Some days are like diamonds and some days are like shit. Today was one of those days that felt like shitting diamonds. And not like those good diamond you always wanted to buy your girlfriends if you could just give up your crack habit. Today was a big inexpensive cubic zirconian shitting day. So big and so cheap, I might just as well been shitting coal. Coal from the back woods of West Virgina. Like I could almost hear Loretta Lynn singing about how her daddy died of black lung and her momma fed her corn grits mixed with grubs. Such a day like this, I needed to share it with my people. Like the smell that overwhelms family functions when Aunt Shirley eats too much BBQ, I must spread my stench of bad dayness over you. To feel my pain. Like coal shitting pain. See above for better description of said coal shitting...
Anyways, they ran out of French Vanilla creamer for my coffee at my work.
It sucked.
Coal shitting sucked.
But other than that it was an ok day.
I found out my nose is capable of producing bigger quantities of edible food than the cafeteria downstairs. So if I ever get stuck like in a desert or something, I think I might be ok tummywise....
So maybe my day wasn't coal shitting bad. Maybe just a diamond shitting day. Which is still pretty bad if you think about it. Unless you were a diamond miner. In that case I would just follow my ass around all day with a bag hiding my French Vanilla creamer.
I don't like Loretta Lynn or her daughter.
- Turtle