by Travis Gruber

di·ver·si·fi·ca·tion - Show Spelled Pronunciation[di-vur-suh-fi-key-shuhn, dahy-]


1. the act or process of diversifying; state of being diversified.

2. the act or practice of manufacturing a variety of products, investing in a variety of securities, selling a variety of merchandise, etc., so that a failure in or an economic slump affecting one of them will not be disastrous.

As I get older I begin feeling the twinge of ideas that I once thought belonged specifically to a group of individuals that I am not. That group would be adults. I've never been able to identify with adults/grown ups/mature people because their lifestyles and priorities always seemed foreign to me. Not foreign like Chinese food; foreign like trying to decode the ancient scribblings of a long gone society - that's super foreign. These entities would throw out terms and tricks of verse that would confound and confuse me. They talk about APRs, CDs (no, dear friends, that's not what you think; that means Certificate of Deposit - I found that out because I just about slapped the mouth off an adult I overheard saying they bought a CD for $15,000). They discuss the virtues of mutual funds and stock portfolios and the all important "diversification".

Diversification is a term I understand because a friend once told me, upon looking into my fridge and seeing only one type of beer, that I needed to diversify my alcoholic selection. Which is always a wise idea. But the diversification that these "adults" speak of is not that of having more than one type of Vodka. Nor is it trying to reach an equilibrium between the amount of Penthouse, Playboy and Hustler that occupy your book shelf. They speak of investments and ensuring that you have a wide variety "baskets" in which to place your monetary "eggs". The more diverse your investment portfolio is the better chance you have of raking in "the mad cash".

And I come before you today with an opportunity, nay a calling, nay (yet again) a divine summons regarding an aforementioned "basket" in which to place said monetary "eggs" which will allow you to rake in "the mad cash". I now, humbly yet full of hope, present to you:

Click for larger version and explanation.


Simply put: It Is Divinity.

If god were to reach down and touch the earth with a loving finger; from that spot would spring forth an unquenchable well of all things man and titties related. It is the shining light of a universe that seeks to pussify and make politically correct all it sees.

It Is Hope.

It Is Beautiful.

It Is Topless.

The opportunity now exists for you, dear readers, to get in on the ground floor of the ninth wonder of the world (Andre The Giant was the eighth) and assist me in bringing this dream to life. It's an opportunity for investment. It's an opportunity for diversification. It's an opportunity to be as close to the divine as one can achieve before shuffling off this mortal coil. My contact information can be found here.

Travis's new slogan will be Topless or Bust.

as the toys go winding down



Um, Travis, didn't Hugh Heffner already do this? I think it was called "The Playboy Mansion"...


Oh his had naked chicks, but none of the other stuff. THink of it as if the playboy mansion was attached to a naked chick theme park.


Okay, I give you that. Now, if you really want to diversify, you have to also create the women's version, staffed by gorgeous hunks in very revealing g-strings (sorry, naked limp dicks are not sexy, but speculating about men's packages is very entertaining). It would have to have a beach for sunbathing and swimming, full massage services, bars and NO MIRRORS!


Ok, first of all. Not everybody gets to actually GO to the Playboy mansion, so that does not count.


Will it have one of those indoor race-tracks? Because that would RULE. And a Subway would be nice too.



Picture in your head everything you've ever wanted to do, all in one place, and all of these events are staffed by nekkid women.

Anything you can think of and titties to boot.


No Subways, we want MAN FOOD!

The Megaplex Food Court would include:

A pizza joint with both New York and Chicago Style Pizza, and nothing else, fuck the rest, they don't count.

Ribs. And by ribs I mean pork ribs smoked for hours/days with sauce on the side.

Gyros and/or Doner Kababs.

Philly Cheese Steaks.

Good beer and I mean both alcoholic for those who can hang and good, non-alcoholic beer for those who can't. None of that O'Douls bullshit, I want at least a Kaliber.

Throw in a Texas Roadhouse Steak joint and I think we're set.


now that's the spirit


As long as I can get a good sammitch I am happy.


Indoor gun range that allows automatic weapons, flamethowers, rocket launchers AND booze.

Fully-stocked power tool shop where you can demo every tool.

Lazy-boy recliners, everywhere. Especially at the gun range. Firing automatic weapons from your lazy boy while guzzling beer and doing shots. Ammo and booze provided by nekkid wimmins:)


Dude, you forgot to mention wrestling. With naked chicks.


i'll sign on for quality control since no one else seems to want it. plus, i'm an ordained reverend. and i love breasteses.


I volunteer to be the "house mother" for the girls. Or something like that. Because I love breasteses too.



You make me so proud.


Truly Michele, brings a tear to my eye.


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