Lovemonkey Proposes Mandatory Helmet Law
for Donut Shop Counter Clerks
by Lovemonkey Jolie

Dumb people are not usually rich.

I mean, it happens just like other things "happen" but it's not the norm. And I think I've discovered why.

It's only natural for people to gravitate to like minded people because of the comfort level. Hence dumb people will be drawn to places that employ many many equally if not even more dumb people. Case in point: Dunkin' Donuts. Just the name of that place says dumb. People who leave the g of the ing aren't usually geniuses. I'm just saying.

Anyway, Dunkin' Donuts doesn't have a educational requirement for their counter clerk positions, nor do they have an English-speaking requirement. And I do believe it's ok if you can't count. Pretty much if you can manage to get yourself to work you're hired.

What's my excuse for going there you might say and you'd be right to ask that question. Well it's very close to my work and I work in one of those towns where the tumbleweed blows across the dirt roads, the sheriff is also the mailman and the barber and there isn't a Starbucks in sight.

That's why.

So the other day I went in to get my usual. Since I order the same thing every day I know exactly what the total cost of my order will be. $3.75. The clerk says "That'll be $5.50." I correct her and she apologizes. I hand her a 20 dollar bill and she promptly gives me back change for a 10. I correct her and she apologizes.

dunkin.jpgYou see? A dumb person would have paid 15.50 for a bagel toasted with cream cheese on the side and a small regular coffee. Say this or something similar happens once a week - and this person will stand to lose approximately $800 a year due to stupidity. And that's if it only happens once a week and if the loss is minimal. I mean, imagine.

Now in this example it's clear to see that the counter clerk wasn't the brightest bulb on the tree either, so we can safely assume that she's regularly on the receiving end of these kind of blunders too. Now, let's say this woman works 30 hours a week. I say 30 because there is NO way Dunkin' Donuts is paying for employee benefits. Ok. 30 hours a week @ 7.50 hr = approximately $9,300 after taxes per year.

This person cannot afford to be stupid.

I hate people who complain about situations and don't even offer one proposed solution. So here's mine.

If you are a stupid person and want to at least make change and read big words:

(a) The next time you're unemployed, you should take advantage of the State Unemployment office's re-training program aka - school. It's free, it's dumbed down, and you can continue to collect benefits while you attend.

(b) lay off the booze and cut down on the crack.

(c) read a lot of stuff you don't understand. Like the newspaper. If you read a word enough times, you'll start to have a vague idea of what it means. (definition)

(d) watch children's educational programs while you're home during the day to improve your math skills.

(e) hang around bookstores rather than bars and eavesdrop on intelligent conversations

(f) carry a calculator

(g) eat lots of fish

Ok. One world problem solved. Off to solve countless more.

This editor's daughter worked at Dunkin' Donuts for two years. Just sayin.



I know Dunkin Donut clerks that are honor students. And I know judges that are dumb as a bag of rocks.



I worked at DD for around 10 years total. I used to own one and I have to both agree and disagree.
DD is the lowest rung on the employment totem pole. It just is. Look at the stuff they use, it's all idiot proofed and yet, DD employees prove the maxim that if you idiot proof something somebody will just build a better idiot.
To make coffee all you have to do is put a filter paper in the filter and then put the filter in a slot, press a button and then put the filter on the coffee maker and press a button. I don't want to discuss how many times they've either not pressed the button and asked me what was wrong or missed the slot and had coffee spew all over the place, forgot the filter or pressed it twice and wondered why the coffee overflowed.
But the reason I also disagree is that DD is also one of the easiest places for employees to steal. There is no real inventory. You don't make numbers of doughnuts, you make lbs of dough and the variation in numbers of doughnuts in 100lbs is pretty high. Ditto coffee as some people like lots of cream, some none so 1 lb of coffee doesn't make the same number of cups sold every time (even though it makes the same amount of cofee every time, theoritically)
Not ringing stuff up is the easiest way to steal, but you can get caught if somebody notices. Another way is to overcharge or give back the wrong change.
DD employees in many cases just get used to theiving. In some cases, it gets so rampant that entire staffs have to be fired as one starts it, another sees it works and the rest join in.
They figure that it only costs about 20 cents to make a dozen doughnuts so they're only stealing 20 cents. But, they're stealing the $4 that the customer paid and, while the material costs 20 cents, the upkeep on the store costs a lot (franchise fees are pretty darn high).

So in DD, if you blame it on stupidity you are probably right. But, if you blame it on dishonesty you have a pretty good chance of being right as well.

One more thing, is there an Intertubes law that states that whenever you make fun of someone's spelling you have to have a spelling mistake in the sentence?
who leave the g of the ing aren't usually geniuses
Just curious.


I worked at DD when I was 17. I got fired because I had asked for 2 days off to go see my boyfriend perform in his first college concert in Boston. When I returned to work I was informed that I didn't work there anymore. My assistant manager had not put my days off on the calendar, so my manager assumed I had just not shown up to work.

My assistant manager was a dumbass. Today she's working at Wendy's.


Can't comment on the workers, but back in the day, I'd crawl over broken glass for a DD angel creme doughnut. God bless the person who thought to fill a doughnut with frosting!


I go to Dunkins a lot. And I know where all the good ones are and where all the bad ones are. I even have a Dunkins ratings scale.

I like coffee.


So this is like a Tim Horton's right?

Double Double with a Dutchie.


I objec t you contentio tha peopl wh leav th las lette of th en o eac wor ar stupi.

You'r th on who' stupi.


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