by Travis Gruber
di·ver·si·fi·ca·tion - Show Spelled Pronunciation[di-vur-suh-fi-key-shuhn, dahy-] –noun 1. the act or process of diversifying; state of being diversified. 2. the act or practice of manufacturing a variety of products, investing in a variety of securities, selling a variety of merchandise, etc., so that a failure in or an economic slump affecting one of them will not be disastrous.
1. the act or process of diversifying; state of being diversified.
2. the act or practice of manufacturing a variety of products, investing in a variety of securities, selling a variety of merchandise, etc., so that a failure in or an economic slump affecting one of them will not be disastrous.
As I get older I begin feeling the twinge of ideas that I once thought belonged specifically to a group of individuals that I am not. That group would be adults. I've never been able to identify with adults/grown ups/mature people because their lifestyles and priorities always seemed foreign to me. Not foreign like Chinese food; foreign like trying to decode the ancient scribblings of a long gone society - that's super foreign. These entities would throw out terms and tricks of verse that would confound and confuse me. They talk about APRs, CDs (no, dear friends, that's not what you think; that means Certificate of Deposit - I found that out because I just about slapped the mouth off an adult I overheard saying they bought a CD for $15,000). They discuss the virtues of mutual funds and stock portfolios and the all important "diversification".
Diversification is a term I understand because a friend once told me, upon looking into my fridge and seeing only one type of beer, that I needed to diversify my alcoholic selection. Which is always a wise idea. But the diversification that these "adults" speak of is not that of having more than one type of Vodka. Nor is it trying to reach an equilibrium between the amount of Penthouse, Playboy and Hustler that occupy your book shelf. They speak of investments and ensuring that you have a wide variety "baskets" in which to place your monetary "eggs". The more diverse your investment portfolio is the better chance you have of raking in "the mad cash".
And I come before you today with an opportunity, nay a calling, nay (yet again) a divine summons regarding an aforementioned "basket" in which to place said monetary "eggs" which will allow you to rake in "the mad cash". I now, humbly yet full of hope, present to you:
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What is MANTOWN MEGAPLEX?
Simply put: It Is Divinity.
If god were to reach down and touch the earth with a loving finger; from that spot would spring forth an unquenchable well of all things man and titties related. It is the shining light of a universe that seeks to pussify and make politically correct all it sees.
It Is Hope.
It Is Beautiful.
It Is Topless.
The opportunity now exists for you, dear readers, to get in on the ground floor of the ninth wonder of the world (Andre The Giant was the eighth) and assist me in bringing this dream to life. It's an opportunity for investment. It's an opportunity for diversification. It's an opportunity to be as close to the divine as one can achieve before shuffling off this mortal coil. My contact information can be found here.
Travis's new slogan will be Topless or Bust.
as the toys go winding down