Skyrockets In Flight! Or: We Have No Shame
by Michele Christopher
We at FTTW have been challenged.
Unfortunately, it was not to a duel. I always wanted to be challenged to a duel. It's such a gentlemanly way of settling an argument. Sure, it usually ends with someone's death, but at least he dies a gentleman's death.
This challenge was put forth to us by my friend Dean from Dean's World. Dean had a sudden desire to announce to the world that he really digs the Jackson 5, particularly the song ABC. Then he must have felt much shame. All alone out there, with his Jackson 5 love dangling on his site for all the world to see. And he decided he did not want to be alone in this. So he challenged us. Would we admit to liking a worse, cheesier song than that?
He picked the wrong crowd to fuck with.
Thing is, we have no pride here at FTTW. Some of us have already admitted to things like lighting our farts on fire and watching Pauly Shore movies. We readily admit to getting our groove on to some seriously lame music.
This is why Dean cannot win this challenge. Never go into a shame battle with people who possess no such thing.
I present to you, and to Dean, two email threads from today in which most of the writers and editors of FTTW come forth with their dirty music laundry. And we do not hide behind meek excuses. No, we are loud and proud and in your face with it.
First, the editor emails.
Baby Huey: YOU'LL BE ABLE TO DO THAT WITH AFTERNOON DELIGHT, LAME-O.
(ed note: notice how I do not refute this assumption, nor the charges of being lame. If being lame for listening to Starland Vocal Band and enjoying is is wrong, I don't want to be right)
Turtle: thats tough for me.
It was then we decided to bring this to the entire group of writers.
DR: Oh God. I think I already gave away mine this morning to Michele.
DFactor: Partridge Family - "I Woke Up in Love this Morning"
Baby Huey: For me it's the Carpenters' "Close to You"
Black Betty" by Ram Jam, when you really sit and listen, is an awful, awful song. The lyrics make no sense, the verse is repetitive; it would be talentless rap, but it doesn't have the talent to get up that high.
But damnit, I know every word and can sing along at speed.
Michele: I might have to add "I Think I Love You" to my list.
Cheesy, manufactured pop at its finest. Plus, I used to swoon over David Cassidy.
Branden: OOGAH CHAKA OOGAH OOGAH
Speaking of Chaka, mine would be "I Feel For You" by Chaka Khan. Don't know why, but I really dig those synthesizers.
kali: wow there are so many..
total eclipse of the heart - bonnie tyler
should i go on?
Ernie: I really like that song 'Cry' by Godley & Creme. They used that one in my favorite Miami Vice episode, the one with Ted Nugent in it. (Stop making fun of me).
Shawna: Cheesiest song I love (one of them anyway) is the Sugarhill Gang's Rapper's Delight. I just heard it on the radio a few days ago. I think I was 10 or 11 when it came out.
Part of me hates this song, and the other part of me can't pull away, kinda like looking at a really bad car accident.
BH: dude. rapper's delight is made of win.
Deb: I win, because right now I am listening to MAMBO No. 5.
But I do have two very (as in short bus) special songs that I try to blame on other people, that I have in constant rotation on my iPOD...
Love will keep us together (C&T) - this is one of my karaoke staples...
Cracklin Rosie get on board
It's my theme song.
Richard: I have tons of embarrassing tunes stuck in my head, but let's go with Laura Brannigan's "Gloria" for my not so guilty pleasure. If I were to karaoke I would tear that song up. The video is halaarious, coked up or whatever; she looks like she is dancing to a completely different song.
Travis: I blame this completely on my mother because she used to clean the house listening to this LP indefintiely but I know almost al of the songs from the Flashdance soundtrack.
Cullen: I like the Statler Brothers. There is not a Statler Brothers song I don't like.
Don't tell me I got nothing to do, dammit!
Pirate: OMG, I am going to say this and then hide. Forever. I lost my virginity with the soundtrack to Saturday Night Fever playing on SOMEONE ELSE'S boombox on a beach and well, you know....I hate myself for it.
Shes juicy and shes trouble
What you doin on your back aah?
So, Dean. The Gauntlet has been thrown, so to speak. Your challenge has been met and, I'm afraid to tell you, you have died a rather ungentlemanly death.
Now, help us out, faithful FTTW readers. Add yours to the list. We know you have no shame, either. We've seen the things you admitted to here before. Don't make us blackmail you.
Michele has been known to dance to Funkytown.