey jar stuck on his nose."
Posted by: Timmer | March 6, 2007 10:04 AM
...and seriously Dean, ABC? Lame? I'll take anything from Motown over anything MJ ever did on his own.
Posted by: Timmer | March 6, 2007 10:56 AM
Shake Your Booty by KC and the Sunshine Band. Hell, I love everything by KC and the Sunshine Band.
Pooh Corner was Loggins and Messina? I thought it was someone else
Posted by: pril | March 6, 2007 11:20 AM
My sister once dated Vanilla Ice...and is in his Ice Ice Baby video.
Darth Monkeybone...in high school, my brother-who looked and was built a lot like Vanilla Ice, shaved his eyebrows like him, too. He wanted to be VI. I died a horrible, shameful, thousand deaths during that phase.
Posted by: DR | March 6, 2007 12:32 PM
Delta Dawn by the incomparable Helen Reddy.
Posted by: mike | March 6, 2007 1:51 PM
Turning Japanese by the Vapors. Unlike most people I have actually heard another song by the Vapors that wasn't Turning Japanese.
Posted by: Tim | March 6, 2007 5:05 PM
DELTA FRIGGIN' DAWN, oh, yeah!
I'm soo stuck in the 70s. The AM dial, in the 70s.
Posted by: Richard | March 6, 2007 7:11 PM
I think I was destroyed by "Afternoon Delight," but "Delta Dawn" is just rubbing salt in the wounds, you sick bastards.
Posted by: Dean Esmay | March 6, 2007 7:17 PM
Y'know, I just recently found out that "Turning Japanese" is a euphemism for self-abuse, I had no idea.
Posted by: Richard | March 6, 2007 7:47 PM
OT, but is anyone disturbed to hear a song about masturbation played on the Wendy's commercial for their new swiss bacon cheesemonster thing?! I mean... maybe the Femmes are getting a good laugh out of it, I am... but people have NOOOO idea.
Posted by: pril | March 7, 2007 4:21 PM
"Maybe I'm Amazed", but I have a singular weakness for Wings, so pretty much anything in their catalog.
Posted by: Todd | March 18, 2007 12:54 AM