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The Great Turtle Race
by Turtle Jones
Yes. Yes it is true. Sometimes we care. Sometimes we don't know what we care about until it is forwarded to us by a FTTW writer (Thanks, Ernie!) but sometimes it happens. We actually give a shit about something other than ourselves and our last cigarettes for more than one day a year.
Sure, it helps us to care if we can have some fun with what we are caring about, but technically, it is still caring. So today's "We care a lot" moment goes to the turtles. Specifically, the Leatherneck Turtle.
Kickass name, eh?
Turtles. Racing. To the Galapagos Islands. 14 days. That is funny.
But was it really funny? The only reason the race and website were created was because the turtles were almost extinct?!?!?!
Well that's a god damn comedy killer right there.
But what could we do? We read a little more....
"Eleven critically endangered leatherback turtles, each of them are over six feet long, race from a golden Costa Rican beach into the vast Pacific. Each is tagged with a revolutionary satellite tracking device, and the race is on. Which turtle will cross the finish line first in the 14-day race towards the Galapagos Islands?"
For millions of years these turtles have been able to survive in the oceans, lay their eggs on the beaches and repeat the cycle of life. Unfortunately, leatherbacks are in danger of extinction and are declining at an alarming rate. Leatherbacks in the Pacific Ocean have declined more than 90 percent in the past 20 years.
See. Right there.
Comedy fucking killer.
But how can we have some fun with this? Well, we really can't make any "ha ha" jokes but we can still have a little fun by picking out a turtle we think will win, show the progress on the main page of FTTW, donate some money and watch him go!
Well we found the cool one. The cool looking one. But she turned out to be a girl. That's ok though. We could work around that. Then we found out it was her first year making the charge. A rookie. Well, that's ok, too, I guess. I mean, what the fuck? Let's see what this broad can do, right?
So here she is.
The call her Turtleocity on the official site, but since she is now on the FTTW side, we will name her any damn thing she wants to be called and we will fuck anyone over who fucks with our turtle.
Throughout the 14 day race, we will be updating you all on Turtleocity's progress, informing you of the whereabouts of the other turtles and generally be rooting Lil' Turtleocity on everyday while encouraging you to get into the spirit and just enjoy watching Lil' Turtleocity mop the god damn carpet with these other turtles.
We take our turtle races seriously.
And we watch our own.
GO Lil' Turtleocity!!!