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Let's Get Coup De Main with Andy Pettite and Tim Lincecum
- Soundtrack by Mansun
by Jim Sells
If the term in the title baffles you, Wikipedia is a few keystrokes away!
Godamighty, the entire world gets sensitive and now Gary Sheffield opens his maw and swallows his foot. That is impressive and definitely NOT in the job description. Nineteen year veteran, nine-time All Star, batting title . . . this is not the guy who needs to be on a sudden shoe leather diet. MLB's Specialist for Media Relations, Michael Teevan, must be on an ethanol binge after this fiasco. Gary Sheffield is like gas stored in a plastic gas can sitting in the hot sunlight - it's just a matter of time before there is a spectacular explosion . . .
The trade market is supposedly heating up with Adam Dunn, Mark Buehrle, and Mark Teixeira topping the wish lists of GMs everywhere. This is where the Domino Theory is applicable - the first move, be it for Dunn or Dontrelle Willis, will set all other objects in motion. Inertia and potential energy are BIG concepts in MLB and ready to pop up at any time. Add the insanity of a GM floating on the fringes of the wild-card race to that and you have an incredibly nonsensical scenario. The quiet move may be the best in this year's market . . .
The Braves refuse to go away and have an ass-whipping stored up for Ted Lilly. What a punk. No wonder he goes through organizations like shit through a goose . . . the Deathwatch is ON! Joe Crede has to have back surgery and no one on that team can hit. Hey Ozzie, c'mon man, it's Three Mile Island time! Nothing else this team brings to the park is worth watching, so give the people what they want (pause to give props to Ray Davies). Spanglish curses, short-man syndrome . . . the REAL OzzFest! The Phillies are losing Freddie Garcia right as Jon Leiber is getting red-hot. Too bad; they had the ability to make the NL East very interesting . . .
There's no real reason that I pulled Mansun out to pimp out to my seven readers, God love you each and all! Here's the deal: no one here in America has heard "Attack of the Grey Lantern", have you? Get it and listen. It bumped Blur from the Number One slot when Britpop had a stranglehold (TED!) on the British charts. Then, once you regain your bearings, check out "Six" which is disturbed, flawed and brilliant all at once. Paul Draper has admitted using as many drugs as anyone I know and "Six" revels in that, pharmaceutically outshining Duran Duran or Tears For Fears or any other British band whose vision outstripped their reach .
Enough gushing. And truly, if you are baffled by the title, please, please go read a book. Your mind is small and your stream is weak. This coming from an Nth-generation hillbilly . . . Go Tribe! Grady Sizemore for Prez! Jake Peavy Is God (move over, Clapton).
Later y’all. I’m off to see the Wizard.