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You Say Tomato, I Say Clamato by Michele Christopher
We kind of stumbled onto the idea for this weekend's editors' picks. Well, let's be honest. We were all feeling a bit lazy today. So we took the lazy man's way out. Pre-fabricated questions, designed for quick, witty answers. Or quick, boring answers. Depends on your viewpoint, I guess. Anyhow, one of said, let's do the ten questions from that Actor's Studio show, and another one of us said, hey, we have our own ten questions. So we decided to do both. Because, really, you can never know too much about the editors of FTTW. No such thing as Too Much Information here. The more you know, the more you.......ok, enough filler. On with the questions (Dan and Turtle will post theirs tomorrow). These are from Bernard Pivot, and were stolen by that douche bag from Actor's Studio. 1. What is your favorite word?
3. What turns you on [creatively, spiritually or emotionally]? One of those things is not true. 4. What turns you off? 5. What is your favorite curse word? 8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? 9. What profession would you not like to do? 10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? And now for our Ten Quick Questions, which in no way are derivative of that other guy's questions. They are better, more fun and weren't stolen by a douche bag.
2. Zombies - undead monstrosity or the next logical step in human evolution ? 3. Young Elvis or Fat Elvis? 4. If you were a superhero, what would your name be?
5. You are the last man on earth, and it is your job to perpetuate the human race, whether you like it or not. Your choice of potential mates is between Wonder Woman, the Bionic Woman, Super Girl or Wilma Flintstone. Which one do you choose? Well, first I would have to adjust to the fact that I'm a man. I mean, you go ove 40 years walking around with a vagina and all, and suddenly you have a penis, that's gonna take some getting used to. Once I spent some time masturbating and peeing standing up and adjusting my balls, I'd take Wilma Flinstone into a dark alley and bang her like Fred never could because he was too damn fat to do it right. But I'd bang her just for fun. Because I'll be damned if I'm gonna repopulate the world with just one chick. That would mean that our kids would have to do each other in order to get humanity going again. That's gross. Then again, it's what Adam and Eve must of have done. And Noah. Once that ark hit dry land and they had to start over again...well, I don't really want to think about this. Humanity is going to die a sordid, lonely death before I repopulate it with inbreeding. The last thing Mother Earth would hear is Wilma screaming "Yabba Dabba Doo!" 6. What was your first car? 7. If you were going to show me around your city/town, where's the first place you would take me? 8. What's the last album you bought? 9. Do you have an arch enemy? Would you like one? 10 What's the title of the movie they are going to make about your teenage years? Alrighty. That's 20 questions asked and answered. And now you know more about me than my mother. Anyone else care to answer?
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Moot. I hate that word because it always sounds like you mean something else that you aren't saying right. It's like the noise a retarded owl would make. Or an owl that mated with a cow. Wouldn't that be something?
Stumble It!
Comments
Clamato makes Caesars! Caesars are awesome hangover drinks.
Posted by: baby huey | March 10, 2007 7:26 AM
1. gestalt. I don't even know what it means. It just sounds cool.
2. staircase. It's harsh, it sounds like something you don't want to walk on.
3. Playing a killer bass riff while naked.
4. Condescension
5. poophead
6. Mrs. Dave in Texas saying "you're gettin lucky tonight"
7. leaky toilets
8. A professor of literature at some small college in New Hampshire
9. construction
10. "Hey everybody! Dave's here"!
1. I'm Batman. Would you like to go to the BatCave with me? Would you?
2. Undead monstrosity. And they are all slow. Slow goddamit there are no fast zombies.
3. Fat Elvis. On a cheese diet.
4. Redundant Man Guy
5. Wonder Woman. Supergirl would be dangerous... I get her going just right and she accidentally rips my head off. Talk about a buzzkill.
6. a 65 Chrysler 300 with a 383 four barrel that purred
7. I would take you to the spring fed creek south of here and show you the mermaid statue, and get you to take your shoes off and step in the water because you won't believe how cold it is, even in August.
8. hmmm... Dire Straits Brothers in Arms. I needed it for a project and I think my kid ripped mine off. Kids!
9. I do not have an archenemy, but I would like one. Maybe a neighbor who gives me the bug eye for not killing weeds in the spring like he does.
Oh wait, I do have an archenemy.
10. He fooled them all.
Posted by: Dave in Texas | March 10, 2007 10:03 AM
1. What is your favorite word?
Plethora. It means there's too much.
2. What is your least favorite word?
No. I want what I want, when I want it.
3. What turns you on [creatively, spiritually or emotionally]?
Good guitar. Intelligent, witty and funny women. Practicing Tai Chi and I'm at a point where the form is doing me instead of me doing the form and I haven't lost it yet by thinking, "There it is."
4. What turns you off?
Arrogance. Stupidity. Hubris.
5. What is your favorite curse word?
Pussy. It's just so right...especially when it comes up to meet your hand like a friendly purring cat.
6. What sound or noise do you love?
My wife saying my name. My son's laugh. My step-daughter calling me Dad.
7. What sound or noise do you hate?
These days? Retreat being played at 10 P.M. on the base where we live. I've always said a prayer for the fallen when I hear it, and there have been far too many fallen.
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
I'd love to make a living acting.
9. What profession would you not like to do?
I'm currently looking for a job and I keep getting these notices for openings at the penetentiary...I couldn't be part of locking someone up.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
"Wanna go again?"
1. Who are you?
Tim, Timmer, TJ, Timmy Joe, fuckin' Tim 'n shit, Timster, the Tim-Meister, Tim bim bo bim, banana fanna fo fim, Timmah!!!
2. Zombies - undead monstrosity or the next logical step in human evolution?
Zombies are nothing compared to the undead Vampire Nation.
3. Young Elvis or Fat Elvis?
Buddy Holly.
4. If you were a superhero, what would your name be?
Iron Tongue.
5. You are the last man on earth, and it is your job to perpetuate the human race, whether you like it or not.
Supergirl as played by Helen Slater. 'cuz, YUM.
6. What was your first car?
'67 Malibu.
7. If you were going to show me around your city/town, where's the first place you would take me?
I'm going to go with Chicago, because there's nothing here to see. I'd take them down to the lake at Oak Street for sunrise. Watching the sun hit the skyscrapers first and then crawl down them as the sun comes up over the lake.
8. What's the last album you bought?
Real Live Roadrunning - Mark Knopfler and Emmy Lou Harris
9. Do you have an arch enemy? Would you like one?
Religious Extremists are enough, thanks.
10 What's the title of the movie they are going to make about your teenage years?
"The Parts of Chicago John Hughes Missed"
Posted by: Timmer | March 10, 2007 1:14 PM
Aw man I wanna do this. Do I actually have to be an editor? Am I the only person here who doesn't write an article?
Posted by: Tim | March 11, 2007 4:02 PM
Tim,
Jump on in. I was commenting here long before I was writing an article.
Posted by: Timmer | March 11, 2007 4:46 PM
1. What is your favorite word?
Destroy. Mostly in the phrase "destroys the universe".
2. What is your least favorite word?
Chill or any permutation. "Yah brah, let's put on the new Dave Matthews and chill". Fuck!
3. What turns you on [creatively, spiritually or emotionally]?
Glasses, comic book knowledge, Ramones t-shirts, long hair, Fun House by the Stooges.
4. What turns you off?
Fashion, conservatism, thinking Garden State is a good movie, indie pop.
5. What is your favorite curse word?
Fucked, works better than fucked up.
6. What sound or noise do you love?
the "wrmmmp" the springs on my bed make when I dive into it.
7. What sound or noise do you hate?
the word "myspace" coming from anyone.
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Well I've never had a job so I think I'd go with acting or band being in.
9. What profession would you not like to do?
SURGERY.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
"The cool people are that way."
1. Who are you?
Less of Tim than the other apparently.
2. Zombies - undead monstrosity or the next logical step in human evolution?
More like easy work for my Cleric.
3. Young Elvis or Fat Elvis?
Chuck Berry. Promised Land was the only Elvis song I ever liked until I found out it was by Chuck Berry.
4. If you were a superhero, what would your name be?
BatSpiderDareDevilMan.
5. You are the last man on earth, and it is your job to perpetuate the human race, whether you like it or not.
This question suffers from Marvel defiecency. Kitty Pride. Definetly.
6. What was your first car?
Haven't had one yet. Heck I barely know how to drive.
7. If you were going to show me around your city/town, where's the first place you would take me?
My friend Ian's house, cause that's where all the fun is.
8. What's the last album you bought?
Raw Power by the Stooges.
9. Do you have an arch enemy? Would you like one?
One? There's millions of them in every high school and college in America! Their sandals and cargo shorts taking over this planet.
10 What's the title of the movie they are going to make about your teenage years?
"Moping, Punk Rock, and No Girlfriends".
Posted by: Tim | March 11, 2007 4:59 PM