Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim...

I know billionaires can afford the good crack, but you’re going to have to share some of it with the NHL Board of Governors if you want them to go along with your plan.

Move a team.

An American team.

To Canada. To Hamilton (Ontario)?

Seriously, REALLY good crack.

Just incase your flunkies haven’t laid it out for you, here are the facts:

1) Like Bettman is ever going to let you move one of his precious expansion teams, to CANADA. You know he hates Canada right?

2) Nashville is not going to let the team out of their lease (up in 2011) without a HUGE fight. The Preds can get out of their lease if it can be shown that only 14,000 (or less) seats have been sold per game. Trouble is there is a clause that lets the city of Nashville buy up the extra tickets if they want to. They want to and have already said as much. They’ll make more money on the deal if you have to buy them out.

3) While I would LOVE to have a NHL team in my (literal) back yard, that would give Southern Ontario THREE (3) teams within TWO (2) hours of each other (Toronto & Buffalo) if you up it to THREE (3) hours, we can add in Detroit and at FIVE (5) hours we have the fekking Sens. I don’t doubt that we could support it, but do we want to? Do the other NHL markets want to share their piece of the pie? They’re not saying – I think they’re hoping that Bettman does the dirty work for them.

4) Hamilton already has an AHL team (the Bulldogs) that draws a smallish crowd. They won the Calder Cup (the AHL’s equivalent of the Stanley Cup) this year – only it was like it was being played in, say, Anaheim. Nobody noticed.

5) You’ve already pissed off the Board. You’ve signed a lease with Copp’s Coliseum in Hamilton (a great place to watch hockey, right Dogs?) and in this morning’s Hamilton Spectator you’re selling advanced tickets. The horse is wondering why the cart is in front of it. The Board took you off the agenda for this week’s meeting, saying that it didn’t get proper notification. It got notification alright, but are you getting what’s going on?

So – good luck with it. I hope you can pull this off, really – it’s sure going to be fun watching you try.

In Other News...

The Islanders bought out the remainder of Alexei Yashin’s *spit* contract. Please wait a moment while I laugh my fekking ass off. Some day I will share with you all my hatred of Yashin *spit*, but the gag order has not yet lifted.

Hasek is staying in Detroit for at least another season. Good move – that will make y’all contenders.

The Leafs signed captain Mats Sundin to a one year deal worth approximately 5.5 million. Good move – that will make y’all contenders.

The End of the Season, the End of I’ll See You On The Ice – for now...

Hockey is finally over; my heart has been broken – yet again. Now I know how Elmer Fudd feels when it’s duck season – woefully inadequate.

It’s time for a bit of a break while I enjoy one of Canada’s finest seasons – Construction.

Watch FASTER THAN THE BLOG tomorrow for a list of tonight’s winners from the NHL Awards and keep watching the BLOG for further NHL updates as they appeal to me.

It’s been a great season, I’ve really enjoyed writing for FASTER THAN THE WORLD and I’m sticking around for as long as they’ll have me.

Have a great summer. I’ll see you in September.

Deb’s pool is open; you are only invited if you bring the beer – real beer – not that American shite.

I'll See You On The Ice Archives

Posted by Deb Beckers at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

So, hockey...

What's going on in hockey? Ummmm...

Some team won some cup or something, I don't know - who pays attention to these things, especially in JUNE...

Well according to NBC? Nobody. NBC recorded their lowest numbers EVER for a prime-time slot for the final game of the Stanley Cup finals (EVER, not just for a sports event). That means High Mountain Rangers
(a show from the 80's that only me and my friend Lisa watched) had a better Neilsen rating.

This is not right people, not right at all. Hockey is one of the toughest sports to play and is (usually) one of the most exciting to watch, there is constant action. I mean if Americans can embrace two of the most boring sports ever to be introduced to humankind (baseball and figure skating) why not the great game of hockey? Seriously! Why the fuck not?

It's time for new life and a new direction for the NHL. Rule changes and salary caps are not going to do it, we need drastic action:

1. Get RID of Bettman, for the love of Dog! Get someone who understands hockey, marketing and doesn't have a Napoleon complex.

2. Get rid of at least 1/3 of the expansion teams. Don't just MOVE them, close them down. This will give us a better chance of GREAT, marketable teams making a final that more than Turtle and I will care about.

What else?

The Anaheim Ducks won the Stanley Cup. Why did they win? They won because they were the better team, because the Sens couldn't figure out the Ducks defense and because of one lucky jersey and some nipple rubs.

Congrats on a deserved win boys, I'm just sorry that no one in California cares enough to notice.

Deb needs a personal assistant to tell her what day of the week it is.

I'll See You On The Ice Archives

Posted by Deb Beckers at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

Okay not (totally) really, but Jesus FUCK. What happened to the Senators?

Let me explain to you what kind of fan I am. I am not the type of fan that makes excuses, you will NEVER hear me say the “It must have been the time off between games” or “Heatley must be nursing a secret injury”, that’s not me. You want to know why they are sucking the fat lad?

BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT PLAYING THEIR KIND OF HOCKEY.

Fast forwards? Checked into the boards face first.

Solid defense? Haven’t seen them yet.

Non reliance on their goaltender? I am LOLing all over the place right now.

Shots in the game on Wednesday were about 2-1 for Anaheim. But for the grace of Emery the score SHOULD have been at least 6-0 IN THE FIRST FEKKING PERIOD.

But there is still hope... When Anaheim scored with about 5 minutes left in the third on Wednesday, Ottawa woke up. They were fast, they were pressuring and Gigi (goaltender for the Ducks) was REALLY on his game (considering he hadn’t had that much work for 55 odd minutes).

So there’s hope.

Anaheim... Truth? I don’t hate them, really... I hate what they have represented in the past. Big business, commercialism, fancy pants, not old time hockey. Essentially everything that Bettman loves.

They’ve surprised me thus far; I just hope it doesn’t continue. Hard hitting, their defense is just a WALL... I shouldn’t really be surprised – they are mostly Canadian eh?!


Deb is taking a nap, a poutine and beer one.


I'll See You On The Ice Archives

Posted by Deb Beckers at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

...When it’s flattened road kill.

Oh yeah – it’s on babies! Final two and nobody’s singing but the Fat Lady for Anaheim!

What? You thought I’d be unbiased? Silly jackass!

I’ll be (probably) LIVE BLOGGING the games, so step over to our sister blog FASTER THAN THE BLOG (www.fasterthantheworld.com/blog) on Monday and Wednesday nights next week to see what REALLY happens when you mix Canadian Beer (Alexander Keith’s), a Laptop with no wireless connection, a 50 inch TV and no censor button. It’s a stream of consciousness that not even Leary imagined.

Also I will be talking about the game.

The Match – Up

Remember the game from your childhood where the Hungry Hungry Hippos fought each other for supremacy? Where the Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots bashed each others head in? Where if you spun your top just right you could knock your opponents whirling cyclone right off the fekking boards?

This series is going to be like you combined all three of those games together and then beat your little sister over the head with them.

Two teams both cup virgins, both wanting to be the first to cross the Rubicon, both pinching their collective pimples anxiously waiting for the battle to begin, for their first chance at glory (cue Bon Jovi).

*gag* NHL.com is calling Pronger a “stud” defenseman. He’s good, I’ll give him that, but it’s going to take more than that for him to redeem himself for the Edmonton THING. Hell, I JUST started to forgive Gretzky – and he’s no Wayne; of course they’re including Niedermayer in that, so that makes it more okay.

The Duck are, as much as it PAINS me to admit it, a pretty good team. Their defence is solid and their goalie (Giguere) has had an amazing run. It’s offensively that you have to worry about them (if you’re a Ducks fan). The numbers look good, but they have struggled to have any convincing wins over the other teams in the series. They need to get consistent scoring plays from their top line in order to defeat the defense heavy Ottawa Senators.

Ottawa’s top line of Alfredsson, Spezza and Heatley have been a tough line to contain this year and hold the bulk of Ottawa’s goal scoring. The Sens are going to need to get production out of all lines if they want to score. They’re also solid defensively which makes me worry a bit that these games are going to be slow moving and scoring games.

Time will tell, but man-o-man am I looking forward to seeing these two physical teams go at it. Maybe there’ll be blood, there usually is...

Canada vs. the US? Really? Are you serious?

You know that there is going to be some ASSHOLE, Canadian or American (I’m betting on both) that is going to try and start a war again (because it turned out so well for the US the last few times).

Here are some stats, because like evidence, stats don’t lie.

DUCKS: 25 active players, 4 Americans (16%), 18 Canadians (72%) and 3 Europeans (12%).

SENATORS: 23 active players, 1 American (4.4%), 13 Canadians (56.5%) and 9 Europeans (39.1%).

Which team’s American? Which team’s Canadian? Doesn’t matter because my Sens are going to be having some duck fricassee.

Just sayin’.

In Other Hockey News...

I can’t believe Hockey is still on. It’s almost fekking June!

Also...

RIM (Research In Motion – aka Crackberry birth place – aka Canada’s revenge on the world) CEO Jim Balsillie may finally be getting the hockey club of his dreams.

Maybe.

He’s reached a deal to buy the Nashville Predators, pending NHL (read Bettman) approval. Sound familiar?

Yep, he’s the one who tried to buy the Pens and was stymied by the league in the 11th hour.

Will he get to move the team? Will Canada get back a team? Will they be called the Hamilton Predators?

Will Mr. Sillie wake up from his dream of Bettman EVER letting him move the team north?

Stay tuned.


Deb IS ready to rumble, it’s not just the Taco Bell talking!


I'll See You On The Ice Archives

Posted by Deb Beckers at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (6) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

5 more wins ‘till the cup for my beloved, but much yelled at Sens. =) And a hard road ahead for the Wings and Ducks...

Check out FASTER THAN THE BLOG (http://fasterthantheworld.com/blog/) this weekend for rants and “discussions” about the games this weekend!

Western Semi

Detroit (1) v. Anaheim (2)
Detroit lead the series 2-1
Next game is last night (get in your not-so way back machine) at Anaheim.

So the pretty boy got suspended. Boo Fucking Hoo. He deserved it, it was a stupid thing to do – a blindside blow to the head? Dumbass. He’s the teams leading scorer in the playoffs and Duck fans better fucking hope they can keep it together on the blue line, because you KNOW that the Wings are not going to let them have any slack after the stitches and their 5-0 whooping of the Ducks asses in the last game.

The Ducks were a complete mess the last game, stupid penalties, sloppy passing and plays – You just cant DO that at this level, at this time of the season.

Desperate hockey is never pretty, but it’s going to be fun as hell to watch.

GO WINGS!

Eastern Semi

Ottawa (4) v. Buffalo (1)
Sens lead the series 3-1
Next game is Saturday night in Buffalo.

After scoring the second fastest playoff goal in NHL History at 9 seconds (the fastest was 6 seconds, by LA in 1977) I knew that the Sabres had this game. Even when the Sens actually realized that they were playing hockey mid-way through the second period and scored two within seconds near the end of two, I knew that they were destined to lose this game.

Ottawa out-shot the Sabres 33-22, at least 20 of those were actual “chances". The Sabres blocked 18 of Ottawa shots. The Sens OWNED the third period, even controlling the puck during the Sabres' power play, but they just couldn’t score. Miller was like a pig built brick house!

There have been only two teams in the history of the NHL who have come back from a three game deficit. The 1942 Leafs and the 1975 Isles, both were teams of legend. Does Buffalo have the same caliber of players? Probably not, but they do have one hell of a goalie.

GO SENS!


Deb thinks Michael Bublé looks like that jock in high school who was such an ass to everyone, but she still likes him. Damn history and the repeating of itself!


I'll See You On The Ice Archives

Posted by Deb Beckers at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

We’re two games in and for the Ottawa Senators it’s 6 Games until they hold the Cup of Cups in their smelly, smelly hands.

Oh and the Ducks didn’t totally suck yesterday.

Eastern Division

Buffalo (1) at Ottawa (4)

Ottawa Leads Series 2-0

Ottawa is kicking ass. They played for three whole periods on Saturday, unfortunately so did the Sabres; Even if they couldn’t match the Sens hard hitting, consistent playing and hot goalie (who is ALSO hot BTW).

Speaking of Emery... He’s running his mouth again (he suggested that there is nothing to do in Buffalo - *shocking*), so you know it’s going to be an interesting series. In one fell swoop he managed to piss off the city of Buffalo. But it’s Buffalo, so no one cares – All the Buffalo fans cross the border from Canada anyway (the tickets are about 400% cheaper than trying to get decent Leaf tickets).

With Spezza streaking and Alfie playing better than he has in years (he’s playing like Mats Sundin SHOULD be playing) the Sens are poised to deliver the death blow at home.

If I can breathe properly.

Go SENS!

Western Division

Detroit (1) at Anaheim (2)

Series is Tied at 1-1

Truthfully? I fully expected the Ducks to take this series; and then I actually paid attention to a western game (shocking, I know). Detroit wants it. They really really want it and they are not afraid to resort to actually playing good hockey to get it.

Hasek is looking stronger than strong (as long as he doesn’t have to handle the puck), Datsyuk is scoring, Lindstrom is playing a good 30 minutes a game and the Wings have only lost one game since Homer (Holmstrom) came back from an eye injury.

The Ducks got it together for game 2, playing a strong first period. Then they slowed down, if not for their excellent defense – there would have been no overtime. Stepford Husband Pronger has become a force to be reckoned with, also averaging 30 minutes per game, more than their other go-to guy Niedermayer and Selanne is finally connecting with the puck.

Another fun series to watch.

Go Wings!

Deb is Rollin’ – Everyone else is stoned

I'll See You On The Ice Archives

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So who’s going to the big show?

Western Conference

Detroit (1) v. Anaheim (2)

The perennial playoff losers, the Red Wings, have finally managed not to get eliminated in early rounds and are one match-up away from the big show. It’s either going to be a heartwarming story about how a goaltender got his nickname back or another round of “I told you we sucked” and 9 holes of golf.

I’m hoping for the former. Even if Teemu Selanne has found his inner Peter Pan (at 36 – which is NOT FEKKING OLD – Chelios is old he’s 45!), as long as he can keep his face away from pucks and Pronger’s flailing sticks he’ll be fine, not pretty, but fine. The Ducks have proved their mettle, they just need to take a bath, fly south and/or make soup – whatever it is you do with ducks besides throw stale bread at them.

I know I say this every column, but Hasek has to stay healthy. He did something to his glove hand in the last series, but SJ didn’t seem to put a lot of pucks that way anyway. He’s got good defensemen and has the luxury of having been in this pressure cooker before, besides, Hasek has reason to stay healthy – he’ll pocket and extra $1.1 million if they win the cup.

We were here in 2003 when the Ducks took eliminated the Wings from the playoffs. Could history repeat itself? Goddess I hope not. The Ducks spent part of last season battling with Buffalo for top seed overall, but upstart Detroit managed to outdo them in the latter half of the season, where the Ducks started to lose speed.

Eastern Conference

Buffalo (1) v. Ottawa (4)

I was a bit torn on this one. Buffalo is like a home town team for me (1 hour away), but Ottawa is the team of my heart, I’ve loved them (sometime not wisely) since the day they made their re-appearance in the league. I went to University in Ottawa, I survived an Ice Storm in Ottawa, and so Ottawa it is – even though they’re 5 hours away.

The Sabres are sounding a bit cocky to me. I heard that they were saying that they haven’t been playing their “A” game for the playoffs, but were ready to produce it in their series against the Senators.

Give me a fekking break; with the way they have been playing some games in this playoff season I think they might be running out of steam. Time to throw some buffalo pats in the fire and watch then disintegrate.

There is a history of fights between these two teams, so look for a lot of hard hitting and a lot of penalties (in the first game) as the referees try to establish their control and set the tone. The teams have similar playing styles, but Ottawa is a faster skating team. It’s going to be a fun one to watch, but the Sens will kick the angry right out of Buffalo’s comma.

Things that amused me

IIHF World Hockey Championship

Canada is kicking ass, throwing wicked elbows (that we were punished for) and causing parliamentary debate (Hockey Canada had to explain to a Parliamentary committee why they chose Shane Doan as the captain). They’re on to the semi’s. Bring home the Gold Boys!


Sens paraphernalia? Check! Tim Horton’s Coffee and Timbits? Check! Red Foam Fist of Death? Check! Protest sign ganked from the Medical Marijuana protest? Check! Gladiators Ready! Deb is ready to rumble!


I'll See You On The Ice Archives

Posted by Deb Beckers at 1:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (7) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

Man, are these Semi’s fun to watch or what? Fast skatin’, hard hittin’ – whooot. I don’t even mind staying up for the West Coast games!

Eastern Conference

Sabres (1) v. Rangers (6)

Series tied 2 – 2

The SABRES were robbed. With 17 seconds left in a 2-1 game Buffalo’s Briere was denied, not by Lundqvist, but by the goal judges in Toronto who obviously don’t know anything about physics.

Oh well, maybe it was payback for the goal the Rangers lost because of a kicked in puck in the previous game. Or maybe it was something far more sinister... Bettman was in the stands with his blackberry (seriously – they showed him at least twice), I’d put my money on him (or a flunky) calling Toronto and telling them to make it a non-goal.

I’m not a conspiracy theorist, I’m just sayin’...

Game 5 is tonight (in Buffalo)

Devils (2) v. Senators (4)

Ottawa leads 3 – 1

Dany Heatly had a great night for the Sens in game 4 (assist and an unassisted goal), helping the team take an outstanding lead in the series. His flukey (he was TRYING for the goalpost so teammate Spezza could get a good shot) goal off Brodeur’s back skate really got the arena shaking.

The Sens defence is slowly, but surely wearing the Devils down, but they (the Devils) are showing some real spark. Brodeur is a joy to watch and Gomez and Gionta get in Emery’s face. But they’re going to have to keep their heads and keep pulling the Sens into stupid fekking penalties if they want to survive to the next round.

Game 5 is Saturday at New Jersey

Western Conference

Red Wings (1) v. Sharks (5)

Series tied 2 – 2

Game four was another game, this playoff season that ended in a tie at the end of three by a goal scored in the dying seconds of the period. Let me tell you, it certainly makes you take nothing for granted, even if there’s a second left! Very exciting!!

The momentum seems to be shifting in Detroit’s favour with their comeback and overtime goal in game 4. The Sharks were sitting back and totally blew the last minute, giving the Wings the chance they were looking for. Hasek is looking good though.

The Sharks had to withstand a review of Marcel Goc’s weird goal where he banked the puck of a Detroit defenseman and over the shoulder of Hasek. He did it on purpose, really... Seriously though?!?!? The Sharks need to wake up and start playing hockey instead of golf. They really weren’t in the last game at all, even though they lead (2-0 at one point).

Game 5 is Saturday at Detroit

Ducks (2) v. Canucks (3)

Anaheim leads 3 – 1, for now...

The Mooses Selanne’s mashed up face isn’t pretty, but the teams play has certainly been lately (or maybe all season – I donno). They’re finally getting angry with themselves for letting what they see as their own second rate game play put them in the position of coming from behind, again and again. I’d say it’s just another Saturday night for them, but it’s Thursday.

The Canucks, on the other hand, can’t seem to find a break. They have a goalie who is a contender for both the Vezina and Hart Trophy’s and his offence is letting him down. They need to find a way of getting under the Duck’s feathers and staying there. Scoring first and taking the lead hasn’t worked, maybe they should let the Ducks score first and they come back and win by 5 goals or something ridiculous like that. Or the Ducks could just retire this series early and wait to see who’s going to kick their arses in the next round...

Go NUKS!

Game 5 was Thursday in Anaheim. I hope Vancouver stays alive.


Deb likes hockey all the time – TWO SHOTS! UH UH!!!


I'll See You On The Ice Archives

Posted by Deb Beckers at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (11) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

We’re down to the final four match-up, just a month or so away from the big show. I really like the teams that are left! Well, I don’t LIKE them like them, but let’s just say I AM looking forward to the hook-up.

Western Match-ups*
(picks, as always, in bold)

Detroit Red Wings (1) v. San Jose Sharks (5)

The Wings out shot Calgary (225-129) during the first series, which is good; but took 6 games to eliminate them, that’s bad. Hasek needs to stay healthy; they have to actually start connecting on the power play and pray that a red hot team starts to get cool.

They are a very deep team dude, and not just in a California sense either. Younger and faster than the “aging” Wings, they are going to have stick to their game plan, wear them down and run the net – that’ll put Hasek off =)

Anaheim Mighty Moose Ducks (2) v. Vancouver Canucks (3)
Ducks lead the series 1-0

Just because I’m using their real name does not mean I’m giving them any respect. Even if they (sorta) deserve it. The hot headed Ducks have been surprisingly disciplined (except may), it’s a change for the better, but they are going to have to keep a cool head (like they did in game 1) against the harder hitting Canucks. I’d hate to see the medication stop working and have them break a wing or something, they do have spindling little legs.

During the last series the Canucks actually started developing a power play. This was a nice change from their regular season power play – they were right near the bottom of the standings for that. Carry it through boys, carry it through. They just have to start getting under the Duck’s skin feathers and drawing the penalties.

Eastern Match-up

New Jersey Devils (2) v. Ottawa Senators (4)

Welcome to what I predict will be the longest series of the four.

Brodeur is streaking (only in the hockey sense, unfortunately) and as long as he stays hot the hated Devil’s will be able to push the Sens to their limit. The Lightning were good practice in dealing with bigger players too.

The Sens are sneaky though. One of the most underestimated teams in the league, this series is revenge for elimination in Game 7 of the 2003 series. It’s cold in Ottawa for most of the year – they know how to hold grudges. They have three seasons – hockey, flooding and damn bloody hot – when does hockey start again?. The word “choke’ has been bandied about by sports writers greater than I, the only thing I have to say to them is… “Stop bringing your personal habits to work.”

That’s all.

Buffalo Sabres (1) v. New York Rangers (6)
Sabres lead series 1-0

The Sabres better have been toying with the Isles, because if they play the way they did in the first series against the Rangers they are doomed. If Wednesday’s opening shot was any indication, they still have some work to do. Sure they out skated them, but every time I flipped back from the American Idol crap the Rangers were all up in the Sabre’s end, and not in a good way.

The Rangers showed that they weren’t just a fluky team for even MAKING the playoffs when they swept the Thrashers in four games. They’re well rested (which may be a problem), their defensive play is legendary – but it’s not defense that wins the game (it can sure lose the game though – right isles?). They need to get production out of more then their first line. It’s going to be a good match-up though. Does anyone else miss Jagr’s mullet?

An interesting note – It’s rumored that the league is pulling for the Rangers to be in the finals. They are hoping for a return of the heyday of hockey in the states when Hockey was hotter than Basketball.

* standings as of Wednesday, April 26th.

Deb has the Poutine and Tequila ready to be added to the blender (not together –ew); she’s hoping to see a San Jose/Sens final, just to piss Bettman off


I'll See You On The Ice Archives

Posted by Deb Beckers at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (17) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

It's a long, long road.

Longer for some than for others.

The Columbus Blue Jackets are cleaning house, they fired their GM today. I think they need a new PR team too – I had no idea that they were even in the league until this year.

The Mighty Mooses Brad May got suspended , 3 games, for punching Kim Johnsson in the back of the head this week. Dumb Moose.

The Burlington Cougars (www.burlingtoncougars.com) had their annual cry fest banquet on Monday. They renamed the Fan’s Choice Trophy in honour of my Mother – Margo (Who passed away January 24th). I got to present it…

The prime rib was outstanding.

In other news – the first round is still going on…

Standings*

Eastern Race

Sabres v. Isles – Sabres lead the series 3-1. They could close out the series at home on Friday (20th) night.

Devils v. Lightning – Series is tied at two (2) apiece. They played Thursday night in NJ and I’m not psychic, so see my update in the comments below.

Thrashers v. Rangers – Rangers take the series 4-0. One year after they were the first to be eliminated, they become the eliminator… and the Thrashers get to hang onto their virginity for another year.

Senators v. Penguins – Sens lead the series 3-1. They ALSO play Thursday night. Look below in the comments for an update with me bitching or crowing…

Western Race

Wings v. Flames – Wings lead the series 2-1, but that’s only because of the fluke win by Calgary. Wings will eliminate last night. =)

Moose v. Wild – Moose lead 3-1. I’m still in denial.

Canucks v. Stars – the Nuks lead the series 3-1. Also play Thursday… so ibid.

Preds v. Sharks. Sharks always beat land mammals, they are killing machines. Sharks lead the series 3-1. Watch them eliminate the kitties tonight.

Scoring Leaders Goals, Assists, Total Points

1. Nylander, NYR – 4, 4, 8

2. St. Louis, TB – 3, 5, 8

3. Jagr, NYR – 2, 5, 7

4. Parise, NJ – 6, 0, 6

5. Lecavalier, TB – 5, 1, 6

6. Dumont, Nash – 4, 2, 6

7. Richards, TB – 1, 5, 6

8. Drury, Buf – 4, 1, 5

9. Alfredsson, Ott – 3, 2, 5

10. Crosby, Pit – 3, 2, 5

* as at Thursday, April 19th


Deb would like to write something funny. Turquoise.


I'll See You On The Ice Archives

Posted by Deb Beckers at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (7) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

Is it just me or are teams actually hungry for the cup this year (well, except for the, still afraid to cross the Rubicon, Thrashers)?

There have been some fights, nothing major – but the hitting?!? Wow more banging than a sailor on shore leave, more board knocking than a knee wobbler behind the high school.

Great (and mostly clean) hitting, a few fisticuffs and refs that seem to be content to jest let the boys play for a change.

Welcome back to old time hockey.

EASTERN CONFERENCE*

Buffalo vs. N.Y. Islanders

Buffalo leads the series 2-1.

When this series started I was listening to the talking heads (or windbags) on TSN (The Sports Network in Canada). There are four guys, three of them were shouting down the only voice of reason; the voice that said not to count the Isles out of it. He didn’t say that they are going to win, let’s not go crazy now. The Sabres do need to step up their game and I think (hope) that it’s finally sinking in. It was nice to see DiPietro in net last game =)

No. 2 New Jersey vs. No. 7 Tampa Bay

Tampa leads the series 2-1.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!?!?!? You may be saying. Listen I told you in my last column that Tampa outscored the Devils during the regular season. They’ve been close games, but jeebus, the NJ defence needs to be a little less pylon like.

No. 3 Atlanta vs. No. 6 N.Y. Rangers

Rangers lead the series 2-0.

Soon to be 3-0 of the Thrashers don’t smarten up and start getting into the game

No. 4 Ottawa vs. No. 5 Pittsburgh

Ottawa leads the series 2-1.

THIS is the series to watch. Man, are these teams quick (on the ice). I can’t remember when three periods of hockey have flown by so quickly!

Young and Brash meet Old and Hardened. Definitely old school hockey. GO SENS!

WESTERN CONFERENCE*

No. 1 Detroit vs. No. 8 Calgary

Detroit leads the series 2-0

YAWN! Calgary is playing like shit, what were the Shots? 1 – 3 billion? Par for this round of the playoffs if you ask me...

No. 2 Anaheim vs. No. 7 Minnesota

The Mighty Moose lead the series 3-0

I don’t want to hear it, but YOU can! If you listen closely you can hear the sound of Turtle BITING ME.

No. 3 Vancouver vs. No. 6 Dallas

Vancouver leads the series 2-1

You wanted overtime? We give you overtime. I love it when it gets to the point where you don’t give a ship who fekking wins, just as long as it’s over. Go Canucks!

No. 4 Nashville vs. No. 5 San Jose

San Jose leads the Series 2-1.

Nashville is showing some spark, but they haven’t been able to keep up with the hard hittin’, fast skatin’ Sharks. Last Friday’s game doesn’t matter, they smell blood now...

*As at games played by 16 April 2007

”I’ll See You on the Ice” will be back again on Friday – to get you geared up for another weekend of playoff hockey. WHOOT!


I'll See You On The Ice Archives

Posted by Deb Beckers at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (8) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

Grapes is expanding his reach (see below), people are shuffling off to Siberia, my picks at the beginning of the season didn’t suck and there is some kind of playoff happening in some league...

Other Hockey News

US gets its Cherry Popped

States meet Grapes, Grapes; try not to embarrass us too badly okay?

Don Cherry has been a hockey icon in Canada, with his rants on Coach’s Corner every Saturday night for as long as I can remember (and my long term memory rocks). Grapes is a former NHL player (one game) and Boston Bruins coach during the fabled “lunch-pail gang” era. He never won the cup, but the Bruins did make it to the finals twice during his tenure – losing to the Canadiens.

He’s going to be bringing his particular brand of straight talking and fashion to NBC coverage of the NHL playoffs. It’s going to be very interesting to see the US fans take on him. His take on himself...

In the States, they wanted me to go on one time in Pittsburgh. Jaromir Jagr, it was when he had long hair and he was with Mario Lemieux and I said, 'There's Mario and his daughter.' It didn't go over too good. That was my last time in the States.

Just think of him as Terry Bradshaw for the hockey set.

When we get to dear Siberia...

Phoenix’s assistant head coach, Barry Smith, announced this week that he was stepping down and is taking a head coaching position with the Russian Elite league.

He’s 55 and is facing the truth that he’s probably never going to get a shot at the head coach position at the national level (he’s coached at collegiate and European levels).

Either that or they made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.

Deb doesn’t suck (no matter WHAT it says on the bathroom wall)

So back when I was young and not as jaded by this season of hockey, I wrote a column espousing the virtues (or non-virtues) of 12 teams. Let’s see how I did...

Top 4 Picks:

Carolina Hurricanes: Finished 11th (East – out of the playoffs) – very wrong on this one!

Ottawa Senators: Finished 4th (East)

Detroit Red Wings: Finished 1st (West)

Calgary Flames: Finished 8th (West)

Teams to Watch

Buffalo: Finished 1st (East)

Atlanta: Finished 3rd (East)

San Jose: Finished 5th (West)

Anaheim: Finished 2nd (West)

HA!

Ones that Suck the Fad Lad

Toronto: Finished 9th (East – out of the playoffs)

Montréal: Finished 10th (East – out of the playoffs)

Colorado: Finished 9th (West – out of the playoffs)

Edmonton: Finished 12th (West – out of the playoffs)

So I’m not as bad as I thought I was =)

Onwards. To what you’ve all been waiting for...

Eastern Conference Playoffs

No. 1 Buffalo vs. No. 8 N.Y. Islanders

Buffalo has to be the favourite, they not only had the best record in the league this season, but they are all healthy and ready to bring the cup home. They’re still hungry after coming so close to the finals (one game) last year.

As for the Isles... Well Miracles do happen, even with Yashin on the team. Dubie is their starter, although I did hear a rumor that DiPietro skated a couple of days ago, so that’s good news for him – Dubie’s got to be their go-to-guy though, even if he has only 17 NHL games in three seasons... Believe in Miracles? Not this time.

No. 2 New Jersey vs. No. 7 Tampa Bay

Firing their coach with three games left in the regular season sure didn’t slow the Devils down, but they need to bring their “A” game if they want to beat the upstart Lightning, who have outscored them this season. Plus they have Wins and Shut-outs leader Martin Brodeur in net.

The Achilles heel for Tampa is in goal. Do you put in swiss cheese or string cheese? If you’re the Lightning you go out and get new farmer cheese and see how that works.

Great, now I’m hungry.

No. 3 Atlanta vs. No. 6 N.Y. Rangers

Hey look boys! A virgin. That’s right children, it’s Atlanta’s first time in the playoffs. Will the Rangers be man enough to take them down. Size wise it’s a pretty good match-up, but the Rangers have the star and goal power with Shannahan and Jagr.

No. 4 Ottawa vs. No. 5 Pittsburgh

This is going to be a great series to watch, not just because I’m a HUGE Ottawa Senator’s fan. Pittsburgh has Crosby (season points leader with 120) and a young hungry team and Ottawa has a solid, methodical team with a crazy ass goalie – who WILL take you out if you mess with him.

Good times, good times.

Western Conference Playoffs

No. 1 Detroit vs. No. 8 Calgary

I love Detroit, I tolerate Calgary. Maybe it’s the Ontarian in me, but I just can’t see Calgary getting away with this one. They really don’t have the drive that they did in previous years. The only things I don’t like about Detroit are 1) Shanny isn’t there anymore; and 2) I fekking HATE Hasek. The fire of a thousand suns does not even BEGIN to describe my hatred. He’s a good goalie, don’t get me wrong (2nd overall in shutouts) – it’s just that he’s left teams I was rooting for high and dry with his prima dona actions. So I’m torn.

No. 2 Anaheim vs. No. 7 Minnesota

I’m going to pick Minnesota just to piss Turtle off. Actually the Wild had a very good season and have an amazing goalie in Nicklas Backstrom (#1 in Save % and GAA) – that will be their saving grace. A good goalie is golden. The Ducks outstanding power play and defensive special teams will make it a tough go though. This is going to be another interesting one to watch.

No. 3 Vancouver vs. No. 6 Dallas

Yeah – historically they both suck in the playoffs, but Vancouver is due for strong goalie performance for at least ONE of its playoff runs and I’m betting that this season is it, or next season...

No. 4 Nashville vs. No. 5 San Jose

My love for Joe Thorton (#2 in points with 114, #1 in assists) knows no bounds. I have his Team Canada sweater =)

Plus Forsberg is on Nashville and I just can’t get over his hissy fit in Philly.

Any other thoughts? Picks? What are you having for dinner?

Deb IS ready to rumble, and not just in her tummy either.


I'll See You On The Ice Archives

Posted by Deb Beckers at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (11) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

You know you’re humming and air guitaring the opening, aren’t you?

The Writing is on the wall (and has been for weeks for some of our teams *coughbostonphillycough*). The East’s final spots still aren’t decided, the final placements for both coasts are still wobbly and several hockey people have lost their freaking minds.

Playoffs (Part 1 – the race to the bottom)

I’m listening to the Leafs/Isles game. The Isles just scored. The Leafs are arguing it, it’s being reviewed, but it’s a goal, by Ryan Smith – great acquisition eh? It’s hardly surprising for anyone who follows the Leafs, seriously. Even their coach doesn’t believe… (From the Globe and Mail)

Paul Maurice says the Toronto Maple Leafs don't have it, that they are not a good enough team to have it.

Reverse psychology? Distancing himself from the flaming suckage? Or did the Devils make him an offer he couldn’t refuse?

Another quote that amused me – about the Islander fans (from The Toronto Star)…

Islanders fans love Wade Dubielewicz, mostly because they can chant his nickname – "Du-bie, Du-bie" – whenever he makes a save.

That sums LI up I think ;-P

Best case scenario for me? The Leafs win, the Canadiens (who are playing the Rangers Thursday night) lose and the game in Toronto on Saturday Night (Leafs v. Habs) is the deciding game for 8th. Man would that be a great game to watch. If the Hockey Gods (who are handsome and omnipotent – yeah, I said it) could see clear to give me that game, I’d really appreciate it. Like free porn appreciate it.

Playoffs (Part 2 – who’s playin’ who)

Yeah – I donno. The playoffs start next week (April 11th), we know where the top ones are going to be (East and West), where the bottom ones are going to be (golfing) – but the middle (and the Bottom East) is a fuzzy area, like the Mighty Moose’s tails.

We’ll talk next week. I’ll make picks, y’all can tell me how much I suck, I’ll provide references and we’ll all get caught up in our picks race for the most famous cup in the world. Le coup Stanley. Long live Stan.

In Hockey News – The full moon made itself know, with a vengeance

The Devils fired their head coach on Monday *crickets*. Not kidding. Claude Julien was surprised. So was I – they have three games left in the season, and the Devils are looking to cinch FIRST PLACE. GM Lou Lamoriello is coaching the remaining games. Something major must have happened, this is the second time he’s been fired before the end of the season (Montréal 2006-2006), but with three games left and gearing up for the playoffs – it’s a bit of a slap in the face.

No playoffs for you! Move to the side (or maybe Toronto?).

Remember how I was talking about former Toronto enforcer Tie Domi last week? Well he’s making headlines in Toronto again this week. For allegedly (see, a law degree IS helpful) threatening the coach of his son’s hockey team after they lost a sudden death playoff game. The coach didn’t think it was literal. How is he handling it? He’s threatening to sue the coach for slander, the coach and his supporters/witnesses are trying to get him banned from the rink.

I think Domi needs a hobby. Maybe woodworking?

In Non-Hockey News…

Alanis Morissette Rocks…

This week’s column is brought to you by the letter “E”, E is for pain reducing electrodes. Mmmmmmm electrodes.

Archives

Posted by Deb Beckers at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (13) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

So is that the new mantra of the Eastern Conference? Not only are the best of the worst working their collective asses off to make the playoffs, but they're being damned entertaining whilst doing it.

So last week we had teams fall down, but not out and risen but not longer than the four hours that the people who make those little blue pills are so worried about.

The standings:

6 NY RANGERS - 87 points, 5 games remaining
7 TAMPA BAY - 86 points, 5 games remaining
8 MONTREAL - 86 points, 5 games remaining
9 TORONTO - 84 points, 6 games remaining
10 NY ISLANDERS - 84 points, 6 games remaining
11 CAROLINA - 84 points, 5 games remaining

Anyone else started drinking? I don’t drink anymore… I don’t drink any less either…

The week before the final week:
(My picks are bolded  in case you didn’t know what bolding looks like)

Friday:
Lightning at Carolina, Canadiens at Sens, Isles at Sabres.

Saturday:
Pens at Leafs (gotta keep hope alive eh?), Sabres at Canadiens, Rangers at Flyers (because even *I* could beat the flyers).

Sunday:
Canes at Panthers, Leafs at Rangers ( Going to be a GOOD, close game).

Miscellaneous stories from around the league:

I'm not saying that nhl.com was stretching for stories, but one of the lead columns was about Toronto's Darcy Tucker and how you either love him or don't live in Toronto. I live in Toronto, all I'll say is that he's no Domi (but Domi isn't even Domi anymore either).

In other news…

Nothing. Teams are all on the Down Low, gearing up for the playoffs or the golf course. Where is your team going to be?


Deb lost a day this week and typed most of this on her crackberry on the train home Thursday night. PH33R her mad thumb typing skilz.


I'll See You On The Ice Archives

Posted by Deb Beckers at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (12) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

It’s enough to drive a girl to drink. Well, to drink MORE anyway...

The fekking East Race

You’re up! You’re down. You’re up! You’re down. Repeat ad nauseum. As much as I love leapfrog (especially naked leapfrog – but that’s a different column) it’s getting a little old.

What am I talking about. It’s exciting! Still! Five real contenders duking it out, for what!?!?! Last place.

Is anyone else finding that odd?

Here’s how it stands as of Wednesday, March 21, 2007:

6. Tampa Bay – 84pts, 8 games remaining

7. Rangers – 81pts, 9 games remaining

8. Carolina – 80pts, 9 games remaining

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

9. Toronto – 80pts, 9 games remaining

10. Montréal – 80pts, 8 games remaining

11. Islanders – 79pts, 10 games remaining

12. Florida – 75pts – 9 games remaining

Still very very tight, despite all the movement (heh).

Games to watch? Glad you asked...

See – I’ve planned your weekend for you; never say I don’t do anything...

Any predictions? You want mine so that you can bet the opposite and win? (here are my choices)

Wednesday

Flyers at Rangers.

Thursday

Caps at Canes, Canadiens at Bruins, Pens on the Island.

Friday

Leafs at Sabres (bloodbath).

Saturday

Rangers in Boston, Isles in Philly, (bloodbath part II – this time it’s personal) Sabres at T.O.

Sunday

Rangers at the Islanders (gonna watch this one for sure – it’ll be close).

Things other than the Eastern Playoff Race

Ummm...

The Ducks don’t appear to be sucking as hard as I want them too. There’s a sentence you don’t get to read often enough ;-)

The Minnesota Wild are on a franchise record 7 game winning streak! Go Wild! Even though their goalie is questionable (not skills wise, injury wise) as is their captain Mark Parrish, who took a puck to the shoulder in Tuesday’s game against the spectacularly sucking Phoenix Coyotes – He’s not expected to miss any games though.

The Oiler’s Steve Stalios will sit out the remainder of the season (all 9 games of it) while he recovers from knee surgery. Edmonton has not had a stellar year y’all.

The NHLPA is imploding. Hall of Fame player Mike Gartner (former Maple Leaf) resigned from the NHL Players' Association on Monday night. This comes after two top union officials were placed on leave because of allegations they ordered the monitoring of NHLPA player e-mail. See, this is what happens when you take the goons off the ice and teach them how to use a computer.

Nashville Predator’s winger Jordin Tootoo (great name, meet the hooded fang) was suspended 5 games for doing something we’ve all wanted to do at some point: Punch Stephane Robidas in the face. What? Just me then.

On March 13th, Mike Modano (Dallas) became the 39th player to reach 500 goals. He also became the all time scoring leader among US born players when he surpassed Joe Mullen with his 503rd goal last Saturday against Nashville. Interesting to note that Mike has played for the Minnesota/Dallas franchise since beginning his NHL career in 1988.

~~~~~

That’s it for this week. What are your picks for the playoff race?


Deb doesn’t think you’re ready for this jelly, but she’s going to make you eat it anyway


I'll See You On The Ice Archives

Posted by Deb Beckers at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

Okay. I’m stressed. Seriously stressed. This has been a week of extremes in the NHL and I don’t know if my anti-psychotic medimication can handle it. I JEST! I know how to supplement...

So we have a race that isn’t, an evil villain (or a couple) that are winning, a race that is giving me chills and making me miss American Idol (shut-up – I know you watch it to), and a Captain that believes in fairies. No that that kind.

Spirit of the West

So the Western Conference race... Um... Well... What can you really say about the race?

There isn’t one.

Calgary is sitting on the final playoff spot with 84 points. Colorado is its nearest challenger, with 74 points. Look, I know it’s mathematically POSSIBLE, but seriously. I stopped believing in those kinds of miracles in 1993.

Meanwhile in Bettman’s secret lair...

Again nothing. Well the NHL did give Chris Simon a hefty 25 game suspension – even though there was no injury, but ignored Chris Neil’s (Ottawa) head shot to Chris Drury (Buffalo), which resulted in a lot of bloody ice and a concussion. Then there was Cam Janssen’s (New Jersey) late high body check to Tomas Kaberle (Toronto), causing a serious head injury – no penalty, during, Delayed 3 game suspension, Kaberle has yet to return to the line-up (although he did skate at a practice yesterday).

So really it was ALMOST nothing. Way to be consistent boys.

There’s no place like home

Guess where Pittsburgh’s going? Nowhere that’s where.

They have FINALLY reached a deal with the city of Pittsburg and the State of Pennsylvania. The plan is going to cost $209 Million. The Pens get $10.5 Million is compensation for the delays.

Shockingly – Bettman was credited with mediating the deal. But I think Sydney Crosby summed it up the best...

”It’s going to be nice just to know what’s going on and knowing you don’t have to talk about it anymore.”

We’re going to need more lube

So the Eastern Conference is getting tighter and tighter, it’s now a five team race. This is usually a good thing, but if you team is one of the ones who are fighting for their lives; your stress level goes through the freaking roof. And you don’t get to be stressed at just your team’s games, NOOOOOOOOO; you get to stress out at EVERY FEKKING GAME that involves a team that might knock you out of, or into, a playoff spot.

Let’s take a look at the last week shall we?

The New York teams have... how can I put this? No luck except bad?

The Islanders lost their goalie in their 5-3 loss to the Montréal Canadiens (head injury – although with goalies, isn’t that assumed?). His status is still up in the air. Plus they lost to the Canadiens, a team whose spectacular losing streaks this season are legend. Way to break the streak.

The Rangers just can seem to get a break. Sure they can break sticks pretty easily, but there has been a spate of shots deflected into their net, by their own defensemen. Captain Jagr said, “I believe something good is going to happen. We’re waiting for it.”

That’s great news for them, not so great news for everyone else who’s out there actually WORKING for the good things. He must have read The Secret, or at least listened to it on tape.

The Isles are tied for the last two playoff spots with Carolina. Toronto is only a point off and the Rangers and the hungry Carolina Hurricanes (who are also down one goalie, courtesy of a Ranger’s skate blade that cut his knee, requiring 11 stitches) are only 2 points behind. It’s still anyone’s race to win.

Eastern Standing as of March 14, 2007 (from NHL.COM):

7. New York Islanders 78pts

8. Carolina Hurricanes 78pts

9. Toronto Maple Leafs 77pts

10. New York Rangers 76pts

11. Montréal Canadiens 76pts

How does Deb spell relief? D-O-M P-É-R-I-G-N-O-N and M-O-R-P-H-I-N-E


I'll See You On The Ice Archives

Posted by Deb Beckers at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

At the pace the playoff race in the East is going, the actual playoffs and Stanley Cup games are going to be anticlimactic; for those of you without a dictionary that means sleeping during the first three periods. This is the most thrilling race to the bottom that I can remember.

So this week we’re taking a look at the EASTERN playoff race, and what a race it’s shaping up to be. We’ve got SIX teams that have the possibility of making the bottom two playoff slots; the New York Islanders, the Toronto Maple Leafs, the Carolina Hurricanes, the Montréal Canadiens, the New York Rangers and (shockingly enough) the Boston Bruins.*

New York Islanders
7th (who knew?), 76 points and 17 games remaining. They are sitting in the best spot. Good games in hand numbers, confidence is going up with each win (or almost win) and their deadline addition of Ryan Smith is looking like a last minute brilliant move. For now, she whispered ominously. They have some tough games coming up and need to keep their momentum moving forward or you might as well be watching Montréal. Meeting up with the hated Rangers a few more times should contribute nicely to the sale of beer on the island.

Toronto Maple Leafs
Sitting none too comfortably in the final playoff spot, the Leafs have 73 points and 15 games left. They are (yawn) playing the Senators in a home and home series Thursday and Saturday – I’m just hoping Emery gets all feisty again. Watching these teams play each other 300 times this season (and usually back to back) is getting kinda old. Toronto missed the playoffs last year and is hungry to make them this year – not that you could tell that by their play up until this point. Almost all their remaining games are against teams that are NOT in danger of losing their playoff spots. Pretty much we, in Toronto, have already given up hope, but don’t worry! We’re good at it.

Carolina Hurricanes
Currently in 9th, 73 points with 14 games left to play. The defending Stanley Cup Champions certainly haven’t had the stellar year that I predicted for them at the beginning of the season. It’s hard to say why. On paper they look pretty good, but whatever magic they had last season is in short supply. They have quite a few games against teams that, let’s just say, have lost the hunger and their hope. They need to continue to perform well if they want to escape the embarrassment of missing the show all together this year.

Montréal Canadiens
Sitting in 10th, 72 Points with 14 games remaining (they did play last night, but it’s Wednesday as I’m writing this and we all know how my predictions go...). Building on their momentum from their win last week over the Toronto Maple Leafs, Montréal... Lost their last three games.

New York Rangers
11th, 71 points 17 games remaining. More games in hand than anyone else (except their state rivals the Islanders) the Rangers have a 3-0-1 for their last four. They too play on Thursday (Islanders) there’s a game I’m really looking forward to and one that can certainly cause some movement in the rankings.

Boston Bruins
12th placed, 69 points t 16 games remaining. I do know that they have their work cut out for them this weekend with Philly on Saturday and Detroit on Sunday. They are on a high from kicking Montréal and New Jersey’s asses last week, let’s just hope for their fan sake that they don’t crash and burn. Anyone taking bets? They play Montréal 3 more times this season (great schedule eh?), this is their key to making the playoffs.

* as of 07 March 2007

So what do you sports Chachi’s and Chachinas think? Which races are you following? What does your team need to do to win?

Next week? We’re heading West. Live is peaceful there.

Deb doesn’t think you’re ready for that jelly.


Archives

Posted by Deb Beckers at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (6) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

Do trades really matter? I mean if your team sucks is adding a shinier new pylon at defense REALLY going to give you the magic you need to win the cup this year?


I don’t know... To me – it was pretty much a non event, no real surprises – but then again my home team (Toronto) really didn’t do anything. They should have gotten rid of Sundin or Tucker (whom they signed to a 12M contract - dumbasses). Their goaltender (Raycroft) is having a meltdown, letting in 4 of 11 shots in Tuesday’s game against Buffalo, maybe a new one? What they should have done is tried to get Bartuzzi or some other masher – the team’s just not the same without Domi.


Most teams used this as the opportunity to get rid of some dead weight and build for future drafts, which actually makes sense.


So what do you guys think?

How did your team fare? What did you like/not like about the deals?


Below is the complete list of trades (provided by NHL.com):

Yes, Deb is lazy this week. Deal – or better yet – discuss below =)


Archives

Posted by Deb Beckers at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (7) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

It’s going to be a short one this week. I’m in recovery, fekking Junior A hockey playoffs. So we’ll have some interesting stories from around the league and a quick rant about something that’s been bugging me for awhile.

Boys and their toys...

Here’s a point for the argument that we pay players way too much damn money...

Marian Gaborik (Minnesota Wild) has WAY too much a) money; and b) free time. He owns one of two CXC Simulations. For those of you who are scratching your balls heads wondering what the hell that is I’ll enlighten you.

It’s a simulator that models itself from the high performance race cars used in the Formula One circuit. The vibrations are the same; the handling is the same... Only thing that is missing is the smell of rubber and jet fuel. Well, that and actual danger.

But never fear! Gaborik also has two high performance GO KARTS! Seriously, this buggers go from 0 to 60 in about 3 seconds and have top speed of over 100 MPH. Think about it, a GO KART going 100 MPH, hugging the ground with your ass, with only a fraction of the body and safety features that the larger Formula One models have....

Sounds frightening and tres cool. So here’s to boys with too much money in their pockets a need for speed and great insurance policies.

Bet y’all* thought I wouldn’t be able tie in this weeks theme eh?

Around the League...

Rangers leading scorer Brendan Shanahan is on the injured reserves list, he suffered a concussion after hitting the brick house wall (uh!) that is Flyers Right Winger, Mike Knuble.

Ottawa Senator’s Coach Bryan Murray became the 5th NHL Coach to reach 600 wins with the Sens win over the Oilers on the 20th. He joins greats like Scotty Bowman, Al Arbour, Dick Irvin and Pat Quinn.

Best Headline This Week? - Montreal Canadiens call up Duncan Milroy and insert him into lineup... Luckily for Milroy they went with Plan B eh?

Ranty McRanterton

The GMs had another series of meeting recently in Florida. You know why they have these meetings so near the end of the trade deadline? To talk trades in their “off hours” (more about that next week) and to come up with little ideas from their little minds to piss me right the fek off, surprisingly they didn’t do that this meeting. Here’s what they’re discussing:

1. 3 points for a win. Why? Doesn’t make any sense... They thought it was a brilliant idea before the strike that killed my hockey for a freaking year, but now apparently cooler heads are prevailing. They rejected it. It keeps the races for placement tight and interesting, it’s a good thing =)

2. Ridding Hockey of that awful fighting. JUST KIDDING!!!! They are thinking about changing the instigator penalty so that toughies won’t be afraid of suspension (like they are, they’re petrified of it I hear...) and will be more likely to step up and defend the “skilled” players. Besides they can’t get rid of contact all together, it’d be just like a NWHL game *snore* - no offence to the Mississauga Aeros or the Quebec City Avalanche (and if you DON’T know why this name makes me laugh, why are you reading a hockey column? Seriously.).

3. Video Replay. Giving the refs a direct line to Toronto and video in the penalty boxes. Y’all should listen to me eh? I love it when I’m right =)

4. 1-minute penalties in OT. Interesting idea, and one that they are smart enough to try out in rookie tournaments and the AHL first. This may be the best idea they’ve come up with yet?!?

Something’s gotta give. I’m sure they’ll fek up the trades or something...

Same Bat time... Same Bat station...

So next week we will be focusing on TRADES and PLAYOFF races. I will also be bragging and bitching about my beloved OHL Jr. A team and their elimination from the playoffs.

* I’ve decided I can use y’all because I’m from Southern Ontario. So there.

Deb is not going to buy you a Mercedes Benz, her friends all drive Porsches, Ugos and GOLF KARTS!

Archives

Posted by Deb Beckers at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

A bit of a hodge-podge this week. We’ll take a quick look at the current playoff standings (as of the 13th), hear what the Great One thinks about fighting, go to a gay movie, and meet a very angry goalie.

Quick Tales from the Game

February 10th, 2007 - Jaromir Jagr became the 12th player in NHL history to record 1500 points. I bet he would have reached this milestone faster if he had cut his hair sooner. Kind of a reverse Samson thing.

February 10th, 2007 - Jordan Staal became the youngest player in NHL history to record a hat trick. His brother plays in the NHL too. He also has two MORE younger brothers who are up and comers. Watch this family – they may be the next and possibly greatest NHL dynasty that we’ll see for quite awhile. Plus they’re all red heads, so you KNOW they’re evil.

February 13, 2007 - On a sad note, a 10-year old boy from Guelph Ontario died today. He had been playing with friends on an outdoor rink on Sunday (11th) when he was hit, on the head, by a stray puck. Always wear a helmet people! My thoughts and condolences go out to his family.

The struggle begins...

So, the All-Star “game” is over and some folks have finally realized that if they don’t get their collective asses in gear they are not going to make the playoffs (again for some). It’s even made the long-shot Flyers take notice. They certainly gave Detroit a sound whipping on Monday!

The eastern conference is going to be the interesting race to watch. No one is going to catch Buffalo (maybe NJ, but please, spare me) and third through 10th are all sitting in the 60’s with the 11th place Rangers on the verge of joining them. It’s a tough division when wins may just keep you where you are and losses can put you down two spots (right Leafs?).

The west is a tad more spread out with the real fights going to be for the 7th and 8th spots. Eight teams are vying for them right now.

The fight for the playoffs is going to be an interesting one. THAT’s what makes the game exciting=)

Dems Fightin’ Words*

Not exactly noted for his body work along the boards, the Great One, Wayne Gretzky has finally weighed in on fighting in hockey. I know that all of you were holding your breath waiting for this, so I’ll put you out of, most of, your misery – hockey CAN’T be responsible for all of it.

“I don't love fighting, it's not something I tell my players to do, it's not something I would do. But as stupid as it sounds, it probably prevents a lot of stick infractions. The unique thing about our sport is that we play with hockey sticks that potentially can be used as weapons. This is a game that is very emotional and guys are only human. Fighting gives them an outlet to release (energy and frustrations) instead of slashing, cross checking and high sticking. You almost never see a tough guy grab a small skilled guy and start (punching) either. There is still a code.”

Gretzky also admitted that his stance has softened over the years.

I’ll allow you to make your own joke.

A heartwarming tale...

Breakfast With Scott is a movie based on a 1999 novel of the same name. It’s the story of a former Toronto Maple Leaf player, his partner, the team’s lawyer, who become the guardians of an 11-year old boy who has some problems of his own.

The NHL looked at the script, gave their approval and passed it on to the Leafs for final approval. They got it.

The NHL is being called groundbreaking. The Leafs head, Richard Peddie, uses the mainstreaming of gay culture (like Will & Grace) as being a factor in their decision to participate in this project.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I support their decision, even admire the fact that they went ahead with this knowing how the Red states were going to react, but then I thought about it.

1. The Red States don’t really care about hockey (some do, like Colorado, but I’m generalizing here);

2. Great publicity for the league and for the movie if there are protests; and

3. Gay (et al) people have money too. Maybe this will bring them a whole new demographic?

I think #3 was their most important deciding factor, for the NHL anyway – the Leafs don’t have to worry about money or fans. Good-on-them for taking a bit of a calculated chance.

Angry? You don’t want to see me angry!

Ottawa Senator’s goalie Ray Emery has been suspended for three games for a goal crease slash on the Montreal Canadiens' Maxim Lapierre in a game last Saturday (10th). Watch it...

What do you think? I call bullshit. Lapierre wasn’t hurt, and could have caused Emery damage with that nice little jab he game him as he was diving the net.

Emery is well known for his temper throughout the AHL and NHL, which may be why the suspension was so harsh. In Emery’s own words (curtsey of the Ottawa Citizen)...

”I think for two games (the Canadiens) made an effort to bump me or kick my feet out or do whatever they could to get me off my game, and I was stupid enough to let it work. I made a mistake and now I'm paying for it.”

$15,000 USD and three games is what he’s paying.

For Turtle

Now that Disney isn’t the owner, you think they’ll change their name? Dancing Flamingos? Prancing Elk? Mighty Moose? I could actually get behind the last one...

Mini Rant

How boring was the All-Star game? Watching paint dry would be an overused saying, but I’m going to go for it anyway.

SNORE.

Look – I don’t expect the normal excitement of an NHL game, no one wants to get hurt, lines haven’t played together before so there is going to be a learning curve. But for the love of Bob, give me something.

What was the final score? I don’t know – I didn’t watch it live. I did tape it though, I stopped half way through. Thank Goddess there is a fast forward is all I’m sayin’.

* quotes courtesy of canoe.ca.

Deb would like to take this opportunity to say good-bye to the best hockey mom who never had a kid actually play organized hockey. My Mom, Margo Beckers, passed away on January 24th. If you want to know more about this amazing woman you can see a bit on my blog (www.deborahbeckers.com) or at the Burlington Cougars website (www.burlingtoncougars.com). Miss ya Mim!

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Ah the 80’s, those halcyon days of my now faded youth... or some such shite. The decade started off with US dominance, moved into Canadian rule and ended up with Canada’s heartbreak. And you thought it was just all about the Hockey hair...

In 1980 there was the “Miracle on Ice”. Leave it to you Americans to give what the Canadians had done, let’s say better, already in 1972, a loftier title. We just called ours “The Summit Series” and kicked ass. The only movie that we made about it is the actual footage of the game. Take that Kurt Russell.

The NHL in the 80’s

What had once been a game of skill and style had become what basically amounted to a boxing match on skates (yes I am looking at you Philly). I don’t know what made the players so angry, I can only guess that the death of Disco had SOMETHING to do with it, but something needed to change.

What we needed was a balance, someone to show the world that hockey was a game of skilled players, not goons! Well, not ALL goons anyway. The 80’s became a decade that was dominated by one man, THE GREAT ONE, but that comes a little later...

The 80’s were dominated by two teams, the NEW YORK ISLANDERS and the EDMONTON OILERS.

1979 – 1983

Top of the heap in 1979, the Isles exited the playoffs, losing to their hated rivals (NY Rangers), who were considered (at the time and still by some) to be a vastly inferior team. After that major disappointment the Isles focused on post season play for their 1980 Stanley Cup run, it worked and the Isles went on to an amazing four (4) year run as Stanley Cup Champions.

Their biggest challenge came in the 1983 finals against the Oilers. Some up-and-coming whippersnapper named Gretzky was shattering scoring records and making the opposing teams scramble to come up with a way to shut him down. The Isles had his number, they swept the Oilers in Four (4). Gretzky didn’t get a single goal.

1984

The 1984 finals found the same two teams fighting for dominance. The Oilers squeaked a 1-0 win in the first game and the Isles came roaring back, winning 6-2 in the second game. Unfortunately, that was pretty much it for the Isles (sorry Michele); they lost the last three (3) games 7-2, 7-2, 5-2. The longest post season win streak in history was over, a new team was emerging.

1985

In 1984 the Oilers had a franchise record of 57 wins (119 points) AND the Stanley Cup. The team carried their momentum over into the ’85 season, defeating the Philadelphia Flyers for their second taste from the Cup.

1986

The Oilers continued their domination during the regular season, breaking franchise and league records, only to lose their division final to the Calgary Flames in seven (7) games (a feat that Edmonton has never really forgiven Calgary for – the bad blood continues to this day). Gretzky may have broken his own scoring record (215 pts – 52g/163a), but a weird bounce off the Edmonton net minder’s skate (Fuhr) ended their quest for three straight cups.

Montréal won that year. I know this not only because I watched the finals, but because the French Immersion teachers at my Middle School went crazy (well crazier) and made us sing hockey songs in French. Oh La La.

1987

Oilers return to the final and win it in seven (7) against the Flyers and their Conn Smythe Trophy winner, rookie goalie, Ron Hextall (who, BTW, according to sources had the hardest shot in the league for a number of years – I believe it – he’s the first Goalie to actually SCORE a goal...).

1988

Oilers win again, losing only two playoff games and sweeping the Bruins in Four (4). Well, really it was in 4 ½. In game four the lights went out in Boston Garden in the second period with the score tied 3-3. The stats from that games still stand, but a full game four was played in Edmonton, where the Oilers won the cup for the last time in ... well let’s just say until they win it again.

88 was also the first year that an “informal” team photo was taken on ice with the Cup. It was suggested by Gretzky and has continued ever since.

1988 – The Darkness Descends, or, Why Canada Hates Janet Gretzky

Gambling problems aside, the darkest day in Canadian NHL history happened on August 9, 1988, when Gretzky announced that he (along with McSorley and Krushelnyski) were being traded to the Los Angeles Kings, for what amounted to a block of wood and a bag of frozen hockey pucks. If we could find a way to blame Bettman for this we would.

An era was over. Canada Wept.

1989

The Calgary Flames won the Cup. They played against the Canadiens. Nobody cares because we are all dead inside. Gretzky is playing in LA.

Deb is glad to be back, mostly. Mainly she’s just shielding herself from the fekking “Artic Air Mass” that is hovering over Southern Ontario like a cloud of really cold locusts who can’t decide if they should stay or go now. If they stay there will be trouble, oh yes there will be. Archives

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A little tired, a lot drugged up with the good cold medicines with codeine, this week all you’re getting out of my foggy foggy brain is a couple of stories that caught my eye this week and a promise that next week we’ll have a long(ish) discussion about the All Star Game and the upcoming playoff races. They’re not that far away really… Is it summer yet?

The Problem with Video Replay

We talked about what would happen when the league got rid of the on-ice goal judges right? Video replay judges. But I just found out something that you all don’t know…

The Video Replay Judges are not even AT the same rink. They’re in Toronto, drinking real beer and deciding whether or not your puck went over the line.

Normally I am ALL about Canadians having some façade of control over the game that we all love (and Bettman hates), but if you’re judging something I kinda feel that you should at least be in the same arena as the game. Gives you a feel for it, makes you focus so you ENSURE you get it right so you won’t face a lynch mob in the parking lot.

Take last Sundays Chicago/Minnesota game. A possible shootout goal by Chicago’s third shooter (Arkhipov) was disallowed after a review. Boo Hoo right? After “careful consideration…”, “one team isn’t going to like the outcome anyway…” crap from Colin Campbell (Director, Operations – NHL) a “close call” was made and they called it a day.

I watched the game – I saw the replay – It was about two inches over the goal line before it was smothered by the goalie. This is going to be fun next season.

The play ends when the puck stops moving right?

Minnesota’s goalie (Fernandez) says “I don’t think it went in.” They obviously listen to goalies.

Pittsburg Takes Control of its Own Destiny

Let me get this straight.

The reason that Jim Balsillie backed out of his deal to buy the Pittsburg Penguins was because the NHL (*coughbettmancough*) wasn’t going to let him move the team. Would not even consider it. Balsillie forfeited $10Million dollars.

Now the league is allowing current owner Mario Lemieux to “entertain offers” from other hungry non-NHL cities while they continue to try and reach a deal with the city of Pittsburgh for a new arena.

The Pens are free to move when the 2006-2007 season ends.

I understand that Ontario really can’t support another NHL team, but what about Winnipeg? Quebec and the Maritimes?

I am going to have to face the fact that as long as a) Bettman remains the head; and b) taxes and incentive are not forthcoming from Canadian Provinces (did you know Ottawa and Montréal pay more tax than ALL the US teams combined?), we are not going to get a franchise.

It still makes me very very angry at the double standard though.

Meet Yutaka Fukufuji, the first native Japanese player in the NHL

First of all, what a great last name.

January 13th LA Kings coach Marc Crawford replaced Goalie Brust with Yutaka making NHL history.

They lost 5-4, with Yutaka stopping 4 of 5 shots. Well it’s the LA Kings, so really it’s not that surprising.

He was an 8th round pick (238th overall), he 6’ 1” and 180lbs. He grew up playing hockey in a small Japanese town named Kushiro, being the goalies because no one else wanted to be.

He saw his first NHL game when he was 15 year old, and never even thought about playing in the NHL until he was drafted. He had been scouted while playing on Japan’s national team. He played for Bakersfield in the ECHL and had a 27-9-5 record with a 2.48 GAA. Not bad, not bad at all.

The Kings need all the help they can get in the net right now (and on defense and offense – what’s with all the soft third period goals?) – I say Good On Ya. He’s going to be an interesting player to watch.

Deb’s looking for the Hot Toddy fountain, call her collect if you find it.

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THIS ONE’S FOR THE BANGERS

…and the mashers, and anyone who has ever been the person who maybe isn’t the best at what they do, but who is good enough to get a shot and certainly shows up every day, putting in time, playing for the love of the game.

This is…

The Ballad of Rory Fitzpatrick

We all know guys like him. They get to come up to the big show for more than a sandwich and a handshake, but aren’t the name stars. 3rd or 4th line is about all they make, but in truth the game couldn’t survive without these guys.

Rory Fitzpatrick is a Rochester NY native who currently plays for the Vancouver Canucks. He was drafted by the Montréal Canadiens in 1993. From the time he was drafted Rory has played for (lets see if I can get this right…) the Sudbury Wolves (OHL), Fredericton Canadiens (AHL), Montréal Canadiens (NHL), Worcester IceCats (AHL), Montréal again, St. Louis Blues (NHL), Worcester again, St. Louis again, Worcester again, Milwaukee Admirals (AHL), Hamilton Bulldogs (AHL), Nashville Predators (NHL), Rochester Americans (AHL), Buffalo Sabers (NHL), Rochester again, Buffalo, Buffalo, Rochester, Buffalo… until landing in Vancouver.

Nice resume. As you can see he was the perfect choice. How can you hate him? You can’t, he’s a hard worker. This season he is +3, 22 PIMs, and has one assist in 28 games. Not really an offensive threat, but his plus/minus shows that he’s definitely more than a pylon on defense. Maybe Montréal should try and get him back eh?

The thinking when a grass roots movement started? Why not send a regular Joe to the All-Star game?

Why not send Rory Fitzpatrick?

I’ll bet the talking heads at NHL headquarters are kicking themselves for allowing hockey fans to vote as often as they like. Heh. At least until they realize what a great FREE marketing tool this has been, for Rory and for the NHL.

The movement even has its own website – www.voteforrory.com. I should point out that this was not done with Rory’s consent or knowledge. Although he is getting a kick out of it, along with some of his teammates who wore “Vote for Rory” shirts to practice.

There have been some media writers and commenters who have jumped on the bandwagon, but the detractors need to take a pill. If I hear one more thing about who DESERVES to go, I’m going to have to go medieval on their collective asses. 905 of the people who deserve to go don’t because it’s a POPULARITY CONTEST. It’s like the cool kids finally get that the geeks get a vote too and are trying to make them look bad for supporting this campaign. Get over it.

In an amazing groundswell of support Rory amassed (voting closed January 2nd) 555,177 votes, putting him third (behind Neidermayer 591,657 and Lindstrom573,069 and ahead of Pronger 433,972 – seriously? I only care that he’s beat Pronger). At one point he was second (top two go to the game)!

I hope that the NHL decides to send him anyway. The fans would certainly love to see that. All Star games are usually BORING. I’d actually watch it if Fitzy was there.

So? Whadda think? Should he stay or should he go?

Rory Fitzpatrick Attack Ad: Scott Niedermayer

Rory Fitzpatrick Attack Ad: Nicklas Lidstrom

Rory Fitzpatrick Attack Ad: Chris Pronger

While Deb does not generally play well with others, she makes an exception for hockey boys and smrt people. Generally.
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Piss on Old Time Hockey!!! Eddie Shore? Piss on Eddie Shore!!!

Icing happen when the puck comes down, bang, you know, before the other guys, nobody there, then my hand goes comes up, then play stops then start up.

I thought I’d give myself a bit of a break this week – I haven’t watched many NHL games this week – I’ve been watching the Junior Worlds. Great hockey – TSN (http://www.tsn.ca/) has even been streaming the games live so I can watch at work – at least until someone figures out where all our bandwidth is going…

Where was I…

If you’re like me you spent a nice portion of these past hellidays with your family and then hibernated in front of the television watching movies (sometimes even at the same time). My tradition is, shockingly, to watch my favourite hockey movies for the hundredth time. So, just for shits and giggles I give you my TOP FIVE hockey movies to watch when you’re trying to either avoid the family or are hoping to shut them up.

Deb’s Top Five

5. Mystery, Alaska (1999)

What’s not to love. There are boys who love hockey, there’s an entire town who are hockey crazy, there’s black ice, Burt Reynolds is the mayor and Russell Crowe vowed never to work in Canada again after freezing his ass off in Alberta. How can you lose?

4. Les Boys (The Boys) (1997)

Canada’s top grossing French film (until #3 came along). Try and find the version that has subtitles (not dubbing for the love of iPod!). It’s, shockingly, a film about small town boys with big dreams who love hockey. If you ever wondered what actually goes on in the locker rooms… this is the 18+ version you’ve been looking for. Seriously though – it’s just a great movie.

3. Bon Cop, Bad Cop (2006)

I cannot recommend this movie too much! Love Hockey? Hate Buttman Bettman? Interested in learning about the differences between Francophones and Anglophones in Canada (i.e. the French/English “problems”)? Plus it’s really really funny.

2. The Boys on the Bus (1987)

It’s a documentary. A documentary that follows THE biggest hockey dynasties in my generation (sorry Montréal). Filmed over the 1986-1987 season, it follows the Edmonton Oilers on their quest for their third Stanley Cup. This movie actually makes me cry. THIS is what a team needs to be (in whatever sport) it’s funny and moving. If you can find a copy GET IT. The most storied team in recent history at their pinnacle, before the trades and the other crap that has sullied the league. Pure Hockey.

1. Slapshot (1977)

How to win fans and influence fashon. Lord save me from the Hansons. Personally I liked the French Canadian goalie the best, but I’m prejudiced. Go into any bar, in ANY hockey town in North America and there will be someone dressed as a Hanson Brother. No movie before and no movie after will ever match it (especially Slapshot II – *SHUDDER* - all copies of that movie should be burned and restitution made to everyone who lost a little bit of their soul watching that piece of CRAP). Most hockey players I’ve known can recite almost the entire movie by heart (and act it out, but that’s another story). BEST MOVIE EVER.

Honourable Mention

Le Chandail (The Sweater) (1980)

This short cartoon from the National Film Board of Canada rocks. It follows the story of a young boy growing up in Montréal, where the Canadiens are kings. He grows out of his hockey sweater so his Mom orders one from “Mr. Eaton”*. The box finally comes and he’s so excited that he can go and play at being The Rocket again. He opens the box… and life lessons are learned. It’s a sweet short.

Alright I’ve giving you mine – Fess up – I know you have some of your own. Maybe even some that AREN’T sponsored by the Rat…

*Canadian department store (EATONS) – it went bankrupt a few years ago – Sears bought what was left.

Deb is going back into her movie coma, send beer (but not that crappy American shite). Archives

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I decided that for my new year’s resolution I would try and treat you buggers to a kinder, gentler Deb; at peace with myself and happy and respectful of my fellow human beings.

Then, last Friday, I open my Yahoo home page and see this headline…

BETTMAN TO MAKE CHANGES IN THE NEW YEAR

How’d you like that!?!? Not even January yet and my resolution is already shot all to hell.

Bettman’s changes (that he’s told us about)

Realigning the conferences

The changes could go into effect next season if the governors and GMs agree at next month’s meeting.

Here’s the skinny…

* They will go from six conferences to four. Two in the East and Two in the West (see breakdown below)

* There will be one 8 team league and one 7 team league in each division.

* The top two teams in each division would be guaranteed the top four playoff seeds within the conference; four wild card playoff berths going to the teams with the next-highest point totals. (FINALLY – this is WAY more fair)

TEAMS:

WEST 8: Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton, Anaheim, Los Angeles, San Jose, Colorado and Phoenix.

WEST 7: Detroit, Chicago, St. Louis, Nashville, Dallas, Minnesota and Atlanta.

EAST 8: New York Rangers, New York Islanders, New Jersey, Philadelphia, Washington, Tampa Bay, Florida and Carolina.

EAST 7: Montreal, Ottawa, Toronto, Buffalo, Boston, Pittsburgh and Columbus.

I actually agree with this change. It’s been a long time coming and it will be a good thing for the league.

I still say that the people putting this together need to invest in an atlas – I can DRIVE to Detroit in about 3 hours… I suppose it’s nice to know that the West is so close… It’s supposedly set up along time zones. Uh Huh.

My Theory, however, is that he’s done this to soften us up for what’s to come in the future…

Things the sneaky bugger is working on…

1. The elimination of Goal Judges.

Surprise! They are testing this out in Dallas as we speak (which makes no sense to me, shouldn’t it be done somewhere where goals are actually scored?). The only real problem I have with this is that if there is no one eyeballing the goals we are going to be having to “go to the tape” a hell of a lot more, slowing down the pace. The most important part of this is the fact that the teams will be able to squeeze in 6-8 more overpriced platinum seats. It’s all about the money, shocking really.

2. BIGGER fekking NETS.

Scoring is slightly down this season (heh), so what do the morons on the “change” committee do? Suggest bigger nets. Hey if there are bigger nets, there will be more goals! That will make the game more exciting to the portion of the Hockey watching public who like their games spoon-fed to them.

I hope that they’re just throwing this out there to distract us from the realignment and goal judges’ thing, but seriously there are other options that REALLY need to be considered first…

a) Reducing the size of the goalie’s equipment; not enough to cause injury, but really losing a few inches on the pads won’t kill a guy (seriously it won’t – it’s the motion of the goalie, not the pads!). Hell you could even take away the stick, or better yet give him the same one that the players use. That’d be interesting to me to watch.

b) Change the size of the rink surface. Go Olympic. More ice surface, faster game, more chances to score.

The league needs to get it through their thick heads that it’s not the number of goals that makes the game interesting; it’s the chances to score. Hell – look at the size of the net in football (soccer), they sure as hell don’t score more because of the size of the nets.

Deb is currently looking for a new resolutions, she thinks they will probably involve chocolate and a gun (or possibly not overusing the word “HELL” in future columns). Drink responsibly!
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‘Tis the season of brotherly (and sisterly) love and all that shite. Doing all my holiday shopping in the last week has filled me with a certain amount of bile and eggnog (not surprisingly, they taste very similar).

Out of what goodness is left in my black, black, heart, I wrote you, the faithless and beautiful readers of FTTW, a song to celebrate the joy that is the sport of hockey.

THE TWELVE RANTS OF CHRISTMAS

(Guess what melody you can hum this to – gold star!)

For the Twelve Days of Ranting Miss Debbie gave to me…

TWELVE Yes Men Yessing.

Bettman came into the league with a clear vision. A clear vision of Basketball. You think anyone in his organization dares to NOT be a Yes man? You think they’re still employed?

ELEVEN Hockey Moms Yelling.

I know it’s not just the Moms (ask Patrick O’Sullivan – he had to get a restraining order against his father), but for the love of the little baby HeyZeus STFU. If I can hear you in the “sealed for your own protection” Press Box – You are too fekking loud.

TEN Million Dollars.

Merry Christmas my little Penguins, RIMs gift to you. Mario can now get his hair styled properly and they can maybe buy some players that don’t suck. Just kidding! The real reason the deal to buy the Pens fell through was Bettman not wanting to let the new owner move the team. He hates Canada. Why would he let us EVER get another team?

NINE Inches of Sludge.

At the bottom of my Hot Chocolate paper cup. You can’t even cut that shit with Baileys!

EIGHT Puck Bunnies Dancing.

Cheerleaders? For hockey? Eh, why not? We wouldn’t have to invest in new thermostats to know if it was cold enough at ice level.

SEVEN Rows of Stitches.

High Sticks? Boarding? Hand to hand combat? Hell yes. Some games have more blood that an UFC fight. Not that bouncing droplets of frozen blood amuses me or anything…

SIX Pounds of Cheap Crack.

What the Buffalo logo graphic designers were smoking. Apparently they shared, if the Vancouver logo is any indication.

FIVE Fekking Shoooooootouts.

My hate for this is WELL documented. Add excitement to the game my ass. It’s like when you wanted to play hockey but you could only find your little sister to play with you, so you stuck her in the net and just kept lobbing tennis balls at her head. BOOOOOOOOOORING. The only time I need a clear winner is when my horse comes in at the track.

FOUR Dying Dynasties (and one I’d like to kill).

Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here to say our goodbyes. Toronto, Philly, Pens, St Louis. *sigh* I will always hope that they’ll rebuild. In other news… Is it Duck hunting season yet?

THREE Helmet Heads.

Why do they send the dumbest sounding pucks to represent the team on national television? Seriously! Sure I like to look at a sweaty man as much as the next girl, but I certainly don’t need to hear the repetitive tripe that is agonizingly yanked out of these hose heads by an overeager announcer/reporter who is just dreaming of a desk job.

TWO Shots on Goal.

Here’s a tip for all you players and wannabe players out there. If you want to score you have to SHOOT AT THE FUCKING NET. Look, I’m happy that you have “perfected” your passing skills, but when you spend more than half the fekking power play passing, looking for the perfect fekking shot you don’t score. Hell – you usually end up losing the puck anyway. Put the GD puck to the net and see what happens. For the love of Dog!

AND A Goalie that Stays in the Crease.

I know that they leave the crease to come out and cut down the angles, fine – you better make DAMN good sure that you have more on your defense than a couple of pilons. I also know you come out to play the puck off to your fellow players, also fine – as long as there is one in your zone. The problem is that you all get caught out and it really makes you look bad it also a)pushes my blood pressure up and not in a GOOD Saturday night kind of way; and b)makes me want to wring your blade shield covered neck (the tying you to the goal thing is an entirely different story).

I wish you and yours a safe and happy holiday season, however you celebrate it. Cheers! Deb

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As the year winds down, I thought it might be fun to look back at my picks from the first column of “I’ll See You On The Ice”, just for kicks – Because I’m so good at the picking of the winners and stuff.

Also I don’t have enough hate in me for a rant this week. It must be the Christmas spirit or some such shite. I am starting my gift shopping next week, so I should be plenty filled with the hate, for the ranting, next week =)

TOP FOUR

Carolina Hurricanes: Four game losing streak. Brind’Amour is out with a “lower body” injury and the team is hurting from his lack of leadership on the ice. Sixth in the Eastern Conference and 13th overall.

Ottawa Senators: Three game losing streak. Got hot for a bit, but seem to have lost the momentum – They lost last Sunday (6-2) to COLUMBUS. Gerber (Goal) is starting to look shaky and Emery is a back-up that hasn’t seen much action this season. Tenth in the Eastern Conference and 18th overall.

Detroit Redwings: Three game WINNING streak. Love him or hate him, Hasek is the hottest goalie in the league right now, not to shabby for an old guy, almost makes me respect him, almost. Sixth in the Western Division and seventh overall. If Hasek and the rest of the team stay healthy they should be able to make a pretty good Cup run.

Calgary Flames: Is one win a streak? Iggy is on FIRE (get it?)! He reached a career milestone of 600 points (300 goals – 300 assists) this week and shows no sign of slowing down. Kiprusoff is still solid in goal. Eighth in the Western Division and 16th overall. They are a much better team than their numbers show.

ONES TO WATCH

Buffalo Sabres: Who knew they were going to have this kind of season? Deb knew that’s who. They have a 9 in 11 overtime record and although they have slowed down their blistering win pace, they are ranked First in the Eastern Conference and Second overall. Now if only they would get a new logo...

Atlanta Thrashers: On a two game skid, but have the #1 goal scorer, Marian Hossa, AKA my MOO. I bet the Sens are kicking themselves for trading him now =) Another team that if you look at their roster, should be doing a lot better points wise. Ranked right behind the Sabres in the East, they’re forth overall and poised to kick some serious arse.

San Jose Sharks: Even though one of their young players (Mark Bell) is facing felony DUI charges, San Jose is currently holding a 22-19-0 record. Strong on all fronts they are ranked Forth in the West and Third overall (don’t even ask me how that’s possible, it just is).

Water Fowl: This supposed team is on a three game win streak. Whatever. They have the top defense team in the league (Pronger/Niedermayer). Whatever. Selanne leads the league with game winning goals. Whatever. Ranked First in the Western Division and First overall. Je ne care pas. Fekking Ducks.

SUCKAGE?

Toronto Maple Leafs: Hello implosion. Started off sucky. Improved just enough to give fans hope... Before crushing the hopes of millions (okay thousands) of children it into a million tiny pieces beneath their dull, dull skates. The only shining light is Raycroft the Goalie, he is also teh hotness. With one of the highest paid defense lines in the league you’d think they’d, well, defend – nope. They end up participating in most of the goals in their own net. Someone needs to clean house, and quickly or there won’t be a post season, again. Eleventh in the East and 19th overall.

Montreal Canadiens: mmmm Something nice to say about Montreal... ummm... Koivu doesn’t suck, he just got his 18th assist of the season, moving him to first overall in assists in the Montreal organization (341). Actually they’re not doing to badly – Forth in the East and Eighth overall. My firend Aaron (Caz) has an un-natural love for Les Boys.

Colorado Avalanche: Joe Sakic passed Al MacInnis on the list of all time assists this week (moving into the 12th position with 936 assists). The Avs are Ninth in the West and 21st overall. The team should ask Santa for a Christmas miracle.

Edmonton Oilers: Goalie Roloson is the strongest player and had his scoreless streak of 134:45 broken last week. Seventh in the West and 12th overall. They need to get a grip.

ASIDES:

Boston Bruins: SEE! I told you that there was hope! Center Patrice Bergeron is on a points streak (3 goals 11 assists in 13 games). Right Winger Glen Murray is just shy of the 600 point mark. Things are looking up =) Twelfth in the East and 20th overall.


The Only Christmas Spirit Deb has can be found in the bottom of a 40 oz’er.
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I was watching a hockey movie on the weekend (The Rocket – very good movie) and I loved the look of the old style hockey games.

Hardly any padding. I mean the jewels were covered, and the knees and elbows, but there was nothing on the head AND, if you were a goalie, nothing on your face.

What a bunch of crazy melon farmers.

It must have been great though. The wind in your hair as you whipped down the ice on a breakaway. Actually being able to hear the other players without a helmet muffle.

I was so inspired that I went out to play some road hockey with the kids next door.

“GAME ON!!!!!”

I learned two things. 1. Goalies are crazy and need masks, if only to hide their ugly mugs; and 2. It is the greatest game in the world, especially when you get to see it through the eyes of someone who is experiencing the game for the first time.

“CAR!!!!!”

Worst Moments/People/etc. in Hockey History

(in no particular order)

1. “I am NOT a crook!” ~ Alan Eagleson

Yeah you are. Head of the NHLPA from 1967-1992, he was convicted of fraud, racketeering and embezzlement. The ass bilked BOBBY ORR (and others) out of their pensions. He’s also the only person ever to resign from the Hockey Hall of fame. No kidding, he’s lucky they didn’t put together a firing squad with napalm pucks.

2. Two words... Harold. Fekking. Ballard.

He took full control of the Leafs in 1971 and for the next 20 years the team went into a downward spiral that they are only now starting to recover from. Ballard let the upstart World Hockey League walk away with his players (including Dave Keon) – word was that he was getting kickbacks. He traded away Lanny MacDonald (players trashed the locker room after the trade was announced) and Darryl Sittler, whom he labeled a “cancer on the team”. The almighty dollar was the only prize he wanted – Bettman would have loved him.

3. Eddie Shore (Boston) – Great Defenseman, but don’t get on his bad side. He’s #7 on the NHL's list of longest number of game suspensions. Also known as the “Edmonton Express”, in a career that ran from 1926 to 1940 he was the NHL’s #1 hood. Opposing players are rumored to have pooled money together to put a hit on him.

Show me a guy who's afraid to look bad, and I'll show you a guy you can beat every time. ~ Lou Brock

4. Speaking of suspensions... Todd Bertuzzi. Lost his head when he jumped Colorado’s Steve Moore from behind, effectively ending Moore’s career. And we can’t forget Marty McSorley (my favourite goon) – he missed 23 regular season games after this Boston Bruin knocked out Vancouver’s Brashear, with a hit, to the head, with his stick.

5. ANY NHL strike. It’s ALWAYS about the money the 1924-25 Hamilton Tigers started it. When management wouldn’t give their players a $200 bonus, this Stanley Cup favored team was suspended from the league because their players refused to play and management wouldn’t budge. Hamilton lost their NHL team in 1925 (they’ve been trying to get one back ever since) when it was sold to a New York Mobster who had made a fortune during prohibition. The team folded in 1942 – never winning the Cup.

Is it weird that I like my worst list better than the “best” list last week? It’s a Bad Boy thing I guess.

Deb would LIKE to go on strike, but doubts anyone would notice
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WINNERS NEVER QUIT AND QUITTERS NEVER WIN...

...I QUIT!* ~Deb

Last Week’s Picks

I don’t want to talk about it.

3 out of 7’s not bad right? Certainly better than last week...

I’m not picking teams anymore. Fek ‘em. (and by ‘em I mean you).

Let’s get straight to the rant shall we?

Mini Rant – now in Boooo Hooooo berry flavour.

Arena seats

I like hockey arenas, I really do. There is nothing quite like the smell of stale popcorn, fresh ice and sweaty men. It’s the smell of hockey and it makes me happy.

Now the old style arenas have bench seating. Harder than rock, put your ass to sleep in 5 minutes type of seating. The thing I really like about the bench style is not only can you squeeze in more people (for playoffs), but there is a sense of togetherness in sharing a blanket, sit-upon or something of that sort. Warming your hands on the hotter than Hades drink they call hot chocolate (the one with the inch of sediment at the bottom), and sharing a laugh, a concern (like the fact that the arena staff never freakin’ turn on the heat) or just your day with the other die-hards at the rink. I like the bench style – it fosters a sense of community.

The new one’s, I have a problem with - no togetherness, no sharing warmth because the seat designed for an 8 year old’s ass doesn’t quite fit your over 20 (yes I’m being nice) year old one. You can’t even share a blanket without one of you having something plastic jammed in some pretty uncomfortable places.

And don’t even get me started on NHL Arena seats. Also designed for 8 year olds and squished so tightly together that the guy sitting beside you better not fart or your entire row is going to go tumbling from the balcony onto the platinum and gold seat assholes below.

At least you get to snuggle with strangers.

Like many here at FTTW I like lists. In fact it’s hard for me to get through a day without them, even WHEN I take all my meds.

So I’m gonna do a list. Because I can.

Best moments in Hockey

(Next week we’ll do the “worsts” so start thinkin’)

Here’s my top five...

1. The “Summit Series” Canada vs. Russia (1972)

Will it make you sad to know that I wasn’t even born yet and it’s still my #1? Just old eh?

This game is imprinted into every Canadian. Hell I even bought the anniversary DVD and re-watched the game over and over. THAT was hockey before the commercialization of the sport.

2. Canadian Women win the Gold Medal (2002)

GIRL POWER!!!! Some seriously ass kicking girls, who score AND talk about it afterwards.

3. Domi’s fight with a Philly fan...

Brings a tear to my eyes.

4. Ray Bourque finally lifts the Stanley Cup (2001)

I have admired this man’s style and skills for years. It was really rice to see him hoist the big prize.

5. Canadien’s win the Stanley Cup with Maurice “The Rocket” Richard scoring the tie breaking goal (against Boston), injured, with blood streaming down his face. (1952-53)

This is the man so revered by Montréalers and Quebecors in general that when he died in 2000 he was given a state funeral. Played his entire career as a Hab.

What are yours?

* Not writing the column dumb ass.

Deb is. The End. Archives

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There are two types of forwards. Scorers and bangers. Scorers score and bangers bang. ~ Ken Dryden

Wadda we got for you? We’ve got the reason Deb never bets on sports, missed opportunities and a bit of nostalgia – not to mention a column that is 99% Rwah free...

Weekend Roundup

I’ll keep it simple...

FRIDAY

Ottawa at New Jersey

I picked Ottawa, Jersey won.

Pittsburg at Buffalo

I picked Pittsburg, Buffalo won.

Detroit at Calgary

I Picked Detroit, Calgary won.

SATURDAY

Phoenix at LA

I didn’t pick anyone, LA won. Surprisingly it wasn’t a bad game to watch.

New Jersey at Toronto

I picked Toronto, the Devils won.

Buffalo at Ottawa

No Pick, Ottawa won (AGAIN!)

Philly at San Jose

I chose the Sharks, and *gasp* the Sharks actually won! Go me. Revel in my sarcasm.

SUNDAY

GREY CUP – I chose Montreal to win, BC won.

I rule.

Next Week’s Picks (ones to watch)

FRIDAY

Carolina at Boston

Ward is looking solid in the net (12 of the last 13 starts have been his) and Brind’Amour is rockin with six goals and seven assists in the last eight games. Boston is on a bit of a streak winning four straight (to Nov 18th). Patrice Bergeron has scored the game winning goal in three of the four and assisted on the winning goal in the forth. This one’s going to be a good one if both teams are on their games. Pick: Carolina

Pittsburg at RI

The Pens are 8-1 against Atlantic Division teams and sadly I don’t see their dominance changing with this game against the Islanders. The only bright spot for the Isles is LW Jason Blake – he’s off to a career best start scoring a team leading 11th goal in the loss against the Maple Leafs on Monday. Pick: Pens

Montreal at Buffalo

Félicitations to Montréal for scoring their first goal since October 26th (v. Boston). It’s cute how the fans still think they’re the best team in the world. Buffalo leads the league in Goals For, no surprise, and seem to have woken up from their deep sleep of late. They are totally going to kick some Habitant arse.

SATURDAY

Boston at Toronto

Will the Bruins’ solid play help them against the, quite frankly, better team? Raycroft is back (thank the Gods) and after working out a few kinks* is playing near his peak. They have a defensemen (McCabe) who’s on a six game point streak and Mats is iffy to play. I pick Toronto (and not just for spite).

Rangers at Pittsburg

This one might be a challenge for the Pens. Jagr just reached his 600th goal )does anyone else miss his hair? Anyone? Bueller?). Shanny is on a six game point streak and the only fly in the ointment is the Rangers tendency to take a few too many penalties. Look for Jagr to score (to make up for not scoring his 600th on them) and some ruff and tumble on the ice. Pick: Rangers

Detroit at Nashville

Edmonton cut up Jason Williams pretty bad (as they are wont to do in Edmonton, but he’ll be back in the line-up for the Nashville game, much to Detroit’s relief. Chelios is one game shy of tying Phil Housely for the most NHL games played by an American player. Assuming he plays on Wednesday (against Vancouver) he’ll break that record at the Friday game at the home of the Blues. Paul Kariya just “celebrated” his 100th game with the Preds and THAT’s about all they have going for them right now. Pick: Detroit

SUNDAY

Buffalo at Rangers

Two hard hitting and scoring teams. Buffalo has four days off after this game, maybe they can get some shopping done in NYC, because they’re going to have a lot of energy after beating the Rangers.

MINI RANT

You know what totally sucks? The fact that I can write about how good things were in the “good ole days” – I don’t want to be that old, and yet...

Do you remember when referees could take a joke? When you could play “Three Blind Mice” during a game and everyone would chuckle good-naturedly whilst swearing at the bad calls?

You can’t do that anymore. Oh you can still swear (for now), but the days of mice are over, because it’s offensive. I guessing it’s offensive to the refs as I haven’t seen any mice with glasses or canes around the arena lately.

What’s next? I’m not going to be allowed to play the jeopardy theme when they are taking FOREVER to decide on a call? No more Dr. Feelgood? Maybe we’ll have to stop playing the goal horn, after all it’s probably offensive to the opposing team...

Where does it stop? Maybe I can convince them I was only playing “Hot Crossed Buns”...

* I need to take a moment here to let my mind wander, into the gutter.

Deb does indeed rule, for further information on this subject please refer to your Mom.
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You don't have enough talent to win on talent alone. ~ Herb Brooks

2006 Hockey Hall of Fame Inductions

Builders

Harley Hotchkiss – An Officer of the Order of Canada he was an owner of the Calgary Flames before, during and after their Stanley Cup win in 1989. He brought the Flames to Calgary from Atlanta. THAT’s how I know that Bettman doesn’t get at HHOF vote.

Herb Brooks – Otherwise known as the person who helped ignite hockey fever in the USA. It was pretty much promptly extinguished, notwithstanding the Disneyfication of the 1980 Olympic Hockey gold metal team. The native Minnesotan was a tough coach (at every level he coached at) and was respected across the league. His induction is posthumous (single car accident in Aug 2003).

Players

Dick Duff – A hockey prodigy from Kirkland Lake Ontario, landing a full time slot with the Toronto Maple Leaf when he was 19 (1955). He was part of the team rebuilding and was integral to the Leafs 1962 Stanley Cup win (over Chicago). He was traded to the Rangers and then to the Canadiens where he was part of four more Stanley Cup Champion teams.

Patrick Roy – First off *I* thought he was still playing, but he retired in 2003. It’s a testament to his contributions as a goalie to the game of hockey that he not only be considered in his first eligible year, but that he’d be chosen as an inductee. Love him or hate him there is no denying that he was the first of his breed of brash, trash talkin’, goal stoppin’ puck targets that Québec has become famous for.

Congratulations to all of this year's inductees.

You're playing worse every day and right now you're playing like the middle of next week
~ Herb Brooks (1980 USA Olympic Team Coach and 2006 Hockey Hall of Fame Inductee)

So let’s get down to the nitty gritty...

The week that was...

Damn Ducks at Calgary (Fri)
Spanking the Ducks at 3-0. It was a beautiful sight, brought a tear to my eye... Kiprusoff is getting hot in goal and the ones you look to to score are actually scoring (It’s amazing what happens if you actually shoot AT the net – Bruins take note.

Florida at Buffalo (Fri), Buffalo at Philly (Sat)
Buffalo beat Florida in OT on a lucky shot that the goalie didn’t even see. They played like crap for two and a half periods and THEN started to wake up. On Saturday they won in OT again, against PHILLY. AGAINST FEKKING PHILLY.

It’s starting to happen folks. They are getting cocky and lazy. If they don’t smarten the FEK up they are going to end up in the basement, with the Flyers and Coyotes.

Ottawa at Pittsburg (Fri) , Ottawa at Boston (Sat)
Sure Ottawa has had a slow start, but they’ve made some line changes, sent down a goalie and are really really trying. Surely Santa will bring them a win? Maybe before Christmas? Maybe Santa will bring Hossa back, you know Moo? The #1 points leader in the league? The one you traded away...

Thank Santa or whoever for Friday’s beating of the Pens (6-3). Heatly is starting to step up and lead the team. I just wish that Alfie (captain) would get his act together and LEAD. His skating skill and speed seem to be a bit off lately.

I had such high hopes for the Boston game, but they lost. Ottawa that is (4-3). They scored early in the third but Bergeron’s late goal sealed their fate. Boston looked good in this game, their passes were actually connecting (with the right players) and their goaltending was solid. See HOPE!

Montréal at Toronto (Sat)
YAWN. 5-1 Toronto. Their best start in quite a while. Notice though how they seem to play a hell of a lot better without their injured captain on the ice? I’ll admit that I was worried when Raycroft (goalie) pulled his groin in a bad way (I offered to help him ice it, but calls to Maple Leaf headquarters go unanswered). But the back-up has been doing just fine thank you.

I hate to say it but the Leafs might just be fun to watch (for awhile, until they fek everything up).

Minnesota at LA (Sat), Minnesota at Phoenix (Tues)
Coming off a 3-1 loss to the Sharks the Wild bounced back with a win (3-2) against the very hard to defeat LA Kings. *snort* What an awful game, on BOTH sides. I can’t even describe the horror of all the fekked up plays and missed opportunities. I expected more from Minnesota.

And then... Had a respectable loss against the Damn Ducks (3-2). They almost rallied in the third. It was an exciting game to watch.

And then... Gave up a TWO GOAL lead and get beaten (4-3) by the Coyotes, a team that is currently helping Philly furnish the basement (I’m guessing they’re a top). They also lost two key players to injury, D Carney to a concussion and enforcer Boogaard (which, by the way is the most awesome name ever) who hurt himself (with help from Phoenix’s Laraque) when he fell down and went boom.

Kinda like this entire five game road trip.

Ottawa at Buffalo (Wed)
4-2 for Ottawa. What did I tell you?!?!?!? Some, (okay me) would tell you that the Sens are due, that they’ve been working hard and they were due. Whatever. That may be true but Buffalo is not stepping up their game. NEWS FLASH – Hey Buffalo! The other teams have figured you out, you may want to start switching it up a bit, try playing HOCKEY instead of what ever the hell you were trying to play. You are no longer the big cat toying with the wee mousies, you’re going to actually have to show up and play.

This Weekend’s Games... (the ones I’m going to watch)

Friday

Ottawa at New Jersey
Ottawa is running hot and cold as are the Devils. They’re pretty evenly matched skills wise, but with their surprise win over Buffalo last week I’ll have to give the advantage to Ottawa.

Pittsburg at Buffalo
If I didn’t have Jr. A (GO COUGARS) hockey tonight I’d BE at this game. Just to see if I’m missing something about The Golden Child (Crosby) that doesn’t show up on TV, like an aura.

Buffalo have been Slackey McSlackertons lately, so I’m going to pick Pittsburg – just because no one else will do it willingly.

Detroit at Calgary
I know I should root for the Canadian team, but I love Detroit. Even though they traded my Shanny to the Rangers (where he’s doing VERY well). Detroit has been doing really well thus far (although they really haven’t been the standouts they could be). Calgary is off to a VERY slow start, but is starting to gain some momentum. Slight advantage: Detroit.

Saturday

Phoenix at LA - How bad is THIS game gonna be? I’m taping it so that I can enjoy the badness anytime I want. I’m not even going to choose a winner because with a game like this? Everyone wins but the players.

New Jersey at Toronto - Toronto. Damn it. Toronto. What a season so far and Mats is not going to be in the lineup so I’m going to HAVE to pick Toronto. I don’t like the Devils anyway.

Buffalo at Ottawa - OOOOOOOOOOOOOH, Rematch! This one could get nasty (or as nasty as the beige Senators can get without Chara)

Philly at San Jose – The Sharks will take this, no doubt in my mind. The real question though is whether or not Forsberg will have another meltdown.

Sunday

It’s Grey Cup 2006!!!! The BC Lions vs. the Montréal Alouettes. In Winterpeg!

Canadian Football babies. I’m mostly just ecstatic that Toronto (Argonauts) didn’t make it to the cup. But Go MONTRÉAL GO!!!!!

For the record, CANADIAN FOOTBALL KICKS AMERICAN FOOTBALL ARSE. In my “humble” opinion. We play a three down game (quicker game), larger playing field, an extra player, no fair catch rule; we can move (offensive backfield players, except the QB) in any direction as long as it’s behind the line of scrimmage and many more. To me it’s just more fun to watch. Oh yeah, and OUR BALLS ARE BIGGER.

And also – there are some hockey games that I don’t care about.

Deb is currently undefeated, she’s not sure who the challenger is, but she assures us she is undefeated.

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…the other half is BEING mental. ~ Jim McKenny”

It’s Friday! Deb is back! What could be more exciting than her weekly column? Nothing, that’s what.

Come with me on a journey of mystery, of excitement, with just a touch of the hockey crazies…

LEAGUE ROUND-UP

Islanders (18th*)

As usual I am coming in late with my observations and information. Deal.

NOLAN is the Head Coach! WHOOT! It’s nice to see the Jack Adams Trophy*** winner, who all but disappeared from professional hockey back in the league again.

Hell, I know he has attitude and a chip on his shoulder, but he is a great coach. I hope he gets what he wants out of this experience with the Isles, because he deserved much better than what he got after the 1996-97 season. It’s nice to see him back. I just worry about him working with the crazies in the office and the so called “players”.

Speaking of players…

Garth Snow is the General Manager? Seriously? This is the same goalie that sucked so bad that he had to resort to using Lacrosse goalie pads? I mean he was in Philly at the time, but geeze. Does the owner know?

Oh wait. Charles Wang is the owner, riiiiight. That man is, and I don’t say this lightly, in a sport where men shoot frozen rubber pucks and hit each other with timber, a crazy MF**. He’s the guy that signed Rick DiPietro to a 15 freakin’ year contract. That’ll make him Rickie 40 when he retires, barring injury or a return to his senses.

No offence to you Long Islanders, but why the hell would a supposed “up-and-comer” want to tie himself to the team for that long, especially THAT team. They totally should have done a CAT scan on him before he signed.

Phoenix (29th)

Centre Mike Comrie fractured his foot (puck, damn frozen rubber) in the teams 6-2 loss against the Team I Refuse To Name, but rhymes with… luck.

He’s going to need surgery; he’s their top scorer; they are so screwed – I mean more than normal. Yes, yes, they did win the following night against the Kings but HELL, I can beat the Kings, blindfolded and listening to my iPOD. Get well soon Mikey.

Vancouver (15th) / Avalanche (11th)

Wow! What an exciting third period between these two teams (that I care nothing about) last Saturday. No, seriously, the third really indeed did rock. My favorite part was seeing several fans in the stands wearing Nordiques jerseys. The Poutine lovin’, French-Canadian part of me wept with remembrance. Je me souviens, Bettman, je me souviens.

Philly (30th)

Dear Flyers,

Yeah. Okay. You have eight points now, almost enough to make you take your skates off to count them properly. I think your goal for the season is to get enough so that you can drop trou. I’d buy a ticket to that, quite frankly.

Meltdown all you want Forsberg, your hissy fits make me laugh – you have so much anger, maybe you should channel that into scoring (on the ice) or something, instead of being Das Suxor. I’m just sayin’.

Love and Kicks to the Head (yeah that one),

Deb “Cheese Steak” Nero – cuz babies, I am fiddling. Feel the burn.

Toronto (9th) / Buffalo (1st)

What.The.Fuck.4-1.For.Toronto! Did I see the right game? Was I still in the alternate universe with all the rainbows and unicorns and shit?

It was like watching a AAA midget team playing, well, the Maple Leafs. Jesus H. Christmas – at least Buffalo beat the Rangers on Sunday…

Boston (24th)

Do not lose all hope; you may retain 33.33% percent of it. Chara (dude is 6’ 9” WITHOUT SKATES) is starting to produce, goals and hits. I know you shouldn’t be depending on your defensemen for scoring, but you gotta take what you can get. Boston may be down, but they’re not completely out – they may surprise us all and creep into a playoff spot.

Pittsburg (16th) / San Jose (6th)

Their game last Saturday was a lot of fun to watch, but where the hell was the Golden Boy (Crosby)? His plus minus for the game was (-2) and the Sharks didn’t let him near enough to the net to get one freaking point.

The only production from him all night was the slick Gatorade spot that ran during the commercial breaks. Not that I’m complaining. I think he’s overrated, he reminds me of Lindros, but without the psycho family.

The entire team was stonewalled by San Jose’s Rock ‘em Sock ‘em style. The Sharks just plain wore them down. It was coaching and endurance at its best, only 41 minutes in penalties. Heh.

MINI RANT

WTF is up with this year’s schedule? It’s worse than last years. I know they are trying to emphasize divisional match-ups but come on. It gets soooooooo boring if they are playing the same teams over and over again (just ask Toronto and Ottawa fans).

I want to see some west coast teams play and I don’t want to have to fly to Calgary to do it. To quote my father ”Do you SEE any money growing on my back?”

Did you know that because of the schedules for the last couple of years there are some teams that are not going to play each other at all? Asinine, totally asinine.

This is supposedly going to be a topic up for discussion at last Tuesday’s (November 7th) GMs meeting. I just hope they do it right next year.

One thing right – that’s all I ask…

* League Standings (i.e. overall, I’m not taking divisions and conferences, just like it SHOULD be for the playoffs, but I digress)

** MF= Melon Farmer, what did you think I meant? Go look in a mirror and mouth Melon Farmer – I’ll wait.

*** Most kick ass coach or something. Go Google – I’ll wait.

Deb is done ranting now, she’s going to go and get the bottle of Bailey’s, a straw, and is going to bed. FOR the record, she is still using Johnny Cash in the third period of the Jr. A games, little bastards.

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You can feel it in the electricity before the game starts, that mish-mash of voices talking about their day, going for beer, discussing the latest trade scandal or rhapsodizing about the possibilities that the night will bring.

The noise becomes a gentle hum as the house lights dim, the seats begin to throb with the resounding bass and the ice is filled with swirling images of the teams that are about to do battle.

You can take away the darkness, you can even take away the announcer, but if you take away the music you will be left with nothing.

When the gladiators finally take their places amidst the swirling trade-marked images, the beat of their hearts become ours as it swells with the music and we can finally answer the question…

Yes, Michael Buffer, we are indeed ready to rumble.

~~

Music, for me, is the most important element at any hockey game. I will readily admit that I am biased*, but if I don’t hear AC/DC at least once a game it feels like something’s missing.

You have to be careful with your selections though, as the Crystal Gayle incident taught me**. Not every song, no matter how much you love it, is appropriate. Gallo I am looking at you.

You have your classics…

Black Betty (Ram Jam), Come Out and Play (The Offspring), Crazy Train (Ozzy), Final Countdown (Europe), Anything AC/DC (esp. Thunderstruck, Hells Bells, Jailbreak and You Shook Me), Anything Ramones, It's The End of the World... (Great Big Sea – REM did the original, but this one is MUCH faster), I Wanna Drive the Zamboni (the Zambonis), Kung Fu Fighting (Carl Davis), Hit the Road Jack (ray Charles), Mama Said Knock You Out (LL Cool J), Thunder Kiss ’65 (Rob Zombie – my favorite fight song), Raise A Little Hell (Trooper), Rock & Roll All Night (Kiss)…

I could be here all day suggesting songs; I have 2000+ on my hockey play list. There are a few I’m not allowed to play, like the Three Stooges Theme (three blind mice) – a team in our league got a bench minor and fined by a ref who had no sense of humor. It was probably the one I call “SURLY”. We don’t get along. But I digress.

My new favorite hockey music story comes from the game last Friday.

We were down 3-0 at the end of the second period. Just before the boys came back out onto the ice, one of the parents burst into the press box with an idea.

You see, at the last away game we had been down 7-2 at the end of the second, but we had rallied and ended up winning that game 9-8. He couldn’t remember the song that the opposing team had played, but he knew it was Johnny Cash.

Did I have any Johnny Cash?

Of course I did.

The boys took to the ice to Johnny’s “Get Rhythm” and scored 20 seconds later. We ended up tying the game (we were even ahead by one with two minutes left – but I’ll swear about defensemen another day).

The legend of the music is now part of our team history. We have a new “clutch” song and we will use that song until it stops working.

A good DJ (for lack of a better word) will find the perfect song for the perfect situation. Nothing makes me happier than seeing rink rats dancing, fan heads bobbing, fists flying and our Goalie grooving to the music.

Music may be the food of love, but it’s the blood of any hockey team. It pumps up the players and it pumps up the crowd. It doesn’t just make the game, it makes the game better.

What are some of your favorite hockey songs or song memories?

* I do the game night music for our local OHL Jr. A team

** back-up music person *coughGALLOcough*, decided it was a good idea to play “Don’t it Make my Brown Eyes Blue” during an extended break in play. I am still fighting the urge to maim her.

Here Deb is, she’ll rock YOU like a hurricane in a minute (or at least freeze you like an Alberta clipper).

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Posted by Michele Christopher at 12:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

Hello and welcome to the Bizzaro™ NHL. Buffalo is 9-0-0 (as of Monday night), Toronto and Montréal are in the top 10 (overall), Los Angeles is ranked higher than Detroit, we have a team that I swear to Bob I had no idea existed until last week and the Philadelphia Flyers are imploding in a most spectacular way.

Shuffle off to Buffalo

I know I talked about them last week, but they are SPECTACULAR (and now that I’ve said that they will commence to the sucking in 3…2…1…).

I picked them for a team to watch and boy-oh-boy have they been fun to watch; kicking ass all over the league. Miller (Goal) has been outstanding, he’s like a pig-built brick house, ain’t nothing getting through him. The defense as a whole and their vet Numminen in particular, have been outstanding. Goal production across all lines has sealed the deal. It’s textbook hockey and it gets the adrenalin pumping.

No Poutine for You!

Now, I’m not going to pretend that either of these two teams (Montréal and Toronto) have it completely together. Goal production is still a major issue for both teams – they need to stop relying on their money players. In Toronto, Sundin and Tucker can’t be the only ones who know what a net look like right? In Montréal they are going to need underperforming players like Bonk and Murray to step up.

Defense wise? I’m not saying that they don’t HAVE defensive players, but you shouldn’t rely solely on the goalies and the forwards. Know what I’m saying? Especially since both on Montréal’s goalies need work. Raycroft (Toronto) is okay, in fact he’s the reason that they ARE so high in the standings. If only his defensemen would do their jobs, Toronto could be the top team.

I’m not too sure about Montréal’s chances this season, but look for the Leafs to implode about halfway through the season, sooner if there are any major injuries.

Repeat after me Los Angeles… HOCKEY… NOT ICE Hockey!

The Kings are not doing too badly, all things considered. It could always be worse…

They have good leadership in vet Rob Blake (returning from Colorado). They just need to learn to pass to each other and shoot at the opposing teams net. My advice would be to stop looking to Roller Derby as inspiration. Watch the ’72 series instead.

Detroit is struggling, and when I say “struggling” I mean sucking. They don’t know how to play without Shannahan or Yzerman. Simple as that. Anyone want to start taking bets at how long it will be before you see Stevie back with the club in some sort of coaching role?

Only then will Hockeytown smile again.

Hello, My Name is…

So I’m watching the Toronto game last Friday with my Dad. I came in late and settled in.

“Who are they playing?” I ask.

“What? What’s that?” Apparently I woke him up.

So I look at the handy dandy score box, TOR at CBJ.

“Who the hell are CBJ?”

“What? What’s that?”

I ignored him. Did he put it on the wrong channel? Were we watching an AHL game? Or worse?

Then the announcer says the name that I will never forget “Columbus Blue Jackets”.

When the hell did Columbus get a team?*

I Knew That Much Cheese Couldn’t Be Good for the Heart

They have three points. The only team they have beaten is New York (currently 17th overall). They are in the basement.

So what’s The Philadelphia Flyers management to do? Clean house of course. They have lost their way and the man who arrogantly led them to this place? Just quit. But I’ll let him explain it in his own words…

“I had enough of being General Manager and I no longer wanted to make the decisions that General Managers have to make.” ~ Bob “Clarkie”** Clark

Let me translate. “Y’all are losers and I don’t like to be associated with losers, besides – rebuilding the team is too much like work and work will cut into my ‘personal grooming’ time.”

Now I know that there are some that will rejoice in the Icarus like fall of the Flyers. Don’t get out the party favors just yet. I have a theory.

Canada will save you.

How? You may ask. HOW will you save our annoying little bottom dwelling “hockey” team?

Because I love you, I will tell you.

Remember Pittsburg? Remember Pittsburg when it was in its heyday? The “Super” Mario Lemieux and Jaromir Jagr years? Got it?

Now remember Philly. Remember the cup runs of the early and late 90’s? Remember Lindros (before his head turned to glass) and John LeClair – what a line that was. Got it?

See any parallels?

I think the Flyers owner is going to cut and run, well jog. Who will buy this sad bargain team?

A Canadian. I don’t know which one, but one of us will do it.

Want to know why?

1. To piss of Bettman; and

2. We want our teams back you bastards!

I give them three years…

Deb hasn’t been to sleep in 72 hours – Deal with the Great Canadian Wrath! Or not, whatever

* Apparently their first season was 2000-2001, who knew?

** How lame is THAT nickname? ~ Deb AKA “Spud” (but only by my Daddy).

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Posted by Michele Christopher at 12:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

I’ve been watching a lot more hockey this season* thanks to the NHL Centre Ice satellite package that I can now write off. It’s a nice change, being able to see games that are not in my market, instead of finding out the scores and following the assorted torrid happenings on-line.

I just have one, simple question…

When did the team logo designers start doing crack WHILE they were designing?

Have you seen the Buffalo Sabres new logo? It’s a comma, an angry one; but who can really blame it.

The old (old) logo was a fine, if boring a charging buffalo about to decapitate itself, over crossed sabers, hence the team name.

Then they updated the logo and used jut the buffalo head. Gave him some kick ass horns, taught him how to use the blow-dryer settled him on a pool of blood and gave him a glowing red eye (okay not REALLY glowing, but stare at it for a moment and tell me he’s not going to kill you…). It looks good on white, it looks good on black, and it’s a simple design that is easily recognizable.

One night, while smoking the cheap crack (probably from Canada) some guy had a bad trip and was attacked by punctuation. It’s the only possible explanation for the new logo. Sure it still has the glowing red eye and they’ve gone back to the first logo’s colour scheme, but come on! It’s a horrid yellow that, on white, looks like a mustard stain and on black, looks like a squashed bug. It’s small so it’s hard to see any definition from the stands or, more importantly, on TV. He looks like he’s trying to escape, not to maim the opposing team, but to exact revenge on its creators. Guess who I’m rooting for.

Sometimes though, the designers get it right. Take the Phoenix Coyotes (please!) for example…

The old logo was a mess, some kind of mammal with a triangular head, and a phantom goalie mask on that probalby isn’t legal. It’s very artsy – I’m sure all the retirees in Arizona love him; he does fit their décor after all. Too many colours, too busy and it’s just ugly.

New management et voila! Three colours, easy to spot in the stands and on TV, an easily recognizable design. Scary animal! With teeth! Howling at the moon to give you the 10 second warning before it opens up a can of canine whoop ass on you. The Coyotes have the right logo, too bad they don’t seem to have the right team. Maybe they can switch with buffalo? Probably wouldn’t work. Don’t tell Bettman.

Speaking of my favourite whipping boy; the NHL itself got a new logo, well an updated one anyway. Did you notice?

Last summer I was “lucky” enough to hear Bettman speak at the International Trademark conference in Toronto** where he explained the reasoning behind the changes to the shield. I have paraphrased.

1. The colour was changed to silver to match the Stanley Cup.

2. It was also given a 3D look to suggest the NHL’s rising from the ashes of the lockout/strike. Just kidding – the 3D look was also inspired by the Stanley Cup. It’s meant to mimic the tiered rings that serve as the Cup’s base.

3. Instead of pointing downwards, the NHL insignia now points upwards – towards the future (seriously). It’s meant to show that the NHL is a forward thinking and moving organizations.

The design works because it doesn’t fool with tradition, it enhances it.

A lesson for all teams thinking of fooling with their logos. Learn from the mistakes of the Sabres (and the Bruins with their ugly third jersey).

Now I want to know about your favourite hits and misses. What team logo makes you want to go out and buy it? Which one makes you want to burn it?

* Next week’s column will be a round up of the first few weeks of the season – I promise. You all should let me know if there are any teams in particular that you want me to rant on. I can work myself into a frenzy over almost anything, I’m lucky that way.

** Yeah, my life rules. Hockey follows me even to my day job.

Deb is apparently taking her medimication this week. She promises that this (will probably) be the last time she talks clothes in this column. Jock straps, however, are still fair game.

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Posted by Michele Christopher at 12:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (9) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

Today I’m going to talk to you about the most beloved man in hockey. Nope, not Walter Gretzky and it’s not Jim Balsille* either. I man I speak of is strong of mind (even if he’s wrong), has a will of steel (but no brass balls), and is dragging the NHL kicking and screaming into the future...

Gary Bettman

Did I say beloved? Sorry, typo, I meant beHATED. Je ne like him pas, as they say in Hull. He tries, but he never quite gets it, does he? To fully understand my, and Canada’s, um – dislike, of Bettman, all you have to do is watch the hysterical Canadian film “BON COP, BAD COP”, it even explains why Eric Lindros cannot go into the province of Quebec, but I digress. Find this movie, download it, do whatever while I explain the phenomenon that is Gary Bettman.

BAD THINGS...

Where to begin...

a) He’s grown the league. He’s grown the league into markets where no one has ever heard of Hockey, without adequate marketing and has “moved” teams from money making markets into these untraditional markets. Points for trying something new, three frozen pucks to the head for being a dumbass about it.

b) During his tenure, revenue has increased across the league by $1.2 billion. WHOOT right? Most of that revenue has come from increased ticket and merchandise sales from established markets, at least four teams have declared bankruptcy and a few are teetering on the edge (salary cap or not).

c) Raised attendance, overall. Again, propped up by the established league and creative accounting practices. Many tickets at money losing American venues (like Nashville) are either given away or sold for lower than the face value, pumping up the attendance numbers that Bettman likes to keep shoving in our faces every time he gives an interview.

d) TV Coverage. Canada’s covered by the CBC; Hockey Night in Canada is an institution – you have to be able to at least hum the theme song if you want to get Canadian citizenship. The US, however, has a problem. How many homes get OLN? Heard of it? Thought so. Bettman’s lost season (see The Strike, below) cost him the ESPN contract and viewership is down 60%. If it was regular TV he’d be so cancelled.

e) The Strike. A year without NHL hockey! Hockey arenas around North America were filled with people trying to get their hockey fix. I know my local Junior A team (GO COUGARS!) saw a jump in attendance. Really though, it was horrible and I will NEVER forgive Bettman or the NHLPA head** (whose name I refuse to even type) for making hockey go away. There is a special place in hell for both of them, preferably together, giving each other red hot magma sponge baths, for all eternity.

BON THINGS...

a) Changing the Team Conferences from Wales and Campbell to East and West. I know it was tradition, but it always confused me. A happy Deb is one who knows what’s going on.

b)NHL participation in Olympic Games. Even though Bettman didn’t want to do this, he was finally convinced in time for the Salt Lake City games. By allowing NHL players to participate in the games he raised the visibility and profile of the game world wide and more importantly in the US. So he gets point, even though he was forced into it.
New Rules. Say what you will about the things in the “BAD” section but Bettman’s salvation lies in the new rules. Faster game play, hurry up line changes, two line passing, goalie restrictions and rules that crack down on interference and obstruction in the neutral zone have made the NHL game a better one to watch. It was getting to the point where you couldn’t tell the players hockey skill level, only their interference skill level. We actually get to see passing, playmaking and, yes children, some great fights. The only rule I am having a hard time loving is the shootout. It seems cheap to me. If a goalie has had a great game, bringing it to a tie at the end of the third, all the weight now rests on his shoulders; it’s no longer a team game.

MISSIONARY MAN...

Bettman is a man on a mission and, like NASA, not every plan has worked out the way he wanted it. Sure his (mis)management skills were there to see before he was hired away from the NBA (another sport that was invented by a Canadian by the way). It was even confirmed when Business Week magazine named him one of the worst managers of 2005.

Commissioners are never loved. The best that he can hope for is to die in their sleep is to be remembered for at least one good (or okay) thing that they did. I just hope for Bettman’s sake that the improvements are enough.

We just have to learn not to hate the player.

* Dude who’s the CEO of “crackberry”, aka RIM, and just bought the Pittsburg Penguins.

** Some of the players don’t even like him, Chelios is getting a group together to sue him for not representing their interests…

Deb is fluent in two languages, English and Franglais (or Fringlish); she is taking applications for tutors in the language of love.

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Posted by Michele Christopher at 9:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (20) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It

I'LL SEE YOU ON THE ICE Please welcome yet another new addition to FTTW: Deb, the hockey chick. Her column will appear weekly on Fridays.

It’s a distinct smell. A combination of stale popcorn, fresh pain, artificial ice, testosterone, motor oil and sweat socks. There’s nothing like it anywhere else in the world, the only place you can find it is in an arena, a hockey arena.

That’s right children; Hockey is back and the entire country of Canada sighs in relief, while some Americans look confused until you tell them it’s ICE Hockey, and then they just look bored.

Today I want to talk about the Big Boys; the ones who have paid their dues and made it to the big show, the National Hockey League (NHL). The 2007-08* 2006-07 season started last Wednesday and promises to be an interesting one, unless you’re a Leaf fan – then it will suck the fat lad, as usual.

Love ‘em or Hate ‘em here’s my take on the prospects:

You like me! You Really Really Like Me!!! (Top 4 picks)

CAROLINA HURRICANES: Carolina has a solid core of veterans, bolstered by younger faster players and has solid goal keeping from Ward. Last year’s Stanley Cup champions are looking to repeat this year. No one has done it since Detroit in 1998-1999, which doesn’t seem like that long ago, but then again – I live in Toronto we haven’t won since 1967 – my perception may be a tad skewed.

OTTAWA SENATORS: These are my boys. After their HUMILIATING loss in the playoffs last season (against the SABERS) they made some changes. Got rid of their goalie and lured Gerber away from the Canes, good move. Defensively they’re solid, but have a big hole to fill as they traded Chara (who’s freaking huge and a great defensive player) to Boston. Offensively they are going to have to start getting production out of their bottom three lines and quit relying on their captain (Alfie) to do everything.

DETROIT RED WINGS: They finished first in the Western Conference and then were eliminated in the first round by *pause* The Mighty Ducks (a team that no matter how well they play, I cannot take seriously). They may have lost two major players (Shanahan to the Rangers and Yzerman retired) but they have strong players in Lindstrom, Schneider and Chelios. Those boys are going to have to step up and lead by example. The big weakness is in goal, Hasek. Apparently he’s healthy but I’m sure something real or imaginary will happen and he’ll pull his groin again. Isn’t that every mans dream? Osgood, the back-up goalie is well, let’s just say when he’s good he’s very very good and when he’s bad, I could be playing goal and no one would notice.

CALGARY FLAMES: Damn Ducks knocked them out too. They’ve got a new coach, less dead weight and a faster team. Kiprusoff was the top goalie in the league last year and with Iginla on defense, teams better keep their heads up and sticks down.

The Sneaky Freaky Mothers Sneaking in from Behind (Teams to Watch)

BUFFALO SABRES: No big names, a break-out goalie, solid production from all lines and positions, and a freaky ability to knock bigger and better teams on their asses.

ATLANTA THRASHERS: I like their name, even if they are talking about a bird. They missed the playoffs last year, but they have my “MOO” on the team (Marian Hossa, one of the up and coming stars of the NHL) and they are a fast young team, perfect fit for the new NHL.

SAN JOSE SHARKS: a breath away from the Stanley Cup finals last season, they have two solid goalies and Joe Thorton.

ANAHEIM MIGHTY DUCKS: It PAINS me to say this, but they have a shot. They had a great post season and really need a new name.

But for now you’re only someone that I used to love... (Das SUXORS)

TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS: They make my head hurt, seriously. Their captain said after their defeat on Wednesday, “It’s tough to lose the home opener, but I don’t think it’s as bad as the score sheet says.” DUDE! I watched the game, it was WORSE. No defense and no offense. The only reason that the score was 4-1 instead of 20-1 was the goalie. Raycroft stood on his head. We like him, the rest of the team... I fart in their general direction. Take responsibility, stop making excuses and play the fekking game.

MONTREAL CANADIENS: Zut alors! Last season they showed flashes of brilliance mixed in with a merde load of the, how do you say, keystone cops. There is always hope though, I notice that 80’s fashions are coming back into style; maybe their dynasty will come back too.

COLORADO AVALANCHE: Blake is gone (Kings), Theodore couldn’t stop a cantaloupe last year, lots of untested players and ones who haven’t “lived up to the hype”, yeah I’m looking at you Arnason. It’s either going to be really good or spectacularly bad. I’m rooting for the latter.

EDMONTON OILERS: Internal conflict, all the big name players deserting after the failed Stanley Cup run... yeah, um, no.

Any questions? Any answers? Anybody got a mint?

Deb is Canadian, which makes her an authority on hockey and poutine.

*we don't all get to ride in deb's time machine -ed.

Posted by Michele Christopher at 2:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (15) | Del.icio.us It | Fark It | Digg It