Welcome to FTTW's Fashion Police! I'm Officer Jo and you can meet me and Bonnie here each week where you can come here to see the week's funniest Fashion faux pauxs worn and survived by some of today's greastest known celebrities!

As an opener we're going to start by tearing the shreads the endless fun that is - Hotel Heiress Paris Hilton!

Oh YES! Not only is she worth tons o' mula!, but she's into fashion! Paris has already managed to party her way onto the covers of magazines and into some of the worst fashions ever. Having a body like an anorexic Barbie doll, she's the perfect wire-hanger model, but it seems that Paris can only manage to look utterly fabulous when she's dressed by someone else.

She has managed to have a tiny career as a celebrity, mostly because she could party with everyone she wanted to, but has garnered the title of "Fashion Icon" before the age of 30. I have to ask myself "WHAT?!" When I think of a fashion icon, I think of women like Jackie O, Marylin Monroe, or even MaDonna. How did this waifer-thin girl get this iconic legendary title? ---maybe daddy's bought it for her.

So this week we salute Paris Hilton in our Fashion Police, for managing to NOT get arrested for the atrocities that she manages to drape over her little body daily. You'd think a supermodel would have slapped her by now.

"UPDATE IN FASHION: Apparently Paris won't be worrying much about her Fashion faux paus since Fridays headlines mentioned that Miss Hilton will be doing JAIL TIME for a little while. Hope you B&W stripes, Paris!"

Top 5 - Celebrity Gossip Wrap-Up from the week of 4/30

5. Larry Birkhead brings Dannielynn home from the Bahamas. The "doting" father then did what any other loving father would have done after finally getting custody of their child after 7 months - headed off to the racetrack!! Let's keep our eye's on this father-daughter relationship!

4. Almost every celebrity who is or is trying to be a scientologist is chiming in on the marriage of Tom and Katie. The Zombie Bride and her Couch Jumping Husband have been under speculation these past few weeks that their marriage is on the rocks....not so say their friends! Katie makes chocolate covered popcorn for their movie nights! Doesn't get more solid than that!

3. Britney Spears put her ass into motion again this week doing what got her famous in the fist place...no, not wearing pig-tales and making old men feel funny "down there". She "performed three "top secret" concerts around town. My idea of a concert actually would involve live singing, which Brit decided not to do. She lip-synched her way through a bunch of her old songs while prancing around in fishnets and a bra. I guess she was trying out her new dance moves before she actually attempts to sing and dance at the same time.

2. This week David Hasselhoff had his teenage daughter video tape him while in a drunken stupor. Now while this might seem fun and cool in college, when your wife is divorcing you and telling the world that you abused you and your children, this might not have been on the top ten best ways to conduct yourself. He is now saying he needs an exorcist to rid him of his alcoholism....somebody find this guy an AA meeting...who has Mel Gibson's number?

1. And the number one story of this week occurred late on Friday - Paris Hilton will be spending some time, to the tune of 45 days, in a L.A. Jail for violating her probation from a DUI arrest last year. We'll see if the little darling spends even a second in the slammer. Please insert all sex-jail related jokes into the comments!! I'm sure she'll accessorize that little jumpsuit up just fine!

We'll keep you updated on all of these and every other ridiculous thing that celebrities do in the upcoming week! Enjoy - and watch out for the papparazzi!

Jo writes Amie, Bonnie is the author of Raising Hell. Together, they fight fashion and celebrity crime.

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