Justin Timberlake's Balls
by Michele Christopher

Mama I don't know if I'm ever coming home. So begins another edition of a long forgotten column that we used to like type out and stuff that we really enjoyed. So we decided to start it again. Cause we do that. This is a pretty simple one. We hit play on the ye ol' music box and tell you what comes out and why we like it or in some cases, why the fuck it is on in the first place. We have no secrets and no shame. We encourage others to do the same. Total openness and honesty will set you free. Join us now in a trip from Souther Oakland to Southern Uganda as we bring back one of our favorites....How Much We Really Liked Jim Jones.

So sit around for awhile and remember this once great and powerful man.

The Reverend Jim Jones.

Jimmy was born a poor child with....no really, what we are talking about is What's Playing Now.

We tell you what is on and then take your abuse or accolades (shit, I am writing some big words today) and let the cards fall where they may. Cause it's always raining on Tuesday and amateur porn is found in corn fields....so let's go.

My pick first......cause I can do that.

Hand_of_God_goal.jpgThe Business - Maradona

Oh wow. The Business. Lemmie guess. Maradona is probably a soccer player. Or something soccer related. Or he was a hooligan. Or he was a coach in the last Euro. Maybe a referee.

Well, I'll let you figure it out.

Whatever you sniffed you wanted more
Now you can only score with a whore
All supplied by the hand of god
Out of the cup that's the way it goes
Shouldn't have had a bucket of charlie up your nose
All supplied by the hand of god

Maradona...You're shit
Maradona...You're shit

Oh yeah. That Maradona. "The Hand Of God" Maradona. Jeez. I'm not even English and I hate that fucker.

Welcome to The Business. Not only will they tell you why they hate ever god damn Brazilian player, Italian player and German player, they will sing it in a way that if you don't agree with them, they, alongside of about 30 skinheads, will beat the living shit out of you. Good time music. The best part about The Business is the way they talk. Jesus fuck, these guys are incomprehensible ('nother big word for those of you counting). Add a few beers in them and it seems as if you are listening to some sort of weird leprechaun language that comes straight out of da hood. Having a translator for an Englishman is kind of a sad thing. But I love the band. I learn about everything that happened in English Premier League by buying their albums. Not like a care about the teams that much, but one thing that I did learn from them is that Southgate really sucks and they don't like him, her or it.

The Business is better than the sports section of your local paper. - T

Michele goes next. Cause she can do that.

So we're back to this. Me telling you what I'm listening to. And you making fun of me. I listen to a lot of good stuff, but when you have 5,000 songs on your winamp and you hit random, it's not always going to be punk rock and metal that comes up. Because I'm more complicated than that. There's other stuff in there like Broadway tunes and classic rock and lots of emo and hip hop and movie scores. And....other stuff. Like what, you ask? What could be worse than some of the stuff I've already admitted listening to in past columns? What could make me be hesitant to tell you what I am grooving to at this very moment. What, in fact, I have been grooving to for about a month now, with absolutely no shame?

jt111.jpgI'll tell you.

I'm listening to Justin Timberlake.

I'm going to come out to you right now and say it. I love him. Not in a "I want to be your concubine and have your love child" way. More like, I just dig him. I think he's talented and funny (ever see him on SNL?) and charming and his music makes me shake like I've got ants in my pants.

I'm currently enjoying "Sexy Back" but I have also been rump-shaking to some of his older stuff like "Rock Your Body" and more songs from the latest album.

It's groovy. It's funky. It's got a good beat and god damn it, I can shake my ass to it.

You know damn well that you have musical skeletons in your closet. At least I bring mine out for everyone to see. You may want to say snarky things to me about my love of JT, but I don't see you coming clean about your Air Supply albums. I don't see you raising your hand when I ask who was into Damn Yankees back in the day. No, I have balls. You don't. So don't you be making fun of me when you hide your shame underneath a pile of blankets in your bedroom closet.

Maybe you love JT, too.

Maybe you are glad sexy's back.

Maybe you can join hands with me and say:

If sexy never left, then why's everybody on my shit?

I leave you with one of the greatest things Mr. Timberlake has ever done. How can you not love this guy? -M

Dan has been doing Scotchguard powered bongs.

Oh I love this shit. Getting caught with what you're listening to right fucking now. The action, the suspense, the humiliation of it all.

I've been having a good Friday evening; there are a few people over and we're having an average weekend. Chinese food was ordered but I needed to hit the store for smokes. Threw on the headphones, got the smokes and got back home. Then I read the email telling me that I needed to come clean, and I couldn't help but wonder what I was listening to five minutes ago.

thepod.jpg What do I got? Pork Roll Egg And Cheese by Ween.

Mama if you please
pass me the pork roll egg and cheese
if you please
on a kaiser bun

That's exactly what I need to hear when I am out of smokes and waiting for Chinese food on a Friday night. You know? Ween has been with me for a long time. Each of their albums has a different feel but they're all unmistakably Ween. They've had their brushes with fame and their share of stupid fans, but it's really hard to denigrate their work. Holy shit, they have a song called Pollo Assada, a song that's comprised of people ordering food at a mexican fast food drive thru, and I love it. One of my favourites. That probably says more about....

Anyway, for the state of mind that I'm usually in when I listen to Ween, they still sound great when you're in a normal state of mind. I also have a lot of great memories that I associate with Ween from when I was in another state of mind. Whatever that might mean. I admit nothing. You know. Right. -D

So that is it. some of us are proud of what we listen to and others just kinda let it roll. Hey hell, we can do that. After all, I didn't bother to go into work tonight cause my testicles wanted a nap. Not that that means anything to this column...I just wanted to say my balls were tired. So I didn't go into work.

Since we already have four columns dedicated to me and my balls, we turn this column over to you and your music.

Whatcha listening to?

/This is where we also find cool new music from you so feel free to tell us what is cool and new and what we have been missing.

What's Playing Archives


I just rediscovered the goodness that is King Missile. Songs about the evil children, detatchable penii, pushing old people into traffic and defiling Martin Scorsese. Good stuff.


Martin Scorcese is my favorite song of theirs.



Michele, I worked in a record store during Justin's NStink phase and I hated it because it was the right thing to do.

Then Toronto got hit with SARS a few years ago and there was a benefit concert staged; SARSstock, with everyone from the Isley Brothers to the Stones playing. Justin Timberlake was on the roster.... he played a one day festival with bands like the Stones and AC/DC.

Watch the footage and you can see the guy, sitting at his piano and banging out R&B as if it's the last thing he's ever going to do, while AC/DC fans throw bottles at his head. He hardly looks up, he just dodges the bottles and keeps on playing. I gained a whole lot of respect for the guy that day.

Dick In A Box validated it all.

I found respect for the cat that day.


I LOVE JT. No shame here

holy shit i love the SNL clip. thank you


I've been listening to Ween non-stop this week. In 1993, Pure Guava was my 1st taste, and I've been addicted every since.

"Well then, I'll take two carne asado tacos"

I always think of that song when I eat at the local, family-owned Mexican restaurant.


I thought I was the only one. Timberlake's appearance on SNL completely changed my mind about him. He's got the funny.

Saw Box in a Box on YouTube awhile ago.

I'm in a BoDeans mood this morning. Which makes a weird background for "The Crow, Wicked Prayer" which is on SciFi this morning. What the HELL happened to that story? When did Indians come into the mythology?


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