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Lovemonkey Proposes Mandatory Helmet Law
for Donut Shop Counter Clerks
by Lovemonkey Jolie
Dumb people are not usually rich.
I mean, it happens just like other things "happen" but it's not the norm. And I think I've discovered why.
It's only natural for people to gravitate to like minded people because of the comfort level. Hence dumb people will be drawn to places that employ many many equally if not even more dumb people. Case in point: Dunkin' Donuts. Just the name of that place says dumb. People who leave the g of the ing aren't usually geniuses. I'm just saying.
Anyway, Dunkin' Donuts doesn't have a educational requirement for their counter clerk positions, nor do they have an English-speaking requirement. And I do believe it's ok if you can't count. Pretty much if you can manage to get yourself to work you're hired.
What's my excuse for going there you might say and you'd be right to ask that question. Well it's very close to my work and I work in one of those towns where the tumbleweed blows across the dirt roads, the sheriff is also the mailman and the barber and there isn't a Starbucks in sight.
So the other day I went in to get my usual. Since I order the same thing every day I know exactly what the total cost of my order will be. $3.75. The clerk says "That'll be $5.50." I correct her and she apologizes. I hand her a 20 dollar bill and she promptly gives me back change for a 10. I correct her and she apologizes.
You see? A dumb person would have paid 15.50 for a bagel toasted with cream cheese on the side and a small regular coffee. Say this or something similar happens once a week - and this person will stand to lose approximately $800 a year due to stupidity. And that's if it only happens once a week and if the loss is minimal. I mean, imagine.
Now in this example it's clear to see that the counter clerk wasn't the brightest bulb on the tree either, so we can safely assume that she's regularly on the receiving end of these kind of blunders too. Now, let's say this woman works 30 hours a week. I say 30 because there is NO way Dunkin' Donuts is paying for employee benefits. Ok. 30 hours a week @ 7.50 hr = approximately $9,300 after taxes per year.
This person cannot afford to be stupid.
I hate people who complain about situations and don't even offer one proposed solution. So here's mine.
If you are a stupid person and want to at least make change and read big words:
(a) The next time you're unemployed, you should take advantage of the State Unemployment office's re-training program aka - school. It's free, it's dumbed down, and you can continue to collect benefits while you attend.
(b) lay off the booze and cut down on the crack.
(c) read a lot of stuff you don't understand. Like the newspaper. If you read a word enough times, you'll start to have a vague idea of what it means. (definition)
(d) watch children's educational programs while you're home during the day to improve your math skills.
(e) hang around bookstores rather than bars and eavesdrop on intelligent conversations
(f) carry a calculator
(g) eat lots of fish
Ok. One world problem solved. Off to solve countless more.