Thursday will mark the first birthday of Faster Than The World. We'll be celebrating all week, so keep checking here because we have some fun contests to go along with the celebration.

Each of the authors of FTTW has taken the time to write a "how they got here" story of how they came to be part of this site. Maybe some of these stories are not true at all. Maybe. Maybe some of our authors spent too much time at the FTTW moonshine still. We are not responsible for the accuracy of their tales. But we are responsible for them being here, and no matter what, we're proud of that.

We'll post a few of these a day.

-M/T

Uberchief, author of Uber's Corner and An Audience of Shadows:

The summer before my senior year of college, I decided that spending three years becoming a psychologist would kind of get in the way of my drinking, so I decided to become a writer. After spending the year writing two novels (don't ask, they both suck) I found an eight to five job as an editor, which I figured was a perfect job for a writer. As an editor, I had a lot of down time waiting for people to get work to me so I could stay late and finish looking at it for them, so with the help of a friend, I stumbled across TotalFark.

Turtle and I continually crossed tracks in the threads, and he is honestly one of the funniest motherfuckers I've ever known. I got to know Michele in some of the threads, and if I remember correctly, she kept me in line. Then one day, I was off work and "relaxing," and cruising TotalFark, and everything on there was completely stupid, so I started writing ridiculous fables about animals who killed their parents, committed sodomy, and knowingly passed on STDs to each other, and posting them in random threads.

Pretty soon, Uber's Corner was born, where I gave people advice through my fables. Not long after that, I got the invitation from turtle and michele. Uber's Corner about to bite the dust, because there's no way I'm going to spend time on that when I can work on FTTW.

This site embraces the spirit of the Internet. We are pioneers in the new world of writing. Fifty years ago, it was pulp. Now, it's us, at home, with keyboards and connections, delivering words and ideas of inspiration to the world, to which we owe so much--NAY!--to which we owe, OUR LIVES.

NOW SALUTE THE FLAG MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

(we are going to have a "design the FTTW flag" contest this week, so look for that).

The Pirate, author of Any Port in the Storm

A few months ago, my employer found my blog. I had a fair amount of work-related stuff in there so I paniced, deleted the blog and completely freaked out about not being able to write. Enter Travis; the voice of wisdom and reason, suggesting FTTW. A week later I was here.

Or Alternately...

While on a business trip to Easter Island for a friend of mine who used to work in the midget porn industry (but now imports casket wood from Easter Island), I stopped in Santiago. There, I was arrested for mastrubating in the bathroom of an oxygen bar by a couple of Chilean soldiers. It seems my fevered moaning interrupted a secret tryst and they were extremely upset. At my trial, I learned one of the soldiers was second-cousin to the magistrate. I was sentenced to 5 years hard labor at a rubber tree plantation. Over the next six months I kiestered enough rubber to construct a rubber raft and eventually floated down the nearest river to the Pacific. After floating around for 79 days, I was rescued by an Indonesian Freighter bound for New York. Eventually, I found myself panhandling on Broadway. I would recite dirty poetry for pennies. Turtle heard me, dropped in a nickel and told me to look up FTTW if I ever made it off the streets.

Yeah.

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So that's the first two of many interesting stories. Stay tuned for the rest and stick around for a lot of birthday excitement this week on Faster Than the World.

And thanks for hanging out with us.

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